| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Kelsey Bjarnason" |
| Date: |
02 May 2007 01:25:14 PM |
| Object: |
Proofs of Teapot |
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
.
|
|
| User: "Smiler" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 07:35:00 PM |
|
|
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarnason@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:al1ng4-cl6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none
of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Smiler,
The godless one
.
|
|
|
| User: "I KILLED YOUR GOD---IT WAS FUN!" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 08:08:29 PM |
|
|
"Smiler" <Smiler@Joe.King.com> wrote in message
news:U6a_h.6591$en5.5299@newsfe6-win.ntli.net...
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarnason@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:al1ng4-cl6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and
no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show
that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around
and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of
Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start
with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first
mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none
of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time,
how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does
not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be
an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can
be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe
must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power
is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we
have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers;
any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You
can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Smiler,
The godless one
i love coffe and the occasional hot tea.
and yes-2 bags please-in the cup.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist minister" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 03:28:02 AM |
|
|
On May 3, 1:35 am, "Smiler" <Smi...@Joe.King.com> wrote:
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:al1ng4-cl6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none
of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Ateapotists. Potless heathens. They are truly accursed.
Smiler,
The godless one
.
|
|
|
| User: "Smiler" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 05:46:40 PM |
|
|
"Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist minister" <user13@heathens.org.uk> wrote
in message news:1178180882.440820.93540@p77g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
On May 3, 1:35 am, "Smiler" <Smi...@Joe.King.com> wrote:
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:al1ng4-cl6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and
no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show
that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real,
despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I
think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you...
you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives
of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what
you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around
and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they
started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for
believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't
forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in
the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever
in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of
Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start
with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in
motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first
mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a
first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers,
come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which
none
of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time,
how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause
anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such
as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does
not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be
an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can
be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be
the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and
that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing
only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime
cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe
must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a
creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal,
has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power
is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we
have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact
must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know
of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers;
any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects
in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a
close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe,
we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in
our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong,
so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be
harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry
us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why
Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You
can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's
brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods.
He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Ateapotists. Potless heathens. They are truly accursed.
Do Teapotists worship their diety at a CHApel?
"All praise the Teapot..my cup runneth over."
Smiler,
The godless one
.
|
|
|
| User: "Kelsey Bjarnason" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 08:13:24 PM |
|
|
[snips]
On Thu, 03 May 2007 22:46:40 +0000, Smiler wrote:
Do Teapotists worship their diety at a CHApel?
Heh. No, a kitchen will do just fine.
"All praise the Teapot..my cup runneth over."
May his hot, caffeinated goodness bring you comfort forever.
On a side note, I'm wondering where the fundies are with their proofs that
Teapot is a false deity?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Smiler" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
04 May 2007 06:38:14 PM |
|
|
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarnason@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:kudqg4-p1f.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
[snips]
On Thu, 03 May 2007 22:46:40 +0000, Smiler wrote:
Do Teapotists worship their diety at a CHApel?
Heh. No, a kitchen will do just fine.
"All praise the Teapot..my cup runneth over."
May his hot, caffeinated goodness bring you comfort forever.
On a side note, I'm wondering where the fundies are with their proofs that
Teapot is a false deity?
They'd have to use the same arguments we use against their god(s) ;-)
You can see, touch and feel your Teapot!
You can brew your favourite beverage in it!
You could post a picture of it somewhere (St. Jackanapes could have some fun
with that..add a halo, eminating beams of divine light, floating in mid-air,
etc).
You have more proof that Teapot exists than the Fundies have of their god(s)
existence.
They won't even try to deny Teapot's godly status, as they know you've as
much proof as they have for their god(s)'s status.
Except, of course, for the completely loony ones who will state that black
is white when defending their god(s).
No names, no pack drill, but I'm sure you know who I mean.
Smiler,
The godless one
.
|
|
|
| User: "Kelsey Bjarnason" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
05 May 2007 03:30:02 AM |
|
|
[snips]
On Fri, 04 May 2007 23:38:14 +0000, Smiler wrote:
They won't even try to deny Teapot's godly status, as they know you've as
much proof as they have for their god(s)'s status.
Except, of course, for the completely loony ones who will state that black
is white when defending their god(s).
No names, no pack drill, but I'm sure you know who I mean.
But... but... their gods are supposed to be all-powerful *and* the only
One True God(tm). Surely, if those gods are real, it should be trivial to
show it, right?
<Snork>
.
|
|
|
| User: "Harry F. Leopold" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
08 May 2007 05:05:14 AM |
|
|
On Sat, 5 May 2007 03:30:02 -0500, Kelsey Bjarnason wrote
(in article <9krtg4-cf6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net>):
[snips]
On Fri, 04 May 2007 23:38:14 +0000, Smiler wrote:
They won't even try to deny Teapot's godly status, as they know you've as
much proof as they have for their god(s)'s status.
Except, of course, for the completely loony ones who will state that black
is white when defending their god(s).
No names, no pack drill, but I'm sure you know who I mean.
But... but... their gods are supposed to be all-powerful *and* the only
One True God(tm). Surely, if those gods are real, it should be trivial to
show it, right?
<Snork>
You do realize that you are having WAY too much fun with this, don't you? ;-)
Not that I am complaining, mind you, I am having WAY too much fun enjoying
it.
--
Harry F. Leopold
aa #2076
AA/Vet #4
The Prints of Darkness
(remove gene to email)
³Hey, you are the evolving one, not me.³-IKnowHim@leavingsoon.com
.
|
|
|
| User: "Kelsey Bjarnason" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
08 May 2007 04:48:01 PM |
|
|
On Tue, 08 May 2007 05:05:14 -0500, Harry F. Leopold wrote:
On Sat, 5 May 2007 03:30:02 -0500, Kelsey Bjarnason wrote
(in article <9krtg4-cf6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net>):
[snips]
On Fri, 04 May 2007 23:38:14 +0000, Smiler wrote:
They won't even try to deny Teapot's godly status, as they know you've as
much proof as they have for their god(s)'s status.
Except, of course, for the completely loony ones who will state that black
is white when defending their god(s).
No names, no pack drill, but I'm sure you know who I mean.
But... but... their gods are supposed to be all-powerful *and* the only
One True God(tm). Surely, if those gods are real, it should be trivial to
show it, right?
<Snork>
You do realize that you are having WAY too much fun with this, don't you? ;-)
Not that I am complaining, mind you, I am having WAY too much fun enjoying
it.
What can I say? Teapot loves us and wants us to be happy. Perhaps this
is why he can also brew beer. :)
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist minister" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 04:42:28 AM |
|
|
On May 3, 9:28 am, "Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist minister"
<use...@heathens.org.uk> wrote:
On May 3, 1:35 am, "Smiler" <Smi...@Joe.King.com> wrote:
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:al1ng4-cl6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none
of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Ateapotists. Potless heathens. They are truly accursed.
Smiler,
The godless one
BTW, ateapotists is an anagram of "it apostate".
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist minister" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 04:43:57 AM |
|
|
On May 3, 9:28 am, "Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist minister"
<use...@heathens.org.uk> wrote:
On May 3, 1:35 am, "Smiler" <Smi...@Joe.King.com> wrote:
"Kelsey Bjarnason" <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote in message
news:al1ng4-cl6.ln1@spanky.localhost.net...
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none
of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Ateapotists. Potless heathens. They are truly accursed.
Smiler,
The godless one
BTW, ateapotists is an anagram of "it's apostate".
.
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| User: "Kelsey Bjarnason" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 06:00:03 AM |
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[snips]
On Thu, 03 May 2007 02:43:57 -0700, Pastor Kutchie, ordained atheist
minister wrote:
Ateapotists. Potless heathens. They are truly accursed.
Smiler,
The godless one
BTW, ateapotists is an anagram of "it's apostate".
<shakes wax out of ears> "It's a prostate?"
.
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| User: "Kelsey Bjarnason" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 09:45:03 PM |
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[snips]
On Thu, 03 May 2007 00:35:00 +0000, Smiler wrote:
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
I'm betting you can't prove that, without proofs that don't apply equally
to Teapot. :)
BTW, do Teapot atheists put teabags straight into their cups?
Depends. I do both - in the teapot or in the mug. Then again, there's
something of a question whether I qualify as an atheist or a theist; see,
I *know* my deity exists, but I don't believe in it. :)
.
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| User: "Shapescare" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 03:38:32 AM |
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On May 3, 4:45 am, Kelsey Bjarnason <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote:
Then again, there's
something of a question whether I qualify as an atheist or a theist; see,
I *know* my deity exists, but I don't believe in it. :)
Here we go again.
This statement of yours is considered heretical by many of the
regulars here.
.
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| User: "Shapescare" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
03 May 2007 04:05:53 AM |
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On May 3, 4:45 am, Kelsey Bjarnason <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote:
[snips]
On Thu, 03 May 2007 00:35:00 +0000, Smiler wrote:
*****!!!!!! Everyone knows the only TRUE GOD is a COFFEEPOT.
I'm betting you can't prove that, without proofs that don't apply equally
to Teapot. :)
I cannot give you proof, but all religious people know that belief is
superiour to knowledge.
I believe that MY teapot fathered the teacup that sacrificed itself in
order to take away my drunkenness and clumsiness.
I just know that my teapot is superiour to yours. I am willing to die
for it.
.
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| User: "Shapescare" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 02:26:45 PM |
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On 2 Mai, 20:25, Kelsey Bjarnason <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote:
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
Do not insult MY teapot!
.
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| User: "Conspiracy of Doves" |
|
| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 02:13:32 PM |
|
|
On May 2, 2:25 pm, Kelsey Bjarnason <kbjarna...@ncoldns.com> wrote:
I have a teapot. It's a very special teapot; it has magic powers. In
fact, it doesn't just have the usual sort of magical powers; rub it and no
genie appears. Instead, it has supreme power. It is all-powerful
and all-knowing. It created the universe; it created the planets. It
created life. It is the sole moral authority for all of us.
Sounds a little bizarre? It should. Nevertheless, I'm going to show that
what I say is true. I will show that the teapot is real, that it does
have moral authority, that it did create everything. I will even show
that it is a necessary entity - that it must exist, must be real, despite
any arguments or doubts to the contrary.
Let's start with the basics: does it even exist? Well, obviously I think
it does - it's my teapot. Of course, that doesn't apply to you... you're
not me. How can you be sure it exists?
Well, there are lots of ways. You can, for example, look at the lives of
people who believe. Teapot isn't fickle; it doesn't really care what you
believe, as long as you believe in something. So when you look around and
you see all those people whose lives have been changed after they started
believing in something, that proves that Teapot exists; if it didn't,
their lives wouldn't have changed.
Of course, not everyone's life has been changed by belief, or knows
someone whose life has been changed by belief. Some don't even have
belief. All I can say to them is that if they _do_ believe, they will
come to see the truth of Teapot; he will reveal himself, in all his
splendor, to them. Not directly - only I can look on Teapot and live,
but he will reveal himself by giving them strength, supporting and
challenging them.
There will always be doubters, those who think you're silly for believing
in Teapot, but don't let that stop you. Nor should you lose faith just
because your life is hard even after you believe; Teapot hasn't forsaken
you, he's just challenging you to make you stronger. Even if this life
never gives you a moment's peace, you'll have rest and joy forever in the
great Tearoom in the sky, after you're dead. You will live on forever in
peace and comfort and happiness, as long as you maintain the faith.
Mind you, despite the simplicity of just believing, and coming to know
Teapot that way, some people will still reject the idea; they need
something more compelling, more scientific, to support the idea of Teapot.
For them, let us show that Teapot is a necessary entity. Let us start with
the most famous arguments, the Six Proofs of Teapot.
Proof 1: We know that there is motion in the world; whatever is in motion
is moved by another thing; this other thing also must be moved by
something; to avoid an infinite regression, we must posit a "first mover,"
which is Teapot. This is the "unmoved mover" argument.
Proof 2: A table is brought into being by a carpenter, who is caused by
his parents. Again, we cannot go on to infinity, so there must be a first
cause, which is Teapot. This is the "prime cause" argument.
Proof 3: All physical things, even mountains, boulders, and rivers, come
into being and go out of existence, no matter how long they last.
Therefore, since time is infinite, there must be some time at which none of
these things existed. But if there were nothing at that point in time, how
could there be anything at all now, since nothing cannot cause anything?
Thus, there must always have been at least one necessary thing that is
eternal, which is Teapot. This is the "cosmological argument".
Proof 4: Objects in the world have differing degrees of qualities such as
goodness. But speaking of more or less goodness makes sense only by
comparison with what is the maximum goodness, which is Teapot.
Proof 5: Things in the world move toward goals, just as the arrow does not
move toward its goal except by the archer's directing it. there must be an
intelligent designer who directs all things to their goals, and this is
Teapot.
Proof 6: Define "Teapot" as that [being] than which nothing greater can be
conceived." If Teapot existed only in the mind, He then would not be the
greatest conceivable being, for we could imagine another being that is
greater because it would exist both in the mind and in reality, and that
being would then be Teapot. Therefore, to imagine Teapot as existing only
in the mind but not in reality leads to a logical contradiction; this
proves the existence of teapot both in the mind and in reality.
These can be expanded upon as desired. For example, take the prime cause
argument as an example. We know there is a universe, so the universe must
have been brought into being somehow - it must have a creator. That
creator, we call Teapot. Of course, this leaves us in a quandary, as
that means Teapot exists and, by our own reasoning, must have a creator -
how to answer this?
We can offer two explanations. The first is that Teapot is eternal, has
always existed - see proof 3. The other is to note that Teapot's power is
unlimited; sufficient, even to actually be his own cause: that is,
Teapot's power is sufficient that Teapot could be his own creator.
Either of these is sufficient, of course, but we as mere mortals cannot
actually determine which is correct - or if there is in fact another
alternative, one which we simply have not discovered. Either way, we have
now firmly established that Teapot not only does exists, but in fact must
exist; to deny Teapot is to deny reason.
Now that we've firmly established that Teapot exists, what do we know of
his powers, if any?
Like any deity, we have to rely on two things to determine his powers; any
writings about him - particularly those inspired by him - and effects in
the world around us.
As with many deities, writings of Teapot are limited. In fact, so far,
this is the only known writing. However, since I happen to have a close,
personal relationship with Teapot, you can be assured that it is very
close to being absolutely true.
So what are Teapot's powers? As noted earlier, Teapot is in fact
all-powerful. He created the universe, after all. He's happy to grant
almost any request, answer any prayer... but...
What you have to remember is that Teapot also expects things of us. He
loves us, but we have to be worthy of that love. We have to believe, we
have to follow certain rules, such as never mixing milk and lemon in our
tea, if we're to stay in his graces. Also, he wants us to be strong, so
sometimes he will pose challenges for us. Those challenges may be harsh,
but if we keep the faith, we'll all be okay in the end - he will carry us
up to our reward after we die.
Of course, all this sounds very much like any other deity, so why Teapot?
Why choose him over God or Zeus or Odin? Frankly, Teapot seems a bit
silly, so why believe in him?
Easy: Teapot does something no other deity does: he is *visible*. You can
see him. He's about 20 cm across, weighs maybe half a kilo. He's brown,
with darker brown speckles. He has two stripes, one of pale blue, the
other of pale green. Oh, and he's usually got a dark sort of powdery
residue inside, from dried tea.
There. Teapot has all the attributes of even the best of other gods. He
has all their power. The arguments for them all apply equally well to
him... but unlike them, we can *see* that Teapot actually exists if we
wish to.
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
You need to make a video of this and put it on youtube.
.
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| User: "Kelsey Bjarnason" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 03:02:57 PM |
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|
[megasnip]
On Wed, 02 May 2007 12:13:32 -0700, Conspiracy of Doves wrote:
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
You need to make a video of this and put it on youtube.
Dunno about that. All I want to know is one, very simple thing: on what
basis does a theist *not* adopt Teapotism?
I fully expect one of two results: either they'll simply refuse to answer
the question, or they will, but with nothing more sensible than "That's
not a real god" or some such - in short, they won't actually come up with
a single _reason_ for not switching.
.
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| User: "Don Martin" |
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| Title: Re: Proofs of Teapot |
02 May 2007 06:20:24 PM |
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On Wed, 2 May 2007 13:02:57 -0700, Kelsey Bjarnason
<kbjarnason@ncoldns.com> wrote:
[megasnip]
On Wed, 02 May 2007 12:13:32 -0700, Conspiracy of Doves wrote:
Every theist will now, of course, immediately convert to Teapotism,
correct?
You need to make a video of this and put it on youtube.
Dunno about that. All I want to know is one, very simple thing: on what
basis does a theist *not* adopt Teapotism?
They seem pretty avid for despotism, why _NOT_ the Pot?
I fully expect one of two results: either they'll simply refuse to answer
the question, or they will, but with nothing more sensible than "That's
not a real god" or some such - in short, they won't actually come up with
a single _reason_ for not switching.
No takers on that bet.
Through a jaundiced eye darkly--rheum with a view.
The Squeeky Wheel
http://home.comcast.net/~drdonmartin/
.
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