I read all that and from reading it, I don't really know what your
problem is. I'm just glad I don't have it.
I've had times where I wasn't satisifed with my life after I got clean
and sometimes I wasn't satisfied with my life despite having some
really impressive accomplishments. In those times I looked around and
found something that I could do that would be more satisfying and did
that instead. Sometimes I dropped what I had been doing before,
sometimes I just added something new on top of what I was already
doing.
I made a 4.0 GPA in Graduate School and got a Masters from a School of
Diplomacy. I went and worked with the State Department for a few years
and decided I wasn't happy and satisfied doing it. I tried law school
for the first year and made good grades, but I quit because I didn't
want to become a professional piece of *****. I quit and taught myself
to be a UNIX Administrator. I excelled in the field and found myself
years later in a six figure corporate management position in NJ. I
wasn't happy and satisfied doing it, so I quit and moved to KY and
started my own company which in addition to doing IT type stuff, I now
have a full machine shop for building things out of steel, aluminum,
etc. I was starting to get bored of that recently when I decided to go
and buy a house in the country a couple of months ago. I bought the
place and fixed it up and am selling it this month for $52K more than
I bought it for.
When I get bored or dissatisfied with my life, I change it and do
something different. I mean ... *****, what am I supposed to do...
settle into some boring life in a house with a white picket fence and
work for the same company for 45 years and get a crappy gold watch.
***** that, I'm going to experience everything I can while I'm hanging
around on earth. If I'm unhappy or dissatisfied, it's my own fault for
being so fucking boring and routine.
Greg P.
ps; Of course, some slacker will probably come along and explain how
your whole problem is some kind of chemical imbalance and all you need
is some Prozac to get over your depression. Don't bother trying to
change your actions and attitudes first, just take a pill. 5000 years
of human history and suddenly in the last 50 years nobody can survive
without medication to regulate their moods and keep them from
squirming around in school.
pps; There isn't much more from recovery. Recovery taught you how to
live clean, now it's up to you to do something with that life you were
given. Get out and do it.
I want to feel what Mary felt when God spent his seed.