"Cypher Crypto" <cypherpuke7@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:7bf0a310.0405021053.4663b341@posting.google.com...
You Might be a Liberal Leftist If . . .
You Might be a Leftist If . . .
By Marc Levin
FrontPageMagazine.com | October 8, 2003
-You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than
Osama bin Laden
It's a tight race. But, Ashcroft gets the edge because he wants to ***** on
the Constitution. All Bin Laden can do is try to kill people.
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did
not.
Not all lies are equal. Lying about a ***** pales in comparison to lying
about going to war and killing American youth for it.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold
Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie
Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and
Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign
policy.
Well, I'd say pretty much anyone of them could have GW for breakfast in a
debate. It just shames me that the average man and woman on the street are
smarter than out current president-in-residence. That's supposed to be a
prestigious office, not Romper Room.
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities
can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
I believe George Bush had the most powerful affirmative action there is to
get into Harvard: $$$.
-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot
Missile.
Patriot Act.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were
fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
I believe that Jong was the worst of them, but oil tipped the scales as to
which one to bomb.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons,
but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public
schools.
Hah...yes, "No Child Left Behind" has been a huge success, eh? And
compassionate Bush sure came through on the funding...
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political
orientation.
What movements are out there to ban political orientation in colleges?
Please give examples. Frankly, I don't believe you...er, I don't believe
the person you are cut and pasting, because you're too ignorant to post your
own opinion.
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
I support both in the privacy of one's own home.
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners
(who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared
Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should
have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
Do you know where those mass graves came from? Of course not, you're just
cut and pasting. You probably didn't read past the title of the parody.
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the
Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a
right to keep and bear arms.
The Constitution doesn't address abortion. It was written when abortion
wasn't an issue. Another strawman.
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous
gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual
harassment in the White House.
There are campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines? News to me. Guess I
missed my "Liberals Monthly" issue.
-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign
policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human
rights.
Jimmy Carter has done one hundred times more for human rights since GW was
elected than GW.
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a
plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal
government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly
enough.
Yes, I just got home from my "Lawyers Take Just About the Right Amount"
march.
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827
people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004,
but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was
completely unprepared in 2000.
Seems we were proven right about that. Or do 250k jobs lost, 500+ dead
American youths, and the collective hatred of the world mean nothing to you?
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first
black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently
labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
Yes, Al Sharpton is the official democratic spokesman. Good eye. Oh, and
Clinton was white. That was a joke.
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don
Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
Close call. They both lie like rugs.
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't
feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
I feel more personally threatened by the Christian Coalition. They want to
rip up my Constitution and replace it with the Ten Commandments. The
Wahabbi sect just want to kill me, and they don't go door to door on
weekends.
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but
loving the criminal.
I thought it was Repubs who hate the sin but love the sinner? That's yours.
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believed
it was undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake
of electing Gray Davis.
If we could reverse our earlier mistake of allowing the Supreme Court to
appoint GW would you consider that democratic?
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater
threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's
Mugabe.
There's another corrupt dictator. If he had oil or some other cash reserve
we could exploit, I'm sure GW would do the noble thing and take care of him.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a
human rights violation.
Fundamental human right? No, just hard to see getting rid of it when
billionaires are getting increases in tax breaks.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one
with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and
harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
Technically, all of that is religion. That's a nonsense statement.
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning
the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam
Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting
intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh
Arabs by draining their wetlands.
So, you think that GW should be held to lower standards than Saddam? Or are
you bitching that GW can't get away with the same things Saddam used to?
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great
day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has
to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to
volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
That won't fit on a bumper sticker, genius. Starting to reach now...
If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have
won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The
U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest
Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards
issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as
identification.
Send me the cash, please. I'll set up the travel arrangements.
turk
.
