I have been coming around the halls of NA since spring 2003. I've been
able to get some clean time together now since may 7th 2004 and have
been living life to the fullest ever since. I've gotten into service,
I'm the GSR for my homegroup and I help the public information commitee
keep their web site up to date (www.centralmassna.org) even though the
web site is probably the most unaesthetically pleasing at least its up
to date now. I've made tons of friends in the program and I use the
phone all the time. People even ask me for advice these days which
baffles the hell out of me. Last semester I got all A's and made the
Deans list for the first time in my life. I've got everything going for
me, NA has really turned my life around.
But even after looking at all these accomplishments I get these
absolute feelings of serious depression. It pisses the hell out of me
that I can have life going so well for me but for some reason feel as
though none of it fucking matters. I tried finding some kind of
spiritual remedy through prayer/meditation but my higher power just
doesn't talk clear enough. I don't know if anyone else ever feels like
this but I think I've lost my ability to share in groups. I just can't
articulate the way I feel these days. I don't have any real tangible
problems its just all mental I think. Somedays are better then others
but lately suicide has been popping up in my head all the time. I see a
therapist and have a sponsor who I talk to. I figured I'd give the
online thing a try and see what happens. If you read this far I thank
you and hope to hear some feedback, thanks.
Jason L
Central Mass NA