| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"MarkA" |
| Date: |
11 Jan 2006 12:17:31 PM |
| Object: |
Stalkers |
Did it ever occur to you that theists are like stalkers? A stalker is
obsessed with the person he/she is stalking. The stalkee does not
reciprocate, or give any indication of wanting anything to do with the
stalker. The stalker, OTOH, interprets any action on the part of the
stalkee as evidence that the stalkee welcomes their attention.
Angel: Um....God?
God: What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?
Angel: It's those creatures on that planet "Earth". They're still trying
to talk to you. They're sending you gifts, singing songs, that kind of
stuff.
God: What, are you fucking kidding me?? Are you talking about those
hairless primates that evolved thumbs and language a few millenia ago?
You haven't been answering them, have you?
Angel: Err....
God: Out with it...
Angel: Well, about 6,000 years ago, some of the guys thought it would be
fun to make some appearances to them. You know, the burning bush trick,
that kind of stuff. I guess they remembered parts of the routine, and
wrote them down.
God: Oh, great. They will keep pestering us non-stop. I suppose we'll
have to wipe them out, or something. Let's see, what to do, what to do...
Plague? Giant asteroid? Volcano?
Angel: Let's do another super volcano! I love those!
God: Yeah, fine, whatever....now, leave me alone, I'm working on another
Universe...
--
MarkA
(this space accidentally filled in)
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| User: "Conspiracy of Doves" |
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| Title: Re: Stalkers |
11 Jan 2006 01:19:46 PM |
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MarkA wrote:
Did it ever occur to you that theists are like stalkers? A stalker is
obsessed with the person he/she is stalking. The stalkee does not
reciprocate, or give any indication of wanting anything to do with the
stalker. The stalker, OTOH, interprets any action on the part of the
stalkee as evidence that the stalkee welcomes their attention.
Angel: Um....God?
God: What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?
Angel: It's those creatures on that planet "Earth". They're still trying
to talk to you. They're sending you gifts, singing songs, that kind of
stuff.
God: What, are you fucking kidding me?? Are you talking about those
hairless primates that evolved thumbs and language a few millenia ago?
You haven't been answering them, have you?
Angel: Err....
God: Out with it...
Angel: Well, about 6,000 years ago, some of the guys thought it would be
fun to make some appearances to them. You know, the burning bush trick,
that kind of stuff. I guess they remembered parts of the routine, and
wrote them down.
God: Oh, great. They will keep pestering us non-stop. I suppose we'll
have to wipe them out, or something. Let's see, what to do, what to do...
Plague? Giant asteroid? Volcano?
Angel: Let's do another super volcano! I love those!
God: Yeah, fine, whatever....now, leave me alone, I'm working on another
Universe...
--
MarkA
(this space accidentally filled in)
Have you heard this story before?
http://atheism.org/misc/humor/fundies.html
Fundamentalists
Bryan Hayward
"Aaaahhhh, *****!" Satan shouted as she returned home from a party at
Olympus. Her son, the preadolescent Yahweh, had destroyed her project.
To her trained eye, it was in shambles. She began a tirade any mother
would be familiar with.
"I go a few dimensions away for a few millenia, and you take it as
license to run amok! What gives you the incredible idea you can mess
with my projects without my permission! Well, the time of judgement is
upon you! You're grounded for the next 2 eons. And I don't want you to
show your face to me for the next millenia, or I might do something I
will regret!"
Yahweh realized he had really done it this time and that discretion is
the better part of valor. He fled. Satan looked at the project with a
critical eye, trying to best figure out how to fix it. She sighed, and
began mumbling to herself:
"Let's see - several interventions - how damn clumsy! Self-revelation
to only a few - simply malicious - I will have to add another eon for
that. Doesn't he realize that fosters fanaticism and intolerance?
Direct interference in the subjects' attempts at observation - How is a
subject supposed to learn like that? It encourages superstition and
fear. Hmmm, playing favorites - another good way to get the poor
subjects to kill one another, especially by telling them some sort of
evil enemy is siding with those not favored! The rest of the staff is
going to feel swell about that. I hope Dionysus isn't too pissed about
how Yahweh perverted sex. I thought it was one of Di's better
inventions. I do hope Hera understands it wasn't *me* who made women
the heavy for the subjects' suffering. Arrrgh. How to fix it? Yes, yes.
A final wave of fundamentalism - mm, hm. Discredit religion for good.
It will work, but it won't be fun for all those atheists. A pity, they
were on the right track, too. That is good news. At least I can report
that the design specs were good. A much greater than expected number of
atheists, agnostics, and apathetics, considering how badly Yahweh has
interfered. Yeah, a qualified success. But look at all those fundies.
Gack! It will take some doing to discredit them - so damn many! But
lower than expected. Whew! This is going to be painful. But how else am
I going to deprogram an entire species?"
Thus spoke Satan as she settled in to repair her nearly wrecked project.
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| User: "Uncle Buck" |
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| Title: Re: Stalkers |
14 Jan 2006 01:27:26 AM |
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On Wed, 11 Jan 2006 13:17:31 -0500, MarkA <toor@nowhere.com> wrote:
Did it ever occur to you that theists are like stalkers?
:-?
Was that ever in doubt?
:-/
Though you could remove the word "like" for a more accurate statement...
9_9
--
L8r,
Uncle Buck
aa#88
BAAWA Knight
"The gap betwixt civility and barbarism is the width of a tooth."
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