| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"stoney" |
| Date: |
26 Sep 2006 11:14:11 PM |
| Object: |
OT: various |
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
Heh
http://www.brokennewz.com/displaystory.asp_Q_storyid_E_1482badvirgins
My 76 Virgins Won't Put Out
9/25/2006 - Suicide Bomber Kaleik
When I first got the 4-color brochure on becoming a suicide bomber, I
thought "Wow, what an interesting career path." The more I read, the
more I thought it was just too good to be true. I wondered, "What's the
catch?"
They offered free religious training of choice. (Radical Islam or
Very-Radical Islam)
They offered to pay for my food and housing for life! (2 week maximum)
They offered Dental. (Free X-rays for identification purposes)
They offered Medical. (They let me perform clitorectomies on impure
girls)
They offered Martyr status. (Share something in common with Jesus!)
The best part? They said that Allah offered 76 Virgins in Heaven.
That's where I've got a complaint. I blew myself up just like they
wanted. I exploded next to a convoy that I thought said "UN" but it
turned out to be a 7-UP truck proclaiming to be the "UN-cola."
But nevermind that. I got to Heaven just as promised. I have 76 naked
virgins fawning all over me. The catch? These virgins will always remain
virgins. Can you believe they won't put out? I gave up sex on Earth for
this? To be up to my elbows in hymens and still forbidden to relieve
myself? Allah sure suckered me. Or maybe this is really Hell? Come to
think of it these virgins sure look a lot like Steve Carell.
/end article
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
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| Title: Re: various |
27 Sep 2006 03:21:15 PM |
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"stoney" <stoney@the.net> wrote in message
news:lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com...
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
Wow! How frickin' cool!
--
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: various |
28 Sep 2006 09:33:30 AM |
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On Wed, 27 Sep 2006 16:21:15 -0400, "Robibnikoff"
<witchypoo@broomstick.com> wrote in alt.atheism
"stoney" <stoney@the.net> wrote in message
news:lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com...
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
Wow! How frickin' cool!
And damned dangerous. YEOW!
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
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| User: "johac" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: various |
27 Sep 2006 12:49:37 AM |
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In article <lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
I'd hate to be riding a motorcycle on that and met up with a truck
coming the other way.
Heh
http://www.brokennewz.com/displaystory.asp_Q_storyid_E_1482badvirgins
My 76 Virgins Won't Put Out
9/25/2006 - Suicide Bomber Kaleik
When I first got the 4-color brochure on becoming a suicide bomber, I
thought "Wow, what an interesting career path." The more I read, the
more I thought it was just too good to be true. I wondered, "What's the
catch?"
They offered free religious training of choice. (Radical Islam or
Very-Radical Islam)
They offered to pay for my food and housing for life! (2 week maximum)
They offered Dental. (Free X-rays for identification purposes)
They offered Medical. (They let me perform clitorectomies on impure
girls)
They offered Martyr status. (Share something in common with Jesus!)
The best part? They said that Allah offered 76 Virgins in Heaven.
That's where I've got a complaint. I blew myself up just like they
wanted. I exploded next to a convoy that I thought said "UN" but it
turned out to be a 7-UP truck proclaiming to be the "UN-cola."
But nevermind that. I got to Heaven just as promised. I have 76 naked
virgins fawning all over me. The catch? These virgins will always remain
virgins. Can you believe they won't put out? I gave up sex on Earth for
this? To be up to my elbows in hymens and still forbidden to relieve
myself? Allah sure suckered me. Or maybe this is really Hell? Come to
think of it these virgins sure look a lot like Steve Carell.
/end article
Heh! Funny! The guy obviously didn't read the fine print.
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
.
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| User: "Uncle Vic" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: various |
27 Sep 2006 01:10:48 AM |
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Once upon a time in alt.atheism, dear sweet johac
(jhachmann@sbcglobal.com) made the light shine upon us with this:
In article <lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
I'd hate to be riding a motorcycle on that and met up with a truck
coming the other way.
OTOH, I'd love to be on a road like that on a motorcycle, and meet up with
a scooter headed the other way.
Heh... I did just that on a road just south of San Francisco, in the
mountains just east of the coast. Apparently there was a group of scooter
riders touring the area. My bro and I held our ground around a corner, and
nearly ran a few of them off the road. The looks on their horrified faces
were priceless. Idiots...
--
Uncle Vic
aa Atheist #2011
Supervisor, EAC Department of little adhesive-backed "L" shaped
chrome-plastic doo-dads to add feet to Jesus fish department.
Plonked by Kadaitcha Man
.
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| User: "johac" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: various |
27 Sep 2006 11:54:29 PM |
|
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In article <Xns984AEBCC0DBA6vicman@216.196.97.136>,
Uncle Vic <address@withheld.com> wrote:
Once upon a time in alt.atheism, dear sweet johac
(jhachmann@sbcglobal.com) made the light shine upon us with this:
In article <lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
I'd hate to be riding a motorcycle on that and met up with a truck
coming the other way.
OTOH, I'd love to be on a road like that on a motorcycle, and meet up with
a scooter headed the other way.
Heh!
Heh... I did just that on a road just south of San Francisco, in the
mountains just east of the coast. Apparently there was a group of scooter
riders touring the area. My bro and I held our ground around a corner, and
nearly ran a few of them off the road. The looks on their horrified faces
were priceless. Idiots...
I wouldn't want to see anyone injured but people who ride scooters or
bicycles should realize that there are bigger and faster things on the
road and should learn a few survival skills.
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
.
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| User: "Uncle Vic" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: various |
28 Sep 2006 12:10:43 AM |
|
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Once upon a time in alt.atheism, dear sweet johac
(jhachmann@sbcglobal.com) made the light shine upon us with this:
In article <Xns984AEBCC0DBA6vicman@216.196.97.136>,
Uncle Vic <address@withheld.com> wrote:
Once upon a time in alt.atheism, dear sweet johac
(jhachmann@sbcglobal.com) made the light shine upon us with this:
In article <lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
I'd hate to be riding a motorcycle on that and met up with a truck
coming the other way.
OTOH, I'd love to be on a road like that on a motorcycle, and meet up
with a scooter headed the other way.
Heh!
Heh... I did just that on a road just south of San Francisco, in the
mountains just east of the coast. Apparently there was a group of
scooter riders touring the area. My bro and I held our ground around
a corner, and nearly ran a few of them off the road. The looks on
their horrified faces were priceless. Idiots...
I wouldn't want to see anyone injured but people who ride scooters or
bicycles should realize that there are bigger and faster things on the
road and should learn a few survival skills.
Staying on their own side of the road, for one. :-)
--
Uncle Vic
aa Atheist #2011
Supervisor, EAC Department of little adhesive-backed "L" shaped
chrome-plastic doo-dads to add feet to Jesus fish department.
Plonked by Kadaitcha Man
.
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| User: "johac" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: various |
29 Sep 2006 12:23:30 AM |
|
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In article <Xns984BE19A28745vicman@216.196.97.136>,
Uncle Vic <address@withheld.com> wrote:
Once upon a time in alt.atheism, dear sweet johac
(jhachmann@sbcglobal.com) made the light shine upon us with this:
In article <Xns984AEBCC0DBA6vicman@216.196.97.136>,
Uncle Vic <address@withheld.com> wrote:
Once upon a time in alt.atheism, dear sweet johac
(jhachmann@sbcglobal.com) made the light shine upon us with this:
In article <lrrjh2l34fseciambki3i4jco2jr8v4nhs@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
Errrrrr.....
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=13842
I'd hate to be riding a motorcycle on that and met up with a truck
coming the other way.
OTOH, I'd love to be on a road like that on a motorcycle, and meet up
with a scooter headed the other way.
Heh!
Heh... I did just that on a road just south of San Francisco, in the
mountains just east of the coast. Apparently there was a group of
scooter riders touring the area. My bro and I held our ground around
a corner, and nearly ran a few of them off the road. The looks on
their horrified faces were priceless. Idiots...
I wouldn't want to see anyone injured but people who ride scooters or
bicycles should realize that there are bigger and faster things on the
road and should learn a few survival skills.
Staying on their own side of the road, for one. :-)
You got it. And also not riding three or four abreast on a narrow road.
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
.
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