| Topic: |
Religions > Bible |
| User: |
"• Ninure Saunders" |
| Date: |
10 Aug 2005 05:03:50 PM |
| Object: |
;-) In the begining |
;-) In the begining
I n the beginning, G-d created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach. Also green, yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy.
Then using G-d's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" And Woman said, "As long as you're at it,
add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And
G-d created the healthy yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6
to size 14.
So G-d said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
G-d then said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed it's own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
G-d then created a light, fluffy cake, named it "Angel Food Cake" and
said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it
"Devil's Food."
G-d then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then G-d brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the beautiful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
G-d then gave lean beef so Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent
double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man
replied, "Yes! And super-size them!" And Satan said, "It is good!" And
Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Thought for the day.......
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to 5 old friends right away, there will be 5
fewer people laughing in the world.
Pax Christi,
• Ninure Saunders aka Rainbow Christian
Jesus is my Shepherd and He knows I'm Gay
http://Ninure-Saunders.tk
My Yahoo Group
http://Ninure.tk
Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches
http://www.MCCchurch.org
The Bible Site - help provide free scripture
http://www.thebiblesite.org
To send e-mail, remove nohate from address
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