http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/014/650gxot
g.asp

http://tinyurl.com/35jruv

America is in the midst of an all-important electoral campaign. But,
talking to Europeans, I've discovered that there is puzzlement and
misinformation on your continent about what's happening on ours.
Europeans feel an understandable confusion when faced with a political
system consisting of two houses of Congress and a White House, and
nobody is home in any of them.

Also, America's political parties are indistinguishable to the European
eye. A British journalist once described the situation thus: "America is
a one-party state, but just like Americans they've got two of them." (I
forget which British journalist said that. But there are so many British
journalists who should be forgotten. Maybe it was Alexander Cockburn.)

The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats
are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while
Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers
will pay. In foreign policy, Republicans intend to pursue the war in
Iraq but to do so with a minimal number of troops on the ground. This is
not to be confused with the disastrous Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld policy of
using a minimal number of troops on the ground to pursue the war in
Iraq. Democrats intend to end the war, but they don't know when.
Democrats are making the "high school sex promise": I'll pull out in
time, honest!

There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to
Europeans, race and religion. You, of course, don't have any religion.
Except every now and then someone who came to Europe lately and is a
Muslim blows himself to bits. But I understand that you have EU funding
to address these social problems and help Muslims build bombs that
release fewer pollutants and less carbon dioxide, reducing the threat of
global warming.

After the events of the 20th century, God, quite reasonably, left
Europe. But He's still here in the United States. The majority of
Americans are Christians, and Christians can be divided into two kinds,
the kind who think you should get Jesus and the kind who think Jesus is
going to get you. Mike Huckabee is one of the latter. Then there are the
Mormons such as Mitt Romney who believe some unusual things--things that
no sensible European like Jean-Paul Sartre, Martin Heidegger, Benito
Mussolini, Karl Marx, Emanuel Swedenborg, or Cherie Blair would ever
believe.

The question of race in America is supposed to be a matter of what one
looks like. But it is difficult to comprehend how a political interest
group that contains both Al Sharpton and Halle Berry could be based on
looks. Barack Obama looks like he was raised in Hawaii. He may have just
a good tan.

The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot
cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing
Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a
woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th
grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary
Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton
is "America's ex-wife."

A man can be a Democrat to the core, going into the voting booth to pull
the lever with the donkey label no matter what. Then he sees Hillary's
name on the ballot. And it all comes back to him ... the first marriage
... the time he came home a little late, it wasn't even midnight, and
he'd only had four or five beers, and she threw his bowling ball down
the storm sewer.

The Republicans will have a hard time coming up with someone who can't
beat Hillary Clinton. But I don't put it past them. You may remember
Senator Bob Dole in 1996.

At the moment Republicans seem inclined to John McCain. Everyone loves
John McCain. Everyone respects John McCain. He's tough. He's consistent.
He's wrong. Not that I personally agree with you Europeans that John is
wrong, but the voters do. John thinks the war in Iraq is a good idea.
The electorate doesn't. John's campaign slogan is "Strong and Wrong."

Mitt Romney is supposed to be my own type of candidate, a true
conservative. But Mitt was governor of Massachusetts. This is like
applying to be pope and listing your prior job experience as "Chief
Rabbi of Jerusalem."

Mitt Romney is also the "corporate candidate," promising to bring the
organizational skills and fiscal discipline of corporate America to
Washington. But we are in the midst of a global credit collapse and all
the air is hissing out of the world's equity market balloons. We've had
big corporate scandals--Enron, WorldCom, Tyco--in the not too distant
past. We may have a deep recession in the not too distant future. Is
this the moment to be pitching the voters on "business savvy"?

Rudy Giuliani is a wonderful person to have around during a tragedy. His
campaign promise is that there will be a tragedy every week.

As for Fred Thompson, he didn't have much impact. Yes, he's a Republican
who was seen on TV a lot. But so was Scooter Libby.

Mike Huckabee lost some support among the hard-core fundamentalists when
Bible Belt denizens realized that John McCain was the only candidate
with enough guts to really handle rattlesnakes at church. The rest of
the public remains alert to the fact that evangelical Christianity, as a
movement, has two faces--the Moral Majority face and the Tammy Faye
Bakker face.

Let us not forget Ron Paul who is very popular--with people who stay up
all night in Ayn Rand chatrooms, bury Krugerrands in the yard, and think
the Trilateral Commission causes sub-prime mortgage foreclosures.

Incidentally, there's a balanced position that all of America's
presidential candidates could take on the controversial abortion issue.
If they want votes they shouldn't campaign to make abortion illegal or
legal. They should campaign to make it retroactive. If a kid reaches 25
and he or she is still jobless, feckless, and sitting around Starbucks
acting like a--no offense--European, then whack.

Meanwhile, in the Democratic field, Barack Obama may be altering our
national political equation. Obama is an indication that America has
reached an important benchmark in race relations. In America it is now
officially more important to be cute than to be white. Barack Obama is
cute, and he's nice. It's been a long time since any political party in
America had the cute, nice vote sewn up. Rudy Giuliani? Not so nice.
Bill Clinton? Don't get cute.

The problem for Obama is that, as yet, he doesn't have much political
stature. However, there is a "Disney factor" is American politics. Think
of America's politicians as the Seven Dwarves. They're all short--short
on ethics, short on experience, short on common sense, short on
something. But we keep thinking that one of these dwarves is going to
save our snow white butt.

We've got Dopey right now. We had Sleazy before him. Grumpy lost in '04.
Sleepy was great in the 1980s, but he's dead. How about Obama?

Who else do the Democrats have? There is, of course, Nobel Peace
Prize-winning Al Gore. May I ask you Europeans, are your Norwegians
crazy? What does the Nobel Peace Prize have to do with global warming?
Did Al forge a truce in the war with the penguins? I'm trying to lead a
carbon-neutral lifestyle myself. I've given up cigars. I think Al Gore
should give up blowing smoke out his ...

John Edwards is a personal injury lawyer, the sort of fellow who covers
North Carolina with billboards reading, "Y'all May Have Been
Malpracticed on by a Doctor and Not Even Know It. Call (800)
S-H-Y-S-T-E-R." One of the remaining virtues of European civilization is
that you aren't overrun with his ilk. John Edwards should go sue Krispy
Kreme doughnuts for making his supporters too fat to get into the voting
booths.

Dennis Kucinich swept the Mars caucuses.

Then there are the Democrats who're actually qualified to be
president--Bill Richardson, Joe Biden, and Chris Dodd. All three have
dropped out of the race. Before they did, they managed, between them, to
raise almost $1,000 (2.79 euros) for their campaigns.

This leaves the Democrats with Hillary Clinton. She's going to reform
America's health care system. Memo to Hillary: You already reformed
America's health care system, 15 years ago. Just the outline of
Hillary's 1993 health care plan was 1,400 pages long, almost as long as
that equally successful reform document, the EU constitution.

Many political analysts say that the failure of Hillary's health care
plan almost destroyed Bill Clinton's first term. You'll recall that Bill
Clinton had to seek help from a different woman to almost destroy his
second term.

But no matter who is elected America's next president--whether Barack
Obama, John McCain, Hillary Clinton, or even Ron Paul--it is important
that Europeans be reassured that ordinary Americans will not change the
way they think about Europe. They will continue to think they aren't
sure where it is on the map.

P.J. O'Rourke is a contributing editor to THE WEEKLY STANDARD.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/014/650...
g.asp

http://tinyurl.com/35jruv

America is in the midst of an all-important electoral campaign. But,
talking to Europeans, I've discovered that there is puzzlement and
misinformation on your continent about what's happening on ours.
Europeans feel an understandable confusion when faced with a political
system consisting of two houses of Congress and a White House, and
nobody is home in any of them.

Also, America's political parties are indistinguishable to the European
eye. A British journalist once described the situation thus: "America is
a one-party state, but just like Americans they've got two of them." (I
forget which British journalist said that. But there are so many British
journalists who should be forgotten. Maybe it was Alexander Cockburn.)

The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats
are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while
Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers
will pay. In foreign policy, Republicans intend to pursue the war in
Iraq but to do so with a minimal number of troops on the ground. This is
not to be confused with the disastrous Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld policy of
using a minimal number of troops on the ground to pursue the war in
Iraq. Democrats intend to end the war, but they don't know when.
Democrats are making the "high school sex promise": I'll pull out in
time, honest!

There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to
Europeans, race and religion. You, of course, don't have any religion.
Except every now and then someone who came to Europe lately and is a
Muslim blows himself to bits. But I understand that you have EU funding
to address these social problems and help Muslims build bombs that
release fewer pollutants and less carbon dioxide, reducing the threat of
global warming.

After the events of the 20th century, God, quite reasonably, left
Europe. But He's still here in the United States. The majority of
Americans are Christians, and Christians can be divided into two kinds,
the kind who think you should get Jesus and the kind who think Jesus is
going to get you. Mike Huckabee is one of the latter. Then there are the
Mormons such as Mitt Romney who believe some unusual things--things that
no sensible European like Jean-Paul Sartre, Martin Heidegger, Benito
Mussolini, Karl Marx, Emanuel Swedenborg, or Cherie Blair would ever
believe.

The question of race in America is supposed to be a matter of what one
looks like. But it is difficult to comprehend how a political interest
group that contains both Al Sharpton and Halle Berry could be based on
looks. Barack Obama looks like he was raised in Hawaii. He may have just
a good tan.

The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot
cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing
Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a
woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th
grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary
Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton
is "America's ex-wife."

A man can be a Democrat to the core, going into the voting booth to pull
the lever with the donkey label no matter what. Then he sees Hillary's
name on the ballot. And it all comes back to him ... the first marriage
... the time he came home a little late, it wasn't even midnight, and
he'd only had four or five beers, and she threw his bowling ball down
the storm sewer.

The Republicans will have a hard time coming up with someone who can't
beat Hillary Clinton. But I don't put it past them. You may remember
Senator Bob Dole in 1996.

At the moment Republicans seem inclined to John McCain. Everyone loves
John McCain. Everyone respects John McCain. He's tough. He's consistent.
He's wrong. Not that I personally agree with you Europeans that John is
wrong, but the voters do. John thinks the war in Iraq is a good idea.
The electorate doesn't. John's campaign slogan is "Strong and Wrong."

Mitt Romney is supposed to be my own type of candidate, a true
conservative. But Mitt was governor of Massachusetts. This is like
applying to be pope and listing your prior job experience as "Chief
Rabbi of Jerusalem."

Mitt Romney is also the "corporate candidate," promising to bring the
organizational skills and fiscal discipline of corporate America to
Washington. But we are in the midst of a global credit collapse and all
the air is hissing out of the world's equity market balloons. We've had
big corporate scandals--Enron, WorldCom, Tyco--in the not too distant
past. We may have a deep recession in the not too distant future. Is
this the moment to be pitching the voters on "business savvy"?

Rudy Giuliani is a wonderful person to have around during a tragedy. His
campaign promise is that there will be a tragedy every week.

As for Fred Thompson, he didn't have much impact. Yes, he's a Republican
who was seen on TV a lot. But so was Scooter Libby.

Mike Huckabee lost some support among the hard-core fundamentalists when
Bible Belt denizens realized that John McCain was the only candidate
with enough guts to really handle rattlesnakes at church. The rest of
the public remains alert to the fact that evangelical Christianity, as a
movement, has two faces--the Moral Majority face and the Tammy Faye
Bakker face.

Let us not forget Ron Paul who is very popular--with people who stay up
all night in Ayn Rand chatrooms, bury Krugerrands in the yard, and think
the Trilateral Commission causes sub-prime mortgage foreclosures.

Incidentally, there's a balanced position that all of America's
presidential candidates could take on the controversial abortion issue.
If they want votes they shouldn't campaign to make abortion illegal or
legal. They should campaign to make it retroactive. If a kid reaches 25
and he or she is still jobless, feckless, and sitting around Starbucks
acting like a--no offense--European, then whack.

Meanwhile, in the Democratic field, Barack Obama may be altering our
national political equation. Obama is an indication that America has
reached an important benchmark in race relations. In America it is now
officially more important to be cute than to be white. Barack Obama is
cute, and he's nice. It's been a long time since any political party in
America had the cute, nice vote sewn up. Rudy Giuliani? Not so nice.
Bill Clinton? Don't get cute.

The problem for Obama is that, as yet, he doesn't have much political
stature. However, there is a "Disney factor" is American politics. Think
of America's politicians as the Seven Dwarves. They're all short--short
on ethics, short on experience, short on common sense, short on
something. But we keep thinking that one of these dwarves is going to
save our snow white butt.

We've got Dopey right now. We had Sleazy before him. Grumpy lost in '04.
Sleepy was great in the 1980s, but he's dead. How about Obama?

Who else do the Democrats have? There is, of course, Nobel Peace
Prize-winning Al Gore. May I ask you Europeans, are your Norwegians
crazy? What does the Nobel Peace Prize have to do with global warming?
Did Al forge a truce in the war with the penguins? I'm trying to lead a
carbon-neutral lifestyle myself. I've given up cigars. I think Al Gore
should give up blowing smoke out his ...

John Edwards is a personal injury lawyer, the sort of fellow who covers
North Carolina with billboards reading, "Y'all May Have Been
Malpracticed on by a Doctor and Not Even Know It. Call (800)
S-H-Y-S-T-E-R." One of the remaining virtues of European civilization is
that you aren't overrun with his ilk. John Edwards should go sue Krispy
Kreme doughnuts for making his supporters too fat to get into the voting
booths.

Dennis Kucinich swept the Mars caucuses.

Then there are the Democrats who're actually qualified to be
president--Bill Richardson, Joe Biden, and Chris Dodd. All three have
dropped out of the race. Before they did, they managed, between them, to
raise almost $1,000 (2.79 euros) for their campaigns.

This leaves the Democrats with Hillary Clinton. She's going to reform
America's health care system. Memo to Hillary: You already reformed
America's health care system, 15 years ago. Just the outline of
Hillary's 1993 health care plan was 1,400 pages long, almost as long as
that equally successful reform document, the EU constitution.

Many political analysts say that the failure of Hillary's health care
plan almost destroyed Bill Clinton's first term. You'll recall that Bill
Clinton had to seek help from a different woman to almost destroy his
second term.

But no matter who is elected America's next president--whether Barack
Obama, John McCain, Hillary Clinton, or even Ron Paul--it is important
that Europeans be reassured that ordinary Americans will not change the
way they think about Europe. They will continue to think they aren't
sure where it is on the map.

P.J. O'Rourke is a contributing editor to THE WEEKLY STANDARD.

--
Fred Stone
aa# 1369
People who think with their epidermis or their genitalia or their clan
are the problem to begin with. C. Hitchens