uman: help

I feel so bad about asking for help. I don't feel like I am worth it to
get help. I mean
I feel like I am nothing and not good enough for someone to help me. No
I am not stuck up. I mean I don't feel like I am good enough for
someone
to want to help me. I feel like trash. A piece of junk. I am hurting so
bad inside it hurts. I can't get help from what some people call a
shrink . I call them a psychologist or psychiatrist. I can't take
medicine for depression due to taking anticonvulsants for serious
seizures. Anti-depressants only make things worse for me. It just makes
me more depressed and more suicidal. The depression medicine would be
great for me to o.d. on. See that is how bad the depression medicine
would be for me. I know I tried that for awhile and it only made things
worse and I tried to commit suicide more taking the medicine. So
medicine for depression is not good for me. I can only get help through
a psychologist, therapist, or people. But I can't get help through the
psychologist or therapist because I live at home with a parent due to
having serious seizures I can't live byself. Sometimes I have
to be rushed to the hospital. My parent is against me getting help
medically for my depression. I am not allowed to tell anyone how I feel
or what is going on in my life either. Parent's rule. I am just suspose
to keep things to myself all bottled up. No one to talk to. My brother
and sister would tell my parent what I told them and I would have a mad
parent. So I have to keep things bottled up. I tried talking to my
parent and they didn't want to hear it. They would ignore me or say I
don't want to hear it. I am suspose to just live with it and be happy.
I
have tried to slit my wrist with a knife or a razor and everytime I end
up with a dull knife or razor. I think all the knives and razors are so
old they are dull. I just have to keep trying to find one that will
work.