On Sat, 17 Sep 2005 16:30:00 -0400, "El Conquistador"
<serwad@bellsouth.net> wrote:

8:02 P.M. CDT

THE PRESIDENT: Good evening. It is a very good evening for me. I am still
an
obscenely wealthy and powerful autocratic leader of a nation of sheeple
who
falsely believe they are free. While I am surrounded by misery and
suffering, I make this presentation of shameless propaganda from a
comfortable, beautiful stage set while surrounded by an entourage of thugs
who assure my safety. I am speaking to you from what is left of the city
of
New Orleans, a gem of an American city which was gutted by a powerful
force
of nature, and by the insidious social experiment undertaken by my
malevolent administration. Millions of lives were destroyed by a cruel and
wasteful storm, and by a cruel and wasteful federal government over which
I
zealously preside.

In the aftermath of Katrina, the haves of this nation have gleefully
watched
the have-nots dispersed to the four corners of this great nation. As the
victims search for loved ones and grieve for the dead, America's attention
is diverted from my nomination of a Supreme Court Justice who will
strengthen the tyranny I have created, Karl Rove's criminal behavior, and
my
administration's numerous war crimes related to Iraq. The lies and
exaggerations of my media lap-dogs have persuaded many Americans that
blacks
are undisciplined animals who live off of government hand-outs, feeding my
agenda to end social welfare programs and perpetuating the lucrative
prison-industrial complex. With their persistent cries for civil rights,
blacks have been a thorn in the side of the American aristocracy long
enough.

These days of joy and elation for me and my base have been marred by acts
of
courage and kindness by members of the Coast Guard, who rescued tens of
thousands of the undesirables in New Orleans. Rest assured that my
administration will deal with them accordingly.

I have met first responders who performed their duties in spite of their
own
suffering. Steve Scott of the Biloxi Fire Department aided in rescue
efforts
despite having lost his house and car. For his obstruction of the purge of
undesirables, I will see to it that he loses more than just his physical
possessions.

Across the Gulf Coast, the people whose suffering I facilitated are
showing
a spirit and a faith in God which not even I could crush. However, there
is
a powerful determination amongst corporations, contractors, and
entrepreneurs to take what is left of these battered areas and utilize
them
for personal financial gain. Like me, they have no compassion or humility.
Our relentless bid for wealth and power will eventually break the backs of
the downtrodden.

To the victims of the hurricane dispelled far and wide, I send you this
message. Many soft, weak people I call "liberals" care about you. In
contrast, my base of the obscenely wealthy and I are relishing your
misery.
We are salivating at the opportunities to expand our wealth by rebuilding
your city with you out of our way. The Crescent City will rise again, and
as
it does, so will the balances in our bank accounts.

The National Guard and our hired thugs from Blackwater have nearly
completed
the task of quelling the New Orleans insurgency. Those thugs who were
stealing food to survive or staying in their homes to protect their meager
possessions have nearly been suppressed. Let the scenes of armed militia
battering down doors of private homes be a lesson to you other potential
dissidents across this great nation.

As we have restored "law and order" to New Orleans and have scattered the
"evacuees" to the wind, we have taken care of the truly important
business.
With that mass of worthless humanity out of our way, we have resumed trade
in the Port of New Orleans, restored the flow of precious gasoline that
ensures profits for me and my cronies in the oil industry, and have
repaired
the levees to prepare for the impending land grab by wealthy business
owners.

What I want you to believe is that our first commitment is to meet the
immediate needs of the refugees. To help convince you of my concern for
them, I have even started calling them evacuees rather than refugees.
However, the reality is that the aid the federal government is offering to
the evacuees is window dressing to maintain the facade that we still live
in
a democracy that is "of the people, by the people, and for the people".
After days of inaction on my part, Karl Rove reminded me that if we didn't
throw the poor some scraps, we could be looking at civil unrest and
rioting
across the nation. For assistance, please call this number: 1-877-EAT
CAKE.

To ensure that Americans believe we are helping the evacuees, but more
importantly to start the rebuilding efforts, I have ordered $60 billion in
aid. My friends in Congress gave me their usual rubber stamp. Know that
this
administration has been so generous with your tax dollars because the
money
will be flowing into the pockets of our friends at Shaw Contracting,
Halliburton, and Bechtel National. I have ensured that their profits will
be
further enhanced by suspending that vexatious Davis-Bacon Act. Forget the
damage caused by Katrina. The real tragedy would be if my friends were
obligated to pay America's working people reasonable wages, thereby
cutting
into their disaster profiteering.

Our second commitment, and our true agenda, is to rebuild the Gulf Coast.
We
will not rest until Trent Lott and I are able to share a drink on the
front
porch of his newly rebuilt home. Many of the 250,000 uninhabitable homes
in
New Orleans will be bull-dozed to make way for developments to benefit
corporations and the wealthy. While we are orchestrating the theft of
their
homes, we will implement programs to ensure that the poor, black former
denizens of New Orleans are permanently relocated to slums and decaying
urban cores of other major cities in the US.

The federal government will be heavily involved in the rebuilding process.
I
want my people to have ultimate authority to guarantee that my people
prosper from this calamity. Many of the same contractors who were awarded
large sums to rebuild the infrastructure in Iraq, and have bilked
America's
taxpayers of billions of dollars, will get the same opportunity here in
New
Orleans. We will see to it that the city of New Orleans changes its zoning
laws, to prevent the re-emergence of the disgusting "jungles" populated by
poor black "animals" which existed before Katrina.

I pledge a third commitment: The communities that we rebuild will be
better
than those before the disaster. We have already eliminated the persistent
poverty and racial discrimination prevalent in this region by evacuating
the
residents to various cities across the nation. Once this region is
rebuilt,
there will be a multitude of new businesses, including some token
minority-owned businesses to pacify the black community. When houses are
rebuilt, most of the residents will be white so they can own and not rent.

In keeping with our emphasis on businesses and profit over humanity, I am
proposing a Gulf Opportunity Zone in areas touched by the disaster. This
program will further the interests of entrepreneurs and business people,
and
move our nation closer to the raw capitalism that is so near and dear to
my
heart. The Zone will grant loans and tax incentives to business people so
they can begin prospering again while the poor continue to suffer. I want
you to believe that entrepreneurship breaks the cycle of poverty, but the
reality is that without a reasonable degree of government regulation, it
perpetuates impoverishment by keeping money in the hands of entrepreneurs
who pay meager wages and offer limited benefits to their employees.

I am also proposing Worker Recovery Accounts to help evacuees find work.
This will provide accounts of up to $5000.00 from which evacuees can draw
for education, job training and child care as they search for work. I want
assurances that the poor who are receiving federal assistance are not
using
the money to buy crack, and this program will weed out the "trash" of our
society.

The Urban Homesteading Act, another of my programs I will submit for
automatic endorsement by a Congress which is dominated by members of my
wealthy base will take the property in the region which the federal
government will appropriate from its rightful owners and create a lottery
for low-income individuals. Lottery winners will receive a plot of land on
which they will be required to build a home. My friends in the mortgage
industry will reap the windfalls of providing the financing. Those lottery
winners whose credit is too weak to qualify for a loan from my friends
will
have to rely on Habitat for Humanity to build their homes. If that does
not
work out, Wal-Mart sells some very affordable tents.

New Orleans presents a unique challenge. It is a city built below sea
level.
Now that we have expelled the scourges of humanity, my Army Corps of
Engineers will make the levees bigger and better. I will spare no expense
ensuring that my friends' investments are protected from future Katrinas.

We have witnessed armies of compassion as Americans have given generously
to
mitigate the plight of the suffering in New Orleans and throughout the
Gulf
Region. Because I remained on vacation and FEMA acted with gross
ineptitude,
the burden to aid the storm victims initially fell upon private charities,
organizations like the Red Cross, individual Americans, and religious
organizations. This is "compassionate conservatism" in action, and I am
delighted to see it working so well.

I want you to know that my administration will capitalize upon this
disaster, much like we did with the 9/11 tragedy. I have already apprised
you of the $60 billion which will flow into the coffers of companies with
ties to members of my administration and their friends. The financial
windfall will be wonderful, but the true benefit lies in the opportunity
to
expand our power. I realize that like the WTC catastrophe, the cataclysm
in
New Orleans has left Americans feeling fearful and insecure. We will prey
on
this trepidation to broaden executive powers and sweep away the remaining
semblance of a republic in America.

America, Big Brother is there for you. Above all, remember:

It is now clear that a challenge on this scale requires greater federal
authority and a broader role for the armed forces---the institution of our
government most capable of massive logistical operations on a moment's
notice.

While I realize that Americans expect a more effective response from the
federal government when a disaster of this magnitude happens, they need to
realize that under my New American Century, domestic programs like FEMA
have
been rendered impotent. The military is the essence of our government. The
US military budget, including money for its ancillary departments, is over
$600 billion per year. This siphons money away from domestic, humanitarian
programs like emergency response, education, and health care. But the good
news is that the rich who have high stakes in entities like the Carlyle
Group get richer as a result. Besides, my delayed and feeble response in
New
Orleans enabled the Gulf Region to rid itself of many of its criminal,
useless inhabitants.

Congress is preparing an investigation of the situation in New Orleans.
However, the results will be similar to the probes into 9/11 and Abu
Gharib.
My administration will see to it that no evidence of our culpability comes
to light, and if perpetrators are punished, they will be lower echelon
scapegoats.

The trials in the Gulf Coast remind Americans of their strength, as they
struggle against the forces of nature, and against the corruption and
criminal acts of my administration. These challenges also remind them that
the poor and working class are bound together, and that despair touches
all
of them. Meanwhile my rich friends and I raise glasses of outrageously
expensive champagne to toast the new opportunities for enrichment and
empowerment.

Because my rich, sheltered existence makes it impossible to empathize, I
cannot tell you that I understand what you are feeling while you are
sitting
on the porch where your home once stood or lying on a cot in an
over-crowded
government internment center. I can say that I doubt that you can imagine
a
bright future, but rest assured it will come for some of us. My friends
and
I will prosper at your expense.

Before Katrina and I joined forces to destroy it, New Orleans had a custom
for funerals for jazz musicians. Following the funeral procession, a band
would play a sorrowful dirge. After the coffin was laid to rest, the band
would break into a joyful tune to celebrate the soul's victory over death.
No such joyous music will emerge from our new New Orleans. My friends and
I
will erect a hollow, soulless shrine to the avarice and excesses of
capitalism. This I promise you.

Thank you, and may God continue to bless the wealthy of America.
posted by Jason Miller at 12:41 PM