Anal Sex Scene Edited Out of Final Harry Potter Novelhttp://www.landoverb=

True Christian=E2=84=A2 News Release - Harry Potter Gets It in the End!

INTERNATIONAL EXCLUSIVE (no reprinting without attribution)

London, England -
In what Christians everywhere are calling a "victory for Jesus' love,"
Bloomsbury Publishing has capitulated, in the face of countless death
threats from angry Christian school children, their parents and a
prominent garden club in Hertfordshire, and announced that it will
edit out several lurid lines from an explicit anal sex scene between a
coquettish and greased-up Harry Potter and a very drunk, opportunistic
Rubeus Hagrid in the final J.K. Rowling Book, "The Deathly Hallows."

Despite the victory, most Christians in America will forbid their
innocent youngsters to read the Harry Potter books. It is a common
belief among Baptists that the novels are nothing more than carefully
crafted training manuals for junior Satanists. If you have any
questions about this policy, you are to address them to Pastor at the
next book burning, currently scheduled, as usual, for Friday evening.

Anal Sex Scene Edited Out of Final Harry Potter Novel
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0707/potter.html

True Christian™ News Release - Harry Potter Gets It in the End!

INTERNATIONAL EXCLUSIVE (no reprinting without attribution)

London, England -
In what Christians everywhere are calling a "victory for Jesus' love,"
Bloomsbury Publishing has capitulated, in the face of countless death
threats from angry Christian school children, their parents and a
prominent garden club in Hertfordshire, and announced that it will
edit out several lurid lines from an explicit anal sex scene between a
coquettish and greased-up Harry Potter and a very drunk, opportunistic
Rubeus Hagrid in the final J.K. Rowling Book, "The Deathly Hallows."

"We understand that shameless shenanigans in and about the ***** is so
common a practice for English school boys, that the very idea of
resisting is wholly lost to them by the time they are old enough to
unbuckle long pants," says Landover Baptist Pastor, Deacon Fred. "The
practice of having the male go up into the male is so endemic on that
rainy little island that its inhabitants have taken to telling
strangers "bugger off" when the buggery, which is ordinarily expected
whenever two males meet, has been called off unexpectedly. So, the
fact that anal sex, as common in England as a handshake in the United
States, made its way into a book written by an unsaved Brit is hardly
surprising. We just thought that a five-page, explicit, and lovingly
rendered description of the act was more than American Christians
would willingly allow -- even in a book they are already banned from
reading! A tender scene in a stone castle turret with 2,300 candles
romantically floating over a warm, scented bubble bath in which a man
who looks like a water buffalo mounts a boy to soapy splashes and
giggling screams of delight might fly with the Brits, but here in
America, it is illegal and a waste of good candles!"

After countless complaints to Buckingham Palace and an exhaustive
spambot campaign by the Southern Baptist Convention, J.K. Rowling was
called upon by her editors to come up with a new way of revealing to
her readers why the name "Potter" is so significant. "I don't care
what she comes up with and I won't be reading the book," says one
Baptist minister. "But even a congregation as literal-minded as mine
knows what that smutty gal is alluding to when she writes about
sticking a big, thick pen into a little ink pot, thereby becoming a
Potter."

The removal of the anal sex scene was the dying wish of Rev. Jerry
Falwell who on his deathbed, whispered the edict to a small crowd of
prominent religious figures. "He wanted to continue his important
legacy of legislating morality in regard to items of heresy from
beyond his double-wide grave," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "We believe
the publisher's decision to remove the so-called "double penetration"
aspect of the scene by deleting references to a magical roll of coins
is a tribute to the power of Jesus Christ and his followers, but we
call upon Bloomsbury Publishing to also remove the smutty reference to
Harry's wand and some of the wholly gratuitous moaning that peppers
the scene."

Despite the victory, most Christians in America will forbid their
innocent youngsters to read the Harry Potter books. It is a common
belief among Baptists that the novels are nothing more than carefully
crafted training manuals for junior Satanists. If you have any
questions about this policy, you are to address them to Pastor at the
next book burning, currently scheduled, as usual, for Friday evening.

Bramble

Anal Sex Scene Edited Out of Final Harry Potter Novel
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0707/potter.html