Mother Holiness here

again with a question for the season: Don't you people
have any shame? Don't you realize that there are untold billions of
sinners frying in hell right now?

Do you really want to join them in
their torment? Hell got so big recently they had to move it out of
the bowels of the earth and up to the planet Venus,

where every raindrop is full of sulfuric acid and will make your flesh
literally sizzle when it hits you! Wouldn't you rather spend eternity
in a sprawling Southern mansion in the Kingdom of Heaven with my family
and me, a mansion complete with stately white columns and a reflecting
pool on the outside, plus plush wall-to-wall carpeting and elaborate
crystal chandeliers on the inside?

How can any of you prefer your own fleshly lusts for power, money, and the
fleeting pleasures of the all too mortal flesh to the Throne, the Crown,
the Scepter, and the plush Red Carpet you'll be awarded in heaven if you'll
only repent and stop neglecting your responsibilities as parents, educators,
and proper role models for children? That could easily include burning your
TV set.

I want to share with you this year's list of Halloween do's and
don'ts. Far too many of you do all the wrong things on this "holiday"
and leave your children open to the very real threat of demonic
possession in the process.

Not all terror comes from the Middle East -- but I think you all need to
remember who warned you about the kind that does come from there first. I
was telling you about the Threat from the Desert long before September 11,
2001.

The forces of darkness are waging war against your family at this very
moment. Nothing would please Satan more than to capture your children
and corrupt their precious young souls through the agency of such
evils as television, computer games, alcohol, drugs, the occult, and
that disgusting rock 'n' rap they listen to, not to mention
al-Qa'idah's operatives plotting terror and mayhem down at the local
mosque. If you want to keep your children out of trouble this year,
you'll pay careful attention
to the following recommendations from God's best friend and yours --
and the ultimate children's advocate, Reverend Mother Henrietta
"Holiness" Hickey.

1
DO illuminate your front porch or doorway on Halloween so kids won't
think you're a lonely, bitter old recluse who doesn't want children to
enjoy themselves at least once or twice a year. Show today's young
people that your light will shine in the darkness of greed, lust, and
hate, inspiring children to draw nigh unto God and to share His
blessings. If you have any open pits on your property, make sure
they're thoroughly barricaded on Halloween night, lest someone's
little monster fall in and embark on his or her journey into eternity
far too soon. Wouldn't that be a shame?

2
DON'T hand out any sugar-loaded candy or snacks. Kids can
easily become addicted to such poisons as Hershey Bars, KitKat, and
Jujyfruits.

3
DO hand out Gospel tracts explaining to children that Halloween is
fundamentally a Satanic celebration best avoided by True Christians.

4
DON'T let your children dress up as vampires, witches, werewolves,
extraterrestrials or another supernatural (which is to say demonic)

creatures. Mad scientists and mass murderers are also out, as are all
turban-wearing muftis or mullahs from the Islamic fringe. This year a
lot of children are still dressing up as soldiers, National Guardsmen,
doctors, and nurses to show their support for those brave men and
women who risk their lives every day to rescue that unworthy Third
World riff-raff over in the mostly Godless Middle East.

5
DO make sure your children cover up their tender young flesh on
Halloween, no matter how warm it is. Boys should not be allowed to
bare their chests or wear skimpy loincloths like Tarzan.

Girls must not be allowed to wear revealing clothes or to dress like popular
media "stars" like Britney Spears and Jennifer Aguilera. The no-bra
look is definitely out for any girl over ten. Even the most upscale
neighborhoods are full of child molesters and other deviates who will
lust after any half-dressed child if given the opportunity.

Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, and Las Ketchup are not proper role models for
today's girls. They all dress immodestly and tout their sexual
attributes openly and shamelessly. A few years ago I saw a girl
dressed as that wicked Jennifer Lopez. The things she did with that
Ben Affleck, a white Jew who ought to know better, are nothing short
of abominations in God's sight, and we all know it. I wouldn't give any of
my mixed nuts to any little *****-in-the making. What I'd like to give
her is a slap across the face, but instead I tell her that we don't serve
tramps at Hickey House any night of the year. Girls under the age of
ten shouldn't be allowed to wear lipstick and other serious makeup,
even on Halloween. They'll wind up just like that poor JonBenet
Ramsey, whose funny name was just the first among her many woes.

5
DON'T allow boys to dress up like girls or vice versa. Cross-dressing
is an abomination in the eyes of God and promotes homosexuality. A
lot of stage drag queens got their start when permissive parents
allowed them to cross-dress one Halloween.

Remember "Glen or Glenda"? That's how the devil plants gender confusion in
children's minds. Soon the devil convinces such children that they really
are members of the opposite sex and begins to cloud their mind with sinister
sexual impulses as well. Make sure the sex of every child is apparent from
the costume he or she is wearing.

6
DO consider having a safe and sane Halloween party at your home
instead of sending your children out into a dark night full of
devil-worshipping flakes and weirdoes. Homosexuals are especially
active on Halloween night. Most attend Black Masses at which they
sign the Gay Agenda in their own blood before pouncing on innocent
children. Many actually lie down and copulate with the devil or his
low priests during these blasphemous occasions to get charged up.

7
DON'T forget to have a short religious service during this party, at
which you give thanks to Almighty God for His many blessings. It's a
good idea to reclaim the entire holiday from the pagans by giving it a
religious theme, such as Daniel in the Lion's Den or Esther's Plea on
Behalf of Her People. It's beautiful to see children dressed up as
well-known Biblical characters. Just be sure your little Samsons and
Delilahs don't expose too much skin or get carried away while enacting
their parts. Remember that no girl under the age of fourteen should
ever be allowed to play Jezebel, for obvious reasons.

8
DO give your children Gospel tracts to pass out if they go
trick-or-treating.

They should be encouraged to report any and all suspicious activities to
you. If a pervert is seen trying to lure a child into a "haunted house,"
his activities should be reported to the police. Witches who entice
children to drink their hallucinogenic brews must be exposed as dope pushers
and jailed as corrupters of the young, and then hopefully prosecuted and,
if you live in a Bible-believing community, stoned to death as a dispenser
of death.

Make no mistake about it: the world is full of witches and they ALL
worship Satan. They may dress him up in drag and call him a nature
goddess or some such nonsense - but he is their Lord nonetheless. And
they do his evil work day and night by spreading Satanic doctrines to
anyone who will hear them -- especially impressionable young children.
Witches should be kept away from children, along with the purveyors
of all the Black Arts.

9
DON'T forget to inspect every piece of candy that's put in your
child's bag. Satanists

hate children and want to poison or injure them. Discard any candy that
shows evidence of tampering. Get rid of anything that contains more than
two grams of white sugar too. Kids don't need that much stimulation. Cut
any fruits into bite-sized squares. Satan's witches and warlocks

frequently insert pins and razor blades into the most innocuous-looking
sweets in order to kill them.

Remember, children, Jesus loves all of you,
No matter how sinful you are,
And most of you push the envelope every day when it comes to
wickedness!


Reverend Mother Henrietta "Holiness" Hickey
Gushing Fountain of True Christian Wisdom


Be sure to write in my name on Election day this year. What this
country needs is a Holy Theocracy - not four more years of
Bushwhacking.