| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Fredric L. Rice" |
| Date: |
30 Jul 2005 12:45:07 PM |
| Object: |
Press release terrorism |
Church of Scientology Announces Discount Week
July 29 2005 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE AND DISSIMULATION
The United Churches of Florida has announced today the first annual
National Scientology Religious Services Discount Week in celebration of the
55th anniversary of "Dianetics, The Modern Scientology of Mental Health."
Beginning August first, and going until the end of August seventh, all
Scientology services will see an across-the-board reduction in their
purchase price of 18%.
"We have never done this before, and we are excited at the prospect of new
parishioners coming to Scientology and purchasing spiritual advancement,"
said spokeswoman Mary Sue Misscaviger. "Not only will more people be able
to afford more Scientology courses, but we have also decided to reduce all
outstanding freeloader debts by 3% also. And remember it's all
tax-deductible."
The week of discounts applies to both current Scientology parishioners and
new parishioners, Ms. Misscaviger said.
"Just two amazing examples," Mary Sue gushed, "are the cost of our auditing
sessions. For the first week of August the regular price of $2,500 per 12.5
hours of individual auditing will be reduced to just $2,100! For RPF
co-auditing, the usual cost of 100 hours has been reduced from $20,000 to
only $16,400. Now anyone on a budget can afford Scientology spiritual
counseling!"
Other courses being discounted include the Anti-Q-and-A Drills, normally
$250 but reduced to $205; the CMO Ethics Program, normally at the usually
low price of $2,500, will be reduced even lower to $2,050; the RPF Basic
Hat will be $205, reduced from $250.
"Everything will be on sale next week," Ms. Misscaviger added. "All
Scientology franchises in the United States and Europe will apply the
discount. Now there is one less reason to avoid Scientology! Do come in and
explore the exciting Scientology world of the totally free. All major
credit cards are cheerfully accepted."
With advanced purchase during Discount Week, a parishioner may go all the
way up to the end of the Pier to Total Freedom for as little as $490,000.
=============================
SCIENTOLOGY CORPORATION DENIES DISCOUNT WEEK HOAX
The Scientology business this morning emphatically denied yesterday's press
release, calling it a hoax.
"We do not think this is at all funny," said the real Mary Sue Misscaviger.
"This is press release terrorism, pure and simple, and the perpetrators
will be caught and punished well beyond the full extent of the law."
An earlier press release advertised a national discount week among all
Scientology franchises in the United States and Europe. Scientology
spokespeople and experts on the Scientology business both expressed
perplexity over the prank.
"It was very clearly and obviously a hoax," said cult expert Rossi Ricky.
"Anyone who knows anything about Scientology will have known there is no
such thing as a 'discount' in Scientology. 'Scientology discount' is an
oxymoron."
"It's insulting to think that there are people out there who will believe
that The Scientology Corp. will sell spiritual enlightenment for anything
less than full market value," said the real Ms. Misscaviger. "We have a
monopoly on spiritual enlightenment on this planet, and our prices reflect
our spiritual cartel."
Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard in 1954, after telling his
friends that starting a religion is the best way to make a million dollars.
In 1953 Mr. Hubbard wrote "I await your reaction on the religion angle. In
my opinion, we couldn't get worse public opinion than we have had or have
less customers with what we've got to sell. A religious charter would be
necessary in Pennsylvania or NJ to make it stick. But I sure could make it
stick."
"And that's the bottom line," added the real Ms. Misscaviger. "Offering a
discount would mean selling Ron's products for less than what they are
worth, which will greatly anger Ron when he comes back from his
intergalactic research project some day."
Readers of yesterday's press release are urged to ignore it. "Real all
about our drug addiction press release dissimulating instead," said the
real Ms. Misscaviger.
President George W. Bush was not available for comment.
---
http://www.ElmerFudd.US/ http://www.notserver.com/
http://sf.irk.ru/www/ot3/otiii-gif.html
http://www.rightard.org/ http://www.thedarkwind.org/
.
|
|
| User: "Michael Gray" |
|
| Title: Re: Press release terrorism |
30 Jul 2005 06:33:40 PM |
|
|
On Sat, 30 Jul 2005 17:45:07 GMT, (Fredric L.
Rice) wrote:
Church of Scientology Announces Discount Week
July 29 2005 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE AND DISSIMULATION
The United Churches of Florida has announced today the first annual
National Scientology Religious Services Discount Week in celebration of the
55th anniversary of "Dianetics, The Modern Scientology of Mental Health."
:
They dribble on about mental health,
yet every single scientologist is a total loon.
.
|
|
|
|
|
Related Articles |
|
|
