| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Meteorite Debris" |
| Date: |
29 Oct 2005 07:38:43 PM |
| Object: |
Semi OT - Those Dumb Suburbanites |
From another group. Enjoy.
GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a
perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of
soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to
great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth
and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water
it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn
they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in
the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the
leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of
life.
ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great
piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about
....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St.
Francis.
--
Remove YOUR_SHOES before replying
apatriot #1, atheist #1417,
Chief EAC prophet
Jason Gastrich is praying for me on 8 January 2009
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~pk1956/
Apatriotism Yahoo Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/apatriotism
Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves
were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in
Hell.
-Mencken
.
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| User: "johac" |
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| Title: Re: Semi OT - Those Dumb Suburbanites |
30 Oct 2005 12:39:04 AM |
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In article <MPG.1dceba124454b1a998a288@news.optusnet.com.au>,
Meteorite Debris <epicurus1@YOUR_SHOESoptusnet.com.au> wrote:
From another group. Enjoy.
LOL! Excellent!
<snip funny story for brevity>
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
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| User: "Denis Loubet" |
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| Title: Re: Semi OT - Those Dumb Suburbanites |
30 Oct 2005 01:17:29 AM |
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"johac" <jhachm@ixpres.remove.com> wrote in message
news:jhachm-B379C1.22390429102005@news.giganews.com...
In article <MPG.1dceba124454b1a998a288@news.optusnet.com.au>,
Meteorite Debris <epicurus1@YOUR_SHOESoptusnet.com.au> wrote:
From another group. Enjoy.
LOL! Excellent!
But the story doesn't even mention the fucking neighborhood association
nazis that enforce the described behavior.
--
Denis Loubet
dloubet@io.com
http://www.io.com/~dloubet
http://www.ashenempires.com
.
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| User: "johac" |
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| Title: Re: Semi OT - Those Dumb Suburbanites |
30 Oct 2005 06:03:21 PM |
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In article <MJedndUGVvTh-PneRVn-rQ@io.com>,
"Denis Loubet" <dloubet@io.com> wrote:
"johac" <jhachm@ixpres.remove.com> wrote in message
news:jhachm-B379C1.22390429102005@news.giganews.com...
In article <MPG.1dceba124454b1a998a288@news.optusnet.com.au>,
Meteorite Debris <epicurus1@YOUR_SHOESoptusnet.com.au> wrote:
From another group. Enjoy.
LOL! Excellent!
But the story doesn't even mention the fucking neighborhood association
nazis that enforce the described behavior.
We have them too. They spend several days a week patrolling the area for
rusty lawn chairs, or flower pots two inches out into the walkways. I
got busted for the latter, and it wasn't even my flower pot. By the time
I sent them a myob letter, the real owner had removed it and I never got
a reply. Damned busybodies!
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
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