| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Steve O" |
| Date: |
03 Jan 2006 02:46:54 PM |
| Object: |
Why can't I own a Canadian? |
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast
resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need
some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws
and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
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| User: "duke" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 07:36:17 PM |
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On Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:46:54 +0000, Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote:
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
First, are you a slave?
duke
*****
"The Mass is the most perfect form of Prayer."
Pope Paul VI
*****
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| User: "Steve O" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 08:24:56 PM |
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duke wrote:
On Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:46:54 +0000, Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote:
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
First, are you a slave?
To a lot of things, yes.
It entirely depends on what you mean by slavery.
If you mean it in the original sense of the word, then, no, I am not a
slave.
However, it is completely beyond me as to why you would ask such a silly
fucking question.
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| User: "R. Pierce Butler" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 06:28:02 PM |
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Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
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| User: "Steve O" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 06:39:02 PM |
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R. Pierce Butler wrote:
Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
Ah, thanks.
I had just come across it myself.
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| User: "duke" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 07:36:57 PM |
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On Wed, 04 Jan 2006 00:39:02 +0000, Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote:
R. Pierce Butler wrote:
Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
Ah, thanks.
I had just come across it myself.
There's a lot of things you're just coming across. Starting with common sense.
duke
*****
"The Mass is the most perfect form of Prayer."
Pope Paul VI
*****
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| User: "Steve O" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 08:22:57 PM |
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duke wrote:
On Wed, 04 Jan 2006 00:39:02 +0000, Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote:
R. Pierce Butler wrote:
Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
Ah, thanks.
I had just come across it myself.
There's a lot of things you're just coming across. Starting with common sense.
Would you care to explain?
Or are you just spouting verbal garbage as usual?
Kindly explain where I am lacking common sense, or better still, don't
bother, and confirm to everyone that you make wild claims without
backing them up
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
04 Jan 2006 06:52:53 PM |
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On Wed, 04 Jan 2006 02:22:57 +0000, Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote
in alt.atheism
duke wrote:
On Wed, 04 Jan 2006 00:39:02 +0000, Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote:
R. Pierce Butler wrote:
Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
Ah, thanks.
I had just come across it myself.
There's a lot of things you're just coming across. Starting with common sense.
Would you care to explain?
Or are you just spouting verbal garbage as usual?
Kindly explain where I am lacking common sense, or better still, don't
bother, and confirm to everyone that you make wild claims without
backing them up
Puke lies worse than a rug.
--
Fundies and trolls are urged to shove
a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed.
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| User: "Fred Acquistapace" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 06:45:57 PM |
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R. Pierce Butler wrote:
Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
That is true, but it does not make it improper to ask. Jesus said his
followers were to keep the whole Law, and these are parts of that Law.
How can Christians neglect the command to keep every one of the 613
parts of the Law and still maintain their integrity? Perhaps they are
happier following Paul's advice to disregard the Law and therefore be
Pauline rather than Christian.
Fred Acquistapace
www.AllGodsAreLies.com
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
04 Jan 2006 06:53:57 PM |
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On 3 Jan 2006 16:45:57 -0800, "Fred Acquistapace" <fred@ap.net> wrote in
alt.atheism
R. Pierce Butler wrote:
Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote in news:420661F1gq8nbU1@individual.net:
That Dr. Laura article has been bouncing around the internet for years.
That is true, but it does not make it improper to ask. Jesus said his
followers were to keep the whole Law, and these are parts of that Law.
How can Christians neglect the command to keep every one of the 613
parts of the Law and still maintain their integrity? Perhaps they are
happier following Paul's advice to disregard the Law and therefore be
Pauline rather than Christian.
Such is as was 'scripted by "God"' when it ejaculated the universe into
being.
Fred Acquistapace
www.AllGodsAreLies.com
--
Fundies and trolls are urged to shove
a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed.
.
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| User: "Scott Richter" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
03 Jan 2006 09:30:43 PM |
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Steve O <stoboyle@hotmail.com> wrote:
[...]
This has been around for quite a few years, but I still get a good laugh
out of it every time. The best humor expresses a deep truth about life,
even when the subject is as serious as religious violence and hypocrisy.
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| User: "Omicron Machine" |
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| Title: Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
04 Jan 2006 01:47:17 AM |
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Steve O wrote:
<snip>
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
</snip>
As a Canadian, I can attest that it's simply not practical as nothing
will ever get done....unless of course their role is to explain obscure
hockey rules to you and function as beer tasters. In that case, we'll
line up for it. :)
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