Greywolf wrote:
Greetings people of earth:
I am visiting your planet on vacation. I hear so much about a creature you
earthlings call 'God'. Who or what is this creature? Where can I go to see
this entity? Is it dangerous? Is it truly 'invisible'? Please, I'd like to
know more about this creature. And, please, report only the truth about this
form of life. It turned out that this creature you earthlings call 'Bigfoot'
was a fabrication. I have only a short time remaining. My vacation will soon
be over. So haste in this matter is of the utmost importance.
(I can't wait to report back to my fellow Martians. They are going to be
shocked right out of their *yydt5NDS1'SS'* when they hear *this* one!)
Greywolf
(A Visitor from Mars)
I posted this about six years ago, under a pseudonym. Just thought it
might be mildly relevant here... :-)
Dear Atheists,
A curious thing happened to me the other day. A young gentleman
approached me in the street (I was visiting the town centre to purchase
some home decorating supplies), and asked me if I had a moment. I,
being a genial sort, said that I had, and asked him how I could help.
He produced, from a voluminous bag, a video, entitled "Jesus: The
Facts", and asked if I might like to watch it, and then have him and a
couple of his friends come round to my house to discuss what I thought
of it.
I then asked him what organisation he represented. He told me that
he was from a local evangelical church, and went on to say that he
wasn't trying to, as he put it, "convert" me, merely trying to let me
know a few things about the Christian religion, and I could make up my
own mind.
At that point I had to gently explain to him that, as I am not
indigenous to this planet, I was not particularly interested in local
mysticism, and, in any case, the strict terms of my mission objectives
compel me to abjure all contact with religious groups, lest I
unwittingly disrupt their belief system. In short, I said, my function
here was primarily participant observation, but with certain limits,
that being one of them.
He looked confused. He said: "Are you telling me that you're not
from this planet? You're not from Earth?"
I said "That is precisely what I am telling you, since it's the
truth."
He paused, then he laughed. He said: "That isn't possible. There
aren't any such things as aliens."
This upset me, as I felt insulted (I can assure you, I *do* exist,
and in any case, to me *he* was the alien). I said "I assume by alien
you mean 'extra-terrestrial life-form', in which case, how do you
*know* there isn't?"
"There's no proof," he said, "and in any case, the Bible doesn't
mention people from other planets".
Though it pains me to admit it, this frustrated me to the point of
breaking the Observer's code.
"I can't help that," I said, "We didn't first visit here until
around nine hundred and thirty years ago, and we *usually* keep
ourselves to ourselves. But," I said, withdrawing from my inside
pocket my Mission Objective and Conduct Manual (54th Revision), "what
about this? Isn't this proof? A genuine "alien" artifact!" I wagged
it in his face.
He looked at it. He said "That's not proof. *You* could have
written that, or someone else from around here could have."
"Ah," I said, leafing through the pages in front of him, "but
look...it's very old!" (And indeed it is, we've been using the same
version for a *very* long time. Personally, I think they should update
it again, but it's not my department).
"That doesn't matter," he retorted, "it could have been made up a
long time ago. Or just made to look that way."
"Then, I suppose, you'll just have to take it on faith that I'm not
from this planet," I said.
He looked at me. Then he said "Are you...mental?"
"If, by mental, you mean deranged, certainly not. And in any case,
why?" I said, "I'm doing no more that you would expect me to do:
Believe in something for which I have no proof, cannot test
empirically, and for which the sole "evidence" offered me is a book
which may or may not contain factual information, and has undergone
multiple revisions, such that it may barely resemble whatever source
material it came from. And, in fact, I'm not even asking you to abide
by its rules and conditions, which is what you would have of me."
He looked at me in a puzzled way again.
"Do you want the video, or not?" he said.
"Not," I said, and walked off.
There are some very odd people about, and no mistake.
And that's the last time *I* shop in Lewisham Market on a Saturday
morning...
.
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