| Topic: |
Religions > Bible |
| User: |
"fritz" |
| Date: |
24 Jul 2006 12:32:06 PM |
| Object: |
Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response |
Special to the Coastal Beacon
A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive)
propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system.
Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side
down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet.
While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the
construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct
would immediately find the secret of BFAD.
This is clearly nonsense.
Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe
would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and
drinks are readily available.)
To test BFAD, one must procure:
* Bread
* Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work)
* A cat
* A strapping device.
Let us assume that all of these are readily available.
Attach the strapping device to the cat.
See?
No cat.
What has happened? We have run up against an a priori universal law. By a
priori, we mean that it takes priority over either the Buttered Bread
Principle or the Law of Feline Landings.
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be
tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two schools of thought about this
phenomenon.
The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of
different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is
constituted primarily of superquarks, (called meows by current theorists.)
These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted as
they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because these
quarks exhibit characteristic of "charmed" or "lucky" particles.) Again,
according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of
non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other to
cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently
explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping
device, that disappears.
The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining
ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact,
super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four dimensional
universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures
stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention.
Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a
different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour.
According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant
balance cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that
antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a
cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to
cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue
that if there were anything really interesting in those other dimensions,
cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching?
.
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| User: "Dante Alighieri" |
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| Title: Re: Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response |
25 Jul 2006 04:22:33 AM |
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Approx. Mon, 24 Jul 2006 17:32:06 GMT, someone calling themselves "fritz" <fritz313@yahoo.com> let their cat run across the keyboard resulting in:
:-)= Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side
:-)= down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet.
But buttered bread does always fall butter side down.
:-)=
:-)= This is clearly nonsense.
Less nonsenese that the theory forced on us as fact by the powers that be.
Any one of a thousand theories fit into the blank.
Best I've read in quite a while.
Dante
--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com
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| User: "Dixons, The" |
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| Title: Re: claws In the Frying Cat Theory |
01 Aug 2006 07:50:16 AM |
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Footage of a similar experiment involving packing tape to be seen here:
Note how the cat is impelled at a vector in direct opposition to the strap,
or in this case, tape.
http://www.glumbert.com/media/cattape.html
"fritz" <fritz313@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:qu7xg.4064$bP5.3466@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be
----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==----
http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups
----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =----
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| User: "Holly" |
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| Title: Re: Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response |
25 Jul 2006 11:54:10 AM |
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fritz wrote:
Special to the Coastal Beacon
A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive)
propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system.
Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side
down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet.
While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the
construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct
would immediately find the secret of BFAD.
This is clearly nonsense.
Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe
would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and
drinks are readily available.)
To test BFAD, one must procure:
* Bread
* Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work)
* A cat
* A strapping device.
Let us assume that all of these are readily available.
Attach the strapping device to the cat.
See?
No cat.
What has happened? We have run up against an a priori universal law. By a
priori, we mean that it takes priority over either the Buttered Bread
Principle or the Law of Feline Landings.
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be
tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two schools of thought about this
phenomenon.
The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of
different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is
constituted primarily of superquarks, (called meows by current theorists.)
These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted as
they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because these
quarks exhibit characteristic of "charmed" or "lucky" particles.) Again,
according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of
non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other to
cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently
explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping
device, that disappears.
The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining
ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact,
super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four dimensional
universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures
stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention.
Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a
different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour.
According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant
balance cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that
antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a
cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to
cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue
that if there were anything really interesting in those other dimensions,
cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching?
Brilliant! And thank you. This explains a lot. Last time I asked for a
good scratching I lost four days. There's no doubt that the cat is the
creator of the finite universe because the physical laws that rule us
do not apply to the cat. And try as hard as we might we will never be as
cute
as a cat who *****-foots around. And, albeit the strapping device may be
the cat's Tardis, its tail is the rudder, which, metaphorically speaking,
makes the cat our coxswain. I think that is why throughout history we have
found it much easier to take the bull by the tail.
.
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| User: "Azure" |
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| Title: Re: Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response |
24 Jul 2006 11:41:02 PM |
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fritz wrote:
Special to the Coastal Beacon
A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive)
propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system.
Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side
down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet.
While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the
construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct
would immediately find the secret of BFAD.
This is clearly nonsense.
Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe
would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and
drinks are readily available.)
To test BFAD, one must procure:
* Bread
* Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work)
* A cat
* A strapping device.
Let us assume that all of these are readily available.
Attach the strapping device to the cat.
See?
No cat.
What has happened? We have run up against an a priori universal law. By a
priori, we mean that it takes priority over either the Buttered Bread
Principle or the Law of Feline Landings.
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be
tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two schools of thought about this
phenomenon.
The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of
different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is
constituted primarily of superquarks, (called meows by current theorists.)
These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted as
they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because these
quarks exhibit characteristic of "charmed" or "lucky" particles.) Again,
according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of
non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other to
cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently
explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping
device, that disappears.
The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining
ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact,
super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four dimensional
universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures
stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention.
Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a
different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour.
According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant
balance cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that
antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a
cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to
cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue
that if there were anything really interesting in those other dimensions,
cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching?
Meanwhile, Arthur Dent, sits pondering why White Mice want his brain!
.
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| User: "dave hillstrom" |
|
| Title: Re: Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response |
25 Jul 2006 12:19:49 AM |
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On Mon, 24 Jul 2006 20:41:02 -0800, Azure <tain@pharae.org> wrote:
fritz wrote:
Special to the Coastal Beacon
A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive)
propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system.
Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side
down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet.
While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the
construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct
would immediately find the secret of BFAD.
This is clearly nonsense.
Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe
would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and
drinks are readily available.)
To test BFAD, one must procure:
* Bread
* Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work)
* A cat
* A strapping device.
Let us assume that all of these are readily available.
Attach the strapping device to the cat.
See?
No cat.
What has happened? We have run up against an a priori universal law. By a
priori, we mean that it takes priority over either the Buttered Bread
Principle or the Law of Feline Landings.
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be
tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two schools of thought about this
phenomenon.
The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of
different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is
constituted primarily of superquarks, (called meows by current theorists.)
These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted as
they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because these
quarks exhibit characteristic of "charmed" or "lucky" particles.) Again,
according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of
non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other to
cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently
explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping
device, that disappears.
The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining
ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact,
super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four dimensional
universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures
stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention.
Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a
different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour.
According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant
balance cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that
antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a
cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to
cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue
that if there were anything really interesting in those other dimensions,
cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching?
Meanwhile, Arthur Dent, sits pondering why White Mice want his brain!
<claps for all>
--
dave hillstrom mhm15x4
"The point of alt.config is to light proponents on fire
so they are prepared to do battle in the wilderness,
fighting the forces of Ignorance and Apathy, the enemies
of new groups." -Adam H. Kerman 7/24/06 12:50pm
.
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| User: "Azure" |
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| Title: Re: Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response |
25 Jul 2006 09:48:16 PM |
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dave hillstrom wrote:
On Mon, 24 Jul 2006 20:41:02 -0800, Azure <tain@pharae.org> wrote:
fritz wrote:
Special to the Coastal Beacon
A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive)
propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system.
Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side
down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet.
While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the
construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct
would immediately find the secret of BFAD.
This is clearly nonsense.
Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe
would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and
drinks are readily available.)
To test BFAD, one must procure:
* Bread
* Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work)
* A cat
* A strapping device.
Let us assume that all of these are readily available.
Attach the strapping device to the cat.
See?
No cat.
What has happened? We have run up against an a priori universal law. By a
priori, we mean that it takes priority over either the Buttered Bread
Principle or the Law of Feline Landings.
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be
tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two schools of thought about this
phenomenon.
The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of
different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is
constituted primarily of superquarks, (called meows by current theorists.)
These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted as
they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because these
quarks exhibit characteristic of "charmed" or "lucky" particles.) Again,
according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of
non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other to
cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently
explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping
device, that disappears.
The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining
ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact,
super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four dimensional
universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures
stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention.
Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a
different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour.
According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant
balance cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that
antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a
cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to
cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue
that if there were anything really interesting in those other dimensions,
cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching?
Meanwhile, Arthur Dent, sits pondering why White Mice want his brain!
<claps for all>
--
dave hillstrom mhm15x4
"The point of alt.config is to light proponents on fire
so they are prepared to do battle in the wilderness,
fighting the forces of Ignorance and Apathy, the enemies
of new groups." -Adam H. Kerman 7/24/06 12:50pm
Thing is if I read it, I "Hear" the Iambic Pentameter used by Adams.
.
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