| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler" |
| Date: |
11 Jan 2008 03:53:10 PM |
| Object: |
WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, December 2007 |
<music>
"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
</music>
The time has come to announce the winners of the December 2007 Usenet
Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
*drumroll*
KOOK OF THE MONTH
The winner is...DUKE THE AMERICAN-AMERICAN!
12 votes Duke the American-American
09 votes Lady Veteran
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations, Duke! Your rookie win makes for two consecutive months in
which alt.abortion regulars have won the most prestigious core monthly
award their first time running. Will alt.abortion become the new
alt.astronomy or new soc.men? Stay tuned!
Speaking of of staying tuned, don't leave, Duke. The next award is yours,
too.
CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
The winner is...DUKE THE AMERICAN-AMERICAN!
12 votes Duke the American-American
08 votes Lady Veteran
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations a second time, Duke! Despite your nine-year history on
USENET, you still display the same level of cluelessness that you did in
September 2003, when you abandoned a perfectly good account because you
thought someone had "stolen" it, instead of realizing that you had merely
been forged.
COWARD OF THE MONTH
The winner is...BILL HUGHES!
09 votes Bill Hughes
05 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
05 votes Raymond Karczewski
01 votes None of the above
Congratulations, Bizarro! Your impotent RL threats, dodging questions, and
now your apparent use of anonymous remailers (or cooperation with outer
filth who utilize such services) have earned you this award for the third
time since August. Under the "Chuck Lysaght Rule," this means that you are
now ineligible for Coward of the Month until August 2008 so that some other
yellow-bellied USENET poster can be recognized. However, this dubious feat
will place you in the pole position for Coward of the Year voting, which is
coming right up.
LOONEY MAROON AWARD
The winner is...BILL HUGHES!
13 votes Bill Hughes
07 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations a second time, Bizarro! By consistently showing
"intelligence off the deep end of the bell curve" as well as all the other
criteria for this award, you managed to defeat a two-time winner of LMA and
win every single award AUK gives out for stupidity, except maybe the
Allisat. How good are you at biting hooks?
GOLDEN KILLFILE
The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
12 votes Daniel Joseph Min
07 votes Ed Conrad
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! Despite your morphing, your spam has
managed to land in so many bit buckets over the years that it took until
now for people to notice that you really are "unworthy enough to be ignored
by everyone on the face of the Earth."
JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
The winner is...THE BIG-8 MANAGEMENT BOARD!
12 votes The Big-8 Management Board
08 votes Azure AKA Lady Azure
00 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations, B8MBies! Your "pattern of stupidity, idiocy, moronism,
silliness, cretinism and general kookery" makes us (tinu) PH34R for the
future of USENET. Rilly. Good thing the system was designed to survive a
nuclear war, so it will certainly survive the likes of you.
BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
The winner is...DUKE THE AMERICAN-AMERICAN!
12 votes Duke the American-American
08 votes Andrew B. Chung
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations a third time, Duke! Based on the word of one of the more
unreliable sources of information (alternatively, one of the more reliable
sources of misinformation) on AUK who just happened to crosspost into
alt.abortion, you convinced yourself that Art Deco is Jewish. :-D So far,
you've demonstrated that you're kooky, clueless, and gullible. What other
tricks can you do for us (tinu)?
PALMJOB PADDLE
The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!
14 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie
05 votes Bill Hughes
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations, Lamie! Which left longer lasting marks on your derriere,
Gary Burnore's spanks or your own autoflagellation? Never mind. Either
way, you've earned this recognition for being the most spanked person on
USENET this past December.
TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
The winner is...KEN PANGBORN!
13 votes Ken Pangborn
06 votes John D. Wentzky
06 votes Michael "Howdy/Trumpet of the Lord" Schmidt
00 votes None of the above
Congratulations, Kenny Kakes! By a total greater than that combined for
your two opponents, one of whom was the most recent winner of the Rubber
Turkey and the other a previous winner of the Drama Queen Award, you have
won this honor. Let it be known that a majority of those who voted on this
award deemed you worthy for it based on what they considered to be your
"meltdowns and ridiculous ranting."
VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
The winner is...LIN LIANGTAI!
"Humans butchered dinosaurs before they were mummified" by Lin Liangtai
18 votes YES
05 votes NO
Congratulations, "Chinese Ed Conrad!" For your work in weird paleontology,
you have earned the same award as your role model. Now, start poasting
about your "Dinosaurs are mammals" conclusion based on your identification
of what you think are fossil erythrocytes lacking nuclei. That way, you
can actually beat your mentor Coalbrain for the title of "USENET's worst
paleontologist."
DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
13 votes Douglas Grant
07 votes Edmond Wollmann
06 votes Alexa Cameron
00 votes None of the above
Congratulations, Doogie! It's only fitting that you be the first winner,
based on the body of your work, of an award named in your honor.
GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
The winner is...ALEXA CAMERON!
Alexa Cameron
17 votes YES
02 votes NO
Congratulations, Queen of Screed! All your years of crusading have finally
been recognized. Now, hope the aliens rescue you from the top of Cemetary
Ridge before next month's winner charges up to k'lame "victolly!"
SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
The winner is...HOWDY!
08 votes Michael "Howdy/Trumpet of the Lord" Schmidt
03 votes Lady Brasilia Brushkin
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations, Howdy! Your months of campaigning to win the Nixon worked
out wonderfully. Now, can you shoot yourself in the foot spectacularly
enough before this coming May that you can win this award the maximum three
times in a year?
TAR & FEATHERS
The winner is...BILL HUGHES!
12 votes Bill Hughes
06 votes Ed Conrad
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations a third time, Bizarro! In case you were wondering what the
regulars of rec.autos.makers.jeep+willys think of you, you should now know
that they consider you to be a "highly incorrigible past all hope crusader
who in another time and reality would've been tarred and feathered and
ridden out of town on a rail. Preferably one with a bridge out. Over a
canyon."
BUSTED URINAL AWARD
The winner is...BILL HUGHES!
12 votes Bill Hughes
06 votes Dr. Avenger
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations a fourth time, Bizarro! All of your spamming, screeding,
illucidity, and baseless bragging have finally reached the level that it
"clogs and stinks up the joint like a busted urinal." So, Bizarro, how
does it feel to be recognized among "the Lamest of the Lame on USENET?"
GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
The winner is...DOLF "QOLON" BOEK!
Dolf "Qolon" Boek
13 votes YES
01 votes NO
Congratulations, Qolon! Your creative, if idiosyncratic, linguistic
analysis, convoluted rhetoric, and general illucidity have finally been
recognized. Next stop, the Office of Illucidus Maximus!
72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
The winner is...DUKE THE AMERICAN-AMERICAN!
11 votes Duke the American-American
09 votes Azure AKA Lady Azure
00 votes Neither of the above
Congratuations for the fourth and final time this month, Duke! You managed
a clean sweep of the awards for which you were nominated during your first
month on the ballot. That's quite an accomplishment. To reward your
performance and recognize the contributions you have made to kooky
understanding of theology, we (tinw) present to you your old catechism
teacher--Sister Mary Elephant!
<video>
"Cheech & Chong Live '78 - Sister Mary Elephant"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSJ_k49ITUY
</video>
EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, CHRISTMAS DAY 2007
The winner is...KEN PANGBORN!
16 votes Ken Pangborn
05 votes Andrew B. Chung
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations a second time, Kenny Kakes! Your thirty-three posts on
Christmas Day managed to put you far ahead of a person notorious for
melting down on holidays. So, what are you planning on doing next Easter?
HAMMER OF THOR
The winner is... CHARLOTTE BLACKMER!
12 votes Charlotte Blackmer
05 votes The Kibologists of alt.religion.kibology
01 votes Neither of the above
Congratulations, Charlotte! You have finally been recognized for a
lifetime of work in kookology.
All hail Charlotte, for she hace much grateness!!!1!!
GENE SPAFFORD "USENET SAMARITAN" AWARD
The result is...resolution fails.
Mike Godwin
12 votes YES
03 votes NO
While the yes votes far exceeded the no votes, there were not even 20 total
votes for or against the candidacy of Mike Godwin. Darn. Next time.
JIM NITCHALS MEMORIAL "INTERNET SAMARITAN" AWARD
The result is...resolution fails.
Mitch Kapor, John Gilmore and John Perry Barlow,
The founders of the Electronic Frontier Foundation
18 votes YES
02 votes NO
At least there were 20 total votes cast in this election. However, the
requirement is for 20 yes votes. So close--only two votes short!
OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
The winner is...EDMOND HEINZ WOLLMANN!
09 votes Edmond Heinz Wollmann
08 votes Ken Pangborn
06 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie
Congratulations, Pantyhead! It looks like your hold on this office is
beginning to slip, as you won only a plurality and beat your nearest
competitor by only one vote. Can you hang on?
OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
The winner is...BILL HUGHES!
12 votes Bill Hughes
08 votes Michael "Howdy/Trumpet of the Lord" Schmidt
Congratulations a fifth and final time this month, Bizarro! You managed to
hang on to this office by a healthy margin over a worthy challenger, which
should come as no surprise. After all, you've now won every single award
for idiocy. Care to be considered the Richard Bullis of the 21st Century?
KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
The winner is...ALEXA CAMERON!
15 votes Alexa Cameron
05 votes Ed Conrad
Congratulations again, Alexa! Welcome back to this office, which you hold
for at least the third time. I do believe that's a record.
OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
The winner is...COLONEL JAKE!
12 votes Colonel Jake
08 votes Bill Hughes
Congratulations, Joey! You managed to defeat this month's big w(h)inner to
be the inaugural holder of this revived office. Enjoy this late Christmas
present while you can. The competition for it will be /very/ stiff!
This concludes the announcement of the winners of the December 2007
Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three ballots.
One of these was a submission from someone who /still/ hasn't received the
memo that he has been disenfranchised and whose disenfranchisment will be
extended for one month for every ballot he casts while disenfranchised.
Another was from someone who altered the ballot and then voted for himself.
A Tinfoil Sombrero has been suggested and is under advisement. Finally,
two people submitted ballots from aioe. Ballots from aioe are shot on
sight. Fluffy appreciated the new filler in his litter box. Consequently,
twenty-nine ballots were deemed valid and counted.
See you all very shortly, when the Kook of the Year ballot is posted.
And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner--
Bill Hughes, who won four awards, defended his office, and became
ineligible for Coward of the Month until this coming August. Good work,
Bizarro!
<music>
"Superman: Filmation 1966 Cartoon Intro"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk7qucTiJwk
</music>
--
The Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler of AUK
http://www.caballista.org/auk/index.html
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| User: "Archie Leach" |
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| Title: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, December 2007 |
11 Jan 2008 04:26:26 PM |
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Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
Another was from someone who altered the ballot and then voted for himself.
A Tinfoil Sombrero has been suggested and is under advisement.
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I -haert- tinfoil sombreroes!!!!!!!!!!1!!!
.
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| User: "miguel" |
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| Title: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, December 2007 |
11 Jan 2008 04:40:35 PM |
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On Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:53:10 +0000 (UTC), Friendly Neighborhood Vote
Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
snip
GENE SPAFFORD "USENET SAMARITAN" AWARD
The result is...resolution fails.
Mike Godwin
12 votes YES
03 votes NO
While the yes votes far exceeded the no votes, there were not even 20 total
votes for or against the candidacy of Mike Godwin. Darn. Next time.
Vince, AUK under your leadership is suffering the plight of the Dodo
Bird. Only 15 votes? Pathetic. Is it because, unlike Skirvin, you just
don't have the right stuff? Hell, even Peter Pansy Ross managed to
keep this group heart rate semi healthy.
Maybe it's time for you to step aside?
miguel
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| User: "Atlas Bugged" |
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| Title: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, December 2007 |
11 Jan 2008 05:08:39 PM |
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"miguel" <mjc101@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:lqrfo3dao05vl01eisvft883jj3vs51h44@4ax.com...
Vince, AUK under your leadership is suffering the plight of the Dodo
Bird. Only 15 votes? Pathetic. Is it because, unlike Skirvin, you just
don't have the right stuff? Hell, even Peter Pansy Ross managed to
keep this group heart rate semi healthy.
Allowing it to degenerate into a hate-group refuge for stalkers, con-men,
and out-and-out criminals might actually turn some people off. Or not.
Maybe it's time for you to step aside?
And leave Usenet altogether. He could spread hate in-person at truck-stop
mens-rooms.
Oh, cool! Are we voting? SECONDED!
--
Are you an AUK dirtbag? There's a lot more wrong here than illiteracy,
booze, and *****-fucking!
Your Neighborhood Atlas Bugged is here to help!! Here's News You Can Use:
AUK MANUAL:
A Look in the mirror for most AUKers & a peek behind the robes for the rest
of us:
http://cyberstalkat.notlong.com
http://bullyshitat.notlong.com
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED:
"Meat" others who share your interests and find the "real" Kent Wills:
http://www.nambla.org/
Sex predators at DATELINE - Featuring ART DECO - "Reality TV" where you
could be the star!!:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17601568/
PEDOPHILIA - discussion groups 4 U:
http://www.medem.com/MedLB/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZUZRUZGLC&sub_cat=355
INCEST - hey, you wouldn't be here without it:
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32360
HOMOSEXUALITY: It's NOT a disease...except in YOUR case!
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/720747/posts
WEIGHT LOSS, 10 percent off this week if you are a FAT *****, go Meat Plow!:
http://www.jennycraig.com/
SURGICAL WEIGHT-LOSS, free BRAIN with purchase, go Meat Plow!
http://www.bariatricedge.com/dtcf/pages/home_visited.htm
BALDNESS, Pinku-Senseless, irrational doesn't mean you have to look like
*****!
http://www.hairclub.com/
http://www.bosleyinfo.com/?source=gg-bosley-gen
PINKU says, "I'm not JUST a member of Hate Club For Men..."
http://hateclub4men.notlong.com
ALCOHOLISM - you only need your first name, Bob!:
http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm
R U SCHIZO? "Roger?" "Kent?"
http://www.geodon.com/s_Home.asp
RU SOCIOPATHIC? ROOGERRRRRRR!!!!!
http://faculty.ncwc.edu/TOCONNOR/428/428lect16.htm
HATE? Do it RIGHT, let's hear it for AUK's darkside!:
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2000/05/36478
http://www.splcenter.org/intel/hatewatch/?source=redirect&url=hatewatch
AIDS - Trying to HELP "Roger" here, not pick on him!:
http://www.avert.org/
PICA - It's LATEX PAINT, Meat Plow, you IDIOT, not lunch!!:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001538.htm#Symptoms
[AUK member? Have someone read this to you.]
ILLITERACY:
http://www.heritage.org/Research/Religion/bg690.cfm
PING: Mariposas whatever-the-"arf-meow"-*****.
In AUK, "ILLITERACY" means making ***** arguments:
http://auk-illogic.notlong.com
OCD, OCD, OCD, OCD, OCD, OCD......:
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=266
Did I mention OCD? I did?
WEIRD NEWS:
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/
That's it, guys! I have not located any sites to treat cowardice or being
dirtbags, so I realize I may have failed you <sniff>.
Still, Ask Your Doctor About Cialis. [Ping "Bookman."]
[...Butt, if you have an erection lasting more than four hours, see your
local Boy Scout troup post haste! Or just Post Hate! Whatever!]
.
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