Michael Moore is so fat that when he goes to a restaurant,
he looks at the menu and says "OK!"
-----------
Michael is so fat he eats Wheat Thicks.
-----------
Michael is so fat, when his beeper goes off, people think he's
backing up.
-----------
Michael is so fat that when he sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows
up and tries to tow him back into the ocean.
----------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between garbage and Michael Moore?
Sometimes garbage gets picked up!
-----------
How did Michael Moore bloody his fingers?
He thought they were sausages!
-----------
Why are Michael Moore's legs yellow.
Because his dog is blind!
-----------
A group of scientists found an ape like creature in the wilds which
they
were certain was the missing link. The proof of their theory, though,
required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what
characteristics
the progeny would take on. So they put an add in the paper:
"$500 to mate with ape."
The next morning Michael Moore called up in response to the ad and
said
that he'd be willing to be part of the experiment. "But," he said,
I have three conditions."
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
"First: My boyfreind must never know."
"Second: The children must be raised with queers."
"Third: If I can pay in installments, I'm defintely interested!"
-----------
A guy walks into a bar and says that he has some really funny
Michael Moore jokes. The bartender tells him that he needs to be
really carefull because Michael is sitting over in the corner and
can hear everything with his big heffer ears. The man says OK, I'll
talk really slow so he can understand.
-----------
Why does Michael Moore have such a big nose on his HUGE pumpkin head?
Because it is hand picked!
-----------
Michael hates guns because the one, and only time he went hunting he
came upon a sign on the way to the hunting grounds that said "Bear
Left,"
so he got mad and went home!
-----------
Michael Moore was caught planting Cheerios in his garden?
It seems that he thought they were doughnut seeds!
-----------
How come Michael Moore never goes elephant hunting?
He got tired of being shot at! Another reason he hates guns!
-----------
How do you know that Michael Moore has broken into your house?
Everything is eaten up, but the valuables are still there!
-----------
What were the three most terrible years for Michael Moore?
Kindergarten!
-----------
What does Michael Moore do after he sucks a *****?
He swallows the feathers!
-----------
What is Michael Moore's favorite TV show?
NAMBLA Times!
-----------
What does Michael Moore use as a pickup line at the gay bar?
Your face or mine?
-----------
Michael Moore wants to get married, but before he does he needs
to move to Massachusetts.
-----------
Why can't Michael Moore use a vibrator?
Because it chips his teeth!
-----------
Why do tampons have strings?
So Michael Moore can floss after he eats!
-----------
How does a queer, like Michael Moore, know how to make love to another
fat queer? He rolls him in flour and goes for the wet spot!
-----------
How does Michael's boyfriend know that Michael Moore is getting
a little to large?
Because when Michael sits on his face he can't hear the stereo any
longer!
-----------
Michael Moore was caught beating the tar out of some poor soul the
other day because they had a bumper sticker, that he took offense to,
that said; "NUKE THE WHALES!"
-----------
What does Michael Moore use as a vibrator?
Him epileptic boyfreind!
-----------
How can you tell when Michael Moore has the runs?
There is a nickel on your bedstand and the mattress is missing!
-----------
What's the gooey stuff between Michael Moores toes?
People that move slower than he does!
-----------
What are the only three words that the people that watch Michael's
movies
will ever learn to say?
"Attention K-Mart shoppers....."
-----------
What's the difference between an elephant sitting on a stool behind
a desk and Michael Moore doing the same?
The elephant is more intelligent!
-----------
How does Michael Moore say "Screw You" to his audience?
He says "Trust Me!"
-----------
Why does Michael Moore wear long shirts?
To hide the NO-PEST-STRIPS hanging from his nipple rings!
-----------
How do you get Michael Moore really mad at you?
Knock the toilet seat over while he is getting a drink!
-----------
What's the toughest part of when Michael Moore eats vegetables?
The wheelchairs!
-----------
Why did Michael Moore's last boyfriend trade him for an outhouse?
Because the hole was smaller and the smell was better!
-----------
How do you know Michael Moore is a raging queer?
Because he licks his vibrator and rolls in his own *****-stains!
-----------
What's the definition of confusion?
Michael Moore with a blindfold, while in a fishmarket!
-----------
How can you tell when Michael Moore has a hardon?
His tongue sticks out!
-----------
Why does Michael Moore take enemas with vineger and honey?
His boyfriend likes sweet-and-sour pork!
-----------
Why is Michael Moore's new boyfriend so happy?
Michael lets him try a new wrinkle every night!
-----------
Why does Michael Moore smell so bad?
So blind people can hate him too!
-----------
Michael Moore was locked up in the state prison for five years for
sitting on someone and killing them. He was so huge they had to keep
him in a seperate cage, away from other people. All of the time he was
there he could think of nothing but getting out and eating some *****.
The day finally came for Michael's release. Michael walked out of
the
prison with a new tent tarp and ten dollars he stole from the mornings
prayer service. Michael made a beeline for the nearest gay bar. He
entered the gay bar and slammed his crispy new ten dollar bill down on
the counter and said, "I wanna eat me some ***** right now!"
"Where have you been said the skinny queer behind the bar. "Ten
dollars
don't buy much ,more than a close look nowadays." "Listen honey," said
Michael, pulling the skinny queer right out of his chair by his dog
coller,
"I want to eat some *****, and I want it now!"
"Okay, okay," gasped the skinny queer, "I'll see what I can do."
So
Michael followed him through to the very back of the gay bar, through
some
stained, tattered curtains, and into a greasy grimy smelly little room
with a really fat ugly disgusting queer with hairy legs lay
spread eagle on a moth chewed mattress, on the floor. "He's yours for
the ten bucks," said the skinny queer, and Michael went at him like a
jelly doughnut.
After a little while Michael came across a piece of slimy egg.
"That's funny," Michael thought to himself, "I don't think I had eggs
for
breakfast." But he swallowed it and kept eating away at that big
greasy
*****. Next Michael found a piece of chipped beef wedged between him
teeth.
"I'm sure I haven't eaten chipped beef today," Michael thought, but
swallowed it and kept munching that meat popsicle. Then Michael came
across the corn.
"I know I have not eaten any corn today," Michael said sitting up.
"I hate corn." said Michael. "I think I may puke my guts out."
"Ya know," said the big greasy queer, "That's what the last guy
said that was in here, before he blew big chunks."
-----------
Michael Moore does not go to a proctologist.
He goes to a spelunker!
-----------
Did you hear about the new feminine-hygiene product that Michael Moore
will sponsor for K-Mart?
It's called Toxic-Shock-Absorbers.
-----------
There was a really horny young gay couple making out in the back seat
of their car. Temperatures were rising and things were getting pretty
intense, and finally the one guy gasped, "Oh darling, darling, kiss me
where it smells really nasty."
So he drove him to Michael Moore's house.
-----------
What's the difference between a bowling ball and Michael Moore?
The ball has a higher IQ.
-----------
How can you tell when Michael Moore is not wearing underpants?
By the dead flies on his shoes.
-----------
What did the blind man say when the truck from the rendering plant
drove by?
Good morning Michael.
-----------
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Michael Moore has been going to a psychiatrist for years, and one
day he decided he'd had enough of it. "Doctor," Michael said, clomping
into his office, "I've been seeing you every week for five years now.
I don't feel any better; I don't feel any worse--What's the story?
I want you to level with me: What's wrong with me?"
"Well," said the doctor, "I'll tell you. You are a crazy nutcase."
"Now wait just a minute," Michael snorted. "I want a second opinion."
"Okay," said the doctor. "You're a big fat ugly greasy slob, too!"
------------
What does Michael Moore think to himself when he sees a hitchhiker?
Lunch!
------------
What does Michael Moore think to himself when he sees a
one legged hitchhiker?
Corndog.
------------
What is California's most hated vegetable?
Michael Moore.
------------
Why do the people on Michael Moore's street throw their garbage out
using clear plastic bags?
So Michael Moore can go window shopping.
-----------
Why did God invent halloween?
So people could dress up and look like Michael Moore.
-----------
Whats the difference between Michael Moore and an elephant?
50 pounds and an ugly fat bearded face.
-----------
How do you solve the over population problem?
Tell Michael Moore that people taste like fried chicken.
----------
How do you get forty haitians in a kayak?
Tell them it floats.
How do you get Michael Moore in a ship?
Tell him the Exon Valdeze is a kayak.
----------
What's the difference between an Italian mother, a Jewish mother, and
Michael Moore?
The Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate,
I'll kill you."
The Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate,
I'll kill myself."
Michael Moore just stuffs the kid full of food and then eats the kid.
-----------
What's brown and has holes in it?
Michael Moores underpants after eating a mexican.
-----------
How did God make Michael Moore?
By sand blasting Ophra Winfrey.
-----------
Did you ever hear about the time Michael Moore picked his nose
apart to see what made it run?
-----------
Why does Michael Moore wear high rise shoes?
So his knuckles don't drag.
-----------
How do you know that Michael Moore is not a descendent of
Adam and Eve?
Ever try to take a rib from Michael?
-----------
What's the difference between Michael Moore and a Vulture?
The Vulture waits till you are dead.
-----------
Did you hear about the abortion clinic that Michael Moore
is donating money to?
It has a one year waiting list.
-----------
Did you hear about the Michael Moore hockey team?
They all drowned in spring training.
-----------
What's the smallest space in the world?
Michael Moore's brain cavity.
-----------
Did you hear about Michael Moore eating a whole case of Monostat 7?
He heard somebody say something about yeast.
-----------
Did you hear about Michael eating a whole case of Preperation H?
He heard someone say it is for red dingle berries.