| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"juliekale" |
| Date: |
07 Aug 2003 05:38:12 AM |
| Object: |
Some koans for you. |
Enjoy. :)
****
A young and studious monk went his teacher and said,
"Teach me all about the Buddha nature." His teacher pushed him
on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher,
saying, "I am wiser today than yesterday. Teach me about the
Buddha nature." The teacher clobbered him again.
This went on for days until finally the young student
could stand it no more. He tearfully left the monastery and
went back to his temple at home. There he told the chief monk what
had happened. The chief monk said, "You are really stupid! That
monk was kinder to you than a grandmother!"
The young student went back to the monastery, and found
his teacher. He threw the teacher on the ground. His teacher got
up and said, "Now I will teach you about the Buddha nature."
****
A monk said to Joshu, "I have just entered this
monastery. Please teach me."
"Have you eaten your breakfast?" Joshu asked.
"Yes, I have," replied the student.
"Then you had better wash your bowl."
***
If you meet a person on the path, do not greet him
with words or silence.
How will you greet him?
***
Two monks went fishing in an electron river. The
first monk drew out his network, and out flopped a hacker.
The second monk cried, "The poor hacker! How can it live
outside of the network?" The first monk said, "When you
have learned to live outside the network, then you will know."
***
What is the vector which is orthogonal to itself?
***
--
Be as you are,
From alt.atheism only...Julie Kale (aa 1029)
www.juliekale.com
.
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| User: "Ike Milligan" |
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| Title: Re: Some koans for you. |
08 Aug 2003 06:40:10 PM |
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"juliekale" <me[spammenot]@juliekale.com> wrote in message
news:o_pYa.18172$K4.1038940@twister.tampabay.rr.com...
Enjoy. :)
****
A young and studious monk went his teacher and said,
"Teach me all about the Buddha nature." His teacher pushed him
on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher,
saying, "I am wiser today than yesterday. Teach me about the
Buddha nature." The teacher clobbered him again.
This went on for days until finally the young student
could stand it no more. He tearfully left the monastery and
went back to his temple at home. There he told the chief monk what
had happened. The chief monk said, "You are really stupid! That
monk was kinder to you than a grandmother!"
The young student went back to the monastery, and found
his teacher. He threw the teacher on the ground. His teacher got
up and said, "Now I will teach you about the Buddha nature."
****
A monk said to Joshu, "I have just entered this
monastery. Please teach me."
"Have you eaten your breakfast?" Joshu asked.
"Yes, I have," replied the student.
"Then you had better wash your bowl."
***
If you meet a person on the path, do not greet him
with words or silence.
How will you greet him?
***
Two monks went fishing in an electron river. The
first monk drew out his network, and out flopped a hacker.
The second monk cried, "The poor hacker! How can it live
outside of the network?" The first monk said, "When you
have learned to live outside the network, then you will know."
***
What is the vector which is orthogonal to itself?
***
Two monks walked beside a pond.
"How happy the fish are!"
"You're not a fish, so how do you know whether fish are happy or not?"
"You're not me, so how do you know whether I know whether fish are happy or
not?"
--
Be as you are,
From alt.atheism only...Julie Kale (aa 1029)
www.juliekale.com
.
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| User: "Gregory Gadow" |
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| Title: Re: Some koans for you. |
07 Aug 2003 08:49:27 AM |
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From "Zen Judaism: For You, A Little Enlightenment" by David Bader
******
Do not kvetch.
Be a kvetch.
Become one with your whining.
******
To know the Buddha is the highest attainment. Second highest is to go to
the same doctor as the Buddha.
******
Though only your skin, sinews and bones remain,
though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away,
yet shall you meditate and not stir
until you have attained full Enlightenment.
But first, a little nosh.
******
Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
is a symptom of a terminal illness.
******
There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never
visited.
And whose fault was that?
******
Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like
that.
--
Gregory Gadow
techbear@serv.net
http://www.serv.net/~techbear
"If you make yourself a sheep, the wolves will eat you."
-- Benjamin Franklin
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| User: "Dave W" |
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| Title: Re: Some koans for you. |
07 Aug 2003 12:18:08 PM |
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Gregory Gadow <techbear@serv.net> wrote in news:3F3258E7.23A9D298
@serv.net:
From "Zen Judaism: For You, A Little Enlightenment" by David Bader
******
Do not kvetch.
Be a kvetch.
Become one with your whining.
******
To know the Buddha is the highest attainment. Second highest is to go
to
the same doctor as the Buddha.
******
Though only your skin, sinews and bones remain,
though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away,
yet shall you meditate and not stir
until you have attained full Enlightenment.
But first, a little nosh.
******
Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
is a symptom of a terminal illness.
******
There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never
visited.
And whose fault was that?
******
Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like
that.
How many Buddist Monks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A tree in a golden forest.
--
Dave W a.a.#1967
.
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| User: "raven1" |
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| Title: Re: Some koans for you. |
07 Aug 2003 06:22:00 PM |
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On Thu, 07 Aug 2003 22:35:17 GMT, Dave W
<question.everythingUCEWILLBEIGNORED@verizon.net> wrote:
Gregory Gadow <techbear@serv.net> wrote in
news:3F328F83.F853E5BC@serv.net:
Dave W wrote:
How many Buddist Monks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A tree in a golden forest.
How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They don't call it "enlightenment" for nothing.
None, They are the light bulb.
A Buddhist walks into a pizza parlor and says "make me one with
everything"...
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| User: "Pat Kiewicz" |
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| Title: Re: Some koans for you. |
08 Aug 2003 07:23:49 AM |
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raven1 said:
A Buddhist walks into a pizza parlor and says "make me one with
everything"...
The Buddhist give the counterman a twenty to pay for the pizza. The counterman
turns to the next customer.
"What about my change?" cries the Buddhist.
And the counterman replies, "Change must come from within."
--
Pat K. aa#1154
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
(attributed to Don Marti)
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| User: "raven1" |
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| Title: Re: Some koans for you. |
07 Aug 2003 07:08:10 AM |
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On Thu, 07 Aug 2003 10:38:12 GMT, "juliekale"
<me[spammenot]@juliekale.com> wrote:
Enjoy. :)
****
A young and studious monk went his teacher and said,
"Teach me all about the Buddha nature." His teacher pushed him
on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher,
saying, "I am wiser today than yesterday. Teach me about the
Buddha nature." The teacher clobbered him again.
This went on for days until finally the young student
could stand it no more. He tearfully left the monastery and
went back to his temple at home. There he told the chief monk what
had happened. The chief monk said, "You are really stupid! That
monk was kinder to you than a grandmother!"
The young student went back to the monastery, and found
his teacher. He threw the teacher on the ground. His teacher got
up and said, "Now I will teach you about the Buddha nature."
****
A monk said to Joshu, "I have just entered this
monastery. Please teach me."
"Have you eaten your breakfast?" Joshu asked.
"Yes, I have," replied the student.
"Then you had better wash your bowl."
***
If you meet a person on the path, do not greet him
with words or silence.
How will you greet him?
***
Two monks went fishing in an electron river. The
first monk drew out his network, and out flopped a hacker.
The second monk cried, "The poor hacker! How can it live
outside of the network?" The first monk said, "When you
have learned to live outside the network, then you will know."
***
What is the vector which is orthogonal to itself?
"Does the cow have a Buddha nature?"
"Mooooooo".
.
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