Text Medium No. 5 wrote:

STFU, Chunk, and stop bothering people with mental illness who are
actually trying to get help and support for it. They don't appreciate
it, anymore than anyone(tina) appreciates your hypocritical preaching.

who're you'n where'd ya come from? so this ain't tha first time ya been
witnessed to in'ah support group?

at least yanno SUMbody loves ya unconditionally, whether ya like it or
not.

ain't that comfortin' !

"If you don't have pedicures AT LEAST every two weeks, don't talk to me.

wow. these bunions ain't for tha faint'ah heart, sarah jean won't
touch'em with'ah 10 foot pole, but on tha brite side, i DO spit shine
'em'n hose'em down in vaseline (well, tha dollah sto kind, off bran,
yanno) ever sunday, like clockwerk... and i DO pull out tha "PANK ON PANK"
lacker bout once'ah month and paint them babies up'n STYLE !!!! if'ah
didn't know bettah, i'd swear tha johnson twins would perfer'm ovah cotton
candy at tha county fair, tha way they stare'n drool, i do d'clare, i
gotta stay away from tha uppity partah town when i'm flashin them cuties
in matchin pank flip flops with that classy petunia settin' square in tha
middle, them gurl uptown get their dander up, JEALOUSY !!!!, i tell ya,
just plain JEALOUSY ! you'd thank they'd nevah seen a real LADY !!!!

If you don't floss every night and morning and brush at least twice a
day, don't talk to me.

my teeth are squeaky clean, i wash em more'n twice'ah day if they hit tha
dirt, even more in'ah mud puddle fiasco. they get stuck under tha trailer
hitch when i strain real hard ta attach tha road scapin' wagon tuit,
requirin' an extra washin'... and i floss durin' oprah. i swear muh
gums're so smoooooth i can recycle that one piece'ah floss for'ah munth'ah
sundays ! (i'm sure ya like'ah practical lady, doncha?
::lick::)

If you don't spend money on you hair and get great cuts and color,don't
talk to me.

NOWWWWWWW yer talkin' ! i primp muh beehive daily and get dat bad boy
set'n pinned weekly, and i gotta stock'ah peroxide that'd choke'ah
horse... i DO think we're'ah match made'n da cement pond we call........
heaven.

If you are heavy, don't talk to me.

now thissun kinda needs sum splainin'. what do ya considah heavy? i've
grajitated from tha semi truck weigh station to tha farmer's market
scales, if that's any indication of muh svelte figger. i've gotta
perfectly porportioned figger, even tho muh head's barely noticeable atop
it. (i DO think it's just tha proximity factor.... i mean if muh head was
in tha veg'tabul garden on ole zeke, tha scarecrow, it wouldn't look
near's much like'ah pimple as it does sittin on muh neck. so maybe i need
ta fatten up muh head ta blend with muh gurlish figger.... (ooooooooh,
baybeee)

If you don't shower every morning and take a nice bubble bath every
night, don't talk to me.

i DO shower ever dang single mornin', and golden is muh fave. and i'm
economical, i make muh OWN bubbles in muh bath... (if yanno whadd'ah mean
<wink>) so's looks like we's skrait on that'n too...

If you don't have a loved one in your arms, don't talk to me.

now how can ya gotta loved one in yer arms'n type? if ya luv em, ya
really wanna see em hit da subfloor? me? i'd be happy with a few less
moles and sum industrial tweezers !!! a loved one'd be'ah nice extry
touch.

If you don't keep an immaculate house, don't talk to me.

AMEN, BROTHAH ! frum where i sit? if ya don't hose down that
underpinnin' at least ... say... twice't a week, yer in for'ah gawd awful
smell that's apt ta burn tha eyballs outta'ah possums. and i DO keep tha
terlet flushed, no matter what tends ta crawl back up it. i'm very
paticular. (b'tween you, me'n tha lamp post? tha TRICK is in tha LID !
ya KEEP it down'n move tha dishes outta tha sink so junior can ***** in it
like'ah gentleman !) it ain't often i shire muh secrets, cunsider yerself
tha lucky one. <<<<winkity wink>>>>

If you don't work, don't talk to me.

well THAT's tha easiest one yet, big boy ! (or would ya purfur i call ya
"hoss") cuz when *i'm* workin'???? i surely won't talk to ya, it ain't
p'lite ta talk with muh mouth full. muh kin folk didn't raise no
ill-mannered floozy, i tell ya. muh aunt mama ain't no dummy ! i had'ah
second job that didn't pan out, tree trimmers ain't perzackly in d'mand
round these here parts, i couln't find tha FIRST limb and i searched
high'n low, tha entire county. tha ONE tree tha forked? well, sadly ta
say, it was proclaimed'ah state monument. there's nada nother one that
rivals that'n from 3 states away ! couldn't very well disfigger that'n,
it's'ah treasure.

i was surely countin' on billy bob roy ta "accadently" get'ah limb caught
up in'ah wood chipper, them dis'bility cheks come in handy when tha
babies start poppin' outta nowhere. but life shore has it's way'an
keepin'ah fam'ly down, so outta tha tree bidness and back to tha woodpile.
sumthin' else'll turn up afore ta twins break watah, how DO they keep'ah
birthin', their ain't been'ah visiter in town since.... well, since bout 9
months b'fore that monumental tree forkin'.

that story always makes me cry.

::sniffle SNORTTTTTTT sniffle::

so how's about we annouce ire big day at bingo nite at tha baptist chuch,
clara mae's makin' her "spayshul recipe" mac'roni salad, it'll be a
hoot'nanny waitin' ta happen !

Hoss? i thank ya just made me tha smilin'est ***** this side'ah chickapen
COUNTY !!!!!!!!!

let's TWO-STEP !

EVER BUDDY DANCE !!!!!!!!

i can shoreeeeee nuff werk them bunny slippers, hunny ! whacha reckon.

::sha-WINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG::

" -- Clearly, Martha Vandella

never wants to talk to me, which is for the best, really. MID:
<1161934857.062934.91900@i42g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>

(don't make me hoist out tha shotgun.)

SCOOT, MAWTHA ! AND WITH'AH QUICKNESS !!!!!!

hmmph.

i'd'ah soon gut'ah gal as cut'ah gal...

and whew ! can that Mawtha TWO-STEP !!!!

lawwwwdy be.

luvvvvvvv, ~yer d'voted finance