THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER - MODERN VERSION
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or
shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide
pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a
table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson
stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news
stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has
the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair
share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The
ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to
represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and
the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed
from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the
case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is
found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is
taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
.
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