Now that poor Terri Schiavo has finally passed on, I probably should let the
deranged media frenzy that surrounded her slow, lingering death pass on as
well, without further comment. But first I would like to take this opportunity
to personally thank Dr. Ronald Cranford of the University of Minnesota Medical
School, who now ranks as one of my heroes -- right up there with Mahatma Ghandi
and Sponge Bob Square Pants. Why? Because of this:
LISA DANIELS: Doctor, was a CAT scan -- Doctor, your critics would ask you, was
a CAT scan used? Was an MRI taken? Were any of these tests taken?
CRANFORD: You don't know the answer to that? The CAT scan was done in 1996,
2002. We spent a lot of time in court showing the irreversible -- you don't
have copies of those CAT scans? How can you say that?
The CAT scans are out there, distributed to other people. You have got to look
at the facts. The CAT scan is out there. It shows severe atrophy of the brain.
The autopsy is going to show severe atrophy of the brain. And you're asking me
if a CAT scan was done? How could you possibly be so stupid?
MSNBC
Scarborough Country
March 28, 2005
Now in fairness to Ms. Daniels, I have to say I don't think Dr. Cranford was
being entirely candid with her. A doctor committed to telling the whole truth
-- even to a mentally incapacitated patient -- would have said:
"How you could possibly be so stupid, you fucking brain-dead media *****?"
I think it's important to be completely accurate in these matters. But, since
the Doctor's question was obviously rhetorical, I'm willing to let it slide.
Just the fact that he was willing to stand up to the cable news bullies --
vegetables with an attitude -- instead of standing there with that classic
liberal-deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, was deeply inspiring to me.
In fact, I think Dr. Cranford actually deserves to be nominated for the "Nobel
Peace Prize in Medicine" -- or at least the Nobel Prize for Putting Complete
Twits in Their Place, especially after the way he made make lunch meat (pressed
ham) out of Joe Scarborough's pathetic attempt to cross examine:
SCARBOROUGH: Let's talk about it. A radiologist told the court that the 2002
scan actually showed improvement over the 1996 scan. Is that inaccurate? Did
the AP report that wrong?
CRANFORD: Absolutely. Maxfield said it was improved. And Judge Greer didn't buy
it because the others said it wasn't improved. It was probably worse than it
was before.
SCARBOROUGH: Is he a charlatan also?
CRANFORD: Yes. Maxfield is an HBO [hyperbaric oxygen] vasodilator -- look it up,
Joe. See what vasodilator does. See what hyperbaric oxygen, see in these cases,
and you tell me they are not charlatans.
Again, I'm willing to admit Dr. Cranford may have been a bit arrogant there. It
was unreasonable for him to expect Joe Scarborough -- a man with the mental
capacity of a Vidalia onion (a small Vidalia onion) -- to be able to
comprehend, much less look up, a string of words like "hyperbaric oxygen
vasodilator." I'd be surprised if Joe could even define the word "oxygen," much
less "vasodilator," which I think is some sort of pre-lubricated anal sex toy.
Seriously, though: We're talking about a guy for whom becoming a hack Republican
Congressman was an intellectual step up in the world. A man so dumb the words
on his law school diploma are written in Pig Latin. A man so stupid he feels
intimidated by all the smart girls -- like Terri Schiavo.
A man, in other words, who is completely overqualified for the job of cable news
talk show host. And I think Dr. Cranford should have taken that into account.
Otherwise, though, I'm mighty proud of Dr. Cranford, and I think the medical
profession should be proud of him too. One of the most outrageous aspects of
the whole sorry Schiavo circus was the willingness, nay, eagerness of complete
idiots -- and even their inferiors, the cable news people -- to second guess
the doctors. People you wouldn't trust to fix your downstairs toilet suddenly
thought they know more about neurology than men and women who had spent, oh,
ten or twelve years of their lives learning to be doctors, and another two or
three decades as practicing board-certified neurologists, and who had
repeatedly, over the course of ten years, two trials and more appeals than you
can shake a catheter at, examined, tested and diagnosed Terri Shiavo -- making
her probably the world's most over-treated patient. A poster child for
excessive medical procedures.
I mean, I don't think the pope has gotten as much medical attention as Terri
did. I doubt Leonid Breshnev had that many doctors. The CAT scans, MRIs and
hyperbaric vaso...vaso...whatever tests alone probably added a couple of
percentage points to GDP -- at a time when millions of unfamous Americans have
no health coverage at all. But that's another outrage. Right now we're talking
about how the Terri Schiavo case produced a national epidemic of TV faith
healers (as if we didn't have enough of them already.)
Even the doctors second-guessed the doctors -- from 800 miles away. When the
Senator from HCA, Bill Frist, got up in front of the cameras and offered his
own personal diagnosis of a patient he'd never met, based on nothing more than
a couple of video clips (wave to the camera, Terri!) you really had to wonder
what comes next. Will Frist decide to perform open heart surgery on *****
Cheney, based on the vice president's appearance the next time they let him out
in public?
"You look a little pale today, *****. Why don't you get up on the table and let
me rip out your left ventricle." (Actually, I'd be in favor of that.)
When the Frist for President Committee starts airing his ads, the FEC (or the
FTC, or somebody) should make the ***** put in a disclaimer, something along
the lines of: "I'm not a quack, but I played one on television . . ."
Frist, though, isn't an idiot -- just a politician who's had his ethical
standards surgically removed in order to enhance his career. (Think of it as
the inside-the-Beltway version of a Hollywood face lift.) But the mind-numbing
stupidity displayed on the cable channels throughout the whole Schiavo saga
truly was a sight to behold.
Nobody expects broadcast journalists to be medical experts. That would be like
expecting the workers at your local sewage treatment plant to host a gourmet
cooking show (actually, the odds on that one are probably higher.) But Christ,
doesn't basic common sense suggest that an RN who tended Terri Schiavo six
years ago might not be as believable as three board-certified neurologists who
gave her a full medical examination in 2002?
Apparently not, even though the nurse's testimony was found not credible in a
court of law and the neurologists' testimony was. Both were equal in the eyes
of cable news -- just two more opposing witnesses to be examined on Scarborough
Country, with Onion Joe as both judge and prosecutor, and the millions of
semiconscious couch potatoes out there in living-room land as the jury.
We're fortunate, I guess, that the only life at stake in this particular
kangaroo court was that of poor Terri Schiavo. For better or worse, good or
evil, her time on this earth is over. But when I think of the thousands, or
even millions, of lives that could ride on the next big trial-by-media -- when
the topic might be war with North Korea or the reality of global warming or the
copyright laws governing the music industry (I'm kidding! I'm kidding!) -- I do
get worried. Because right now, the corporate media (and the dumbed-down
culture they've helped create) are looking more and more like the intellectual
equivalent of Dr. Kevorkian. And any of us -- or all of us - could be their
next patient.
Leaving me with the heartfelt question: Where is Dr. Sponge Bob when we really
need him?
http://billmon.org/archives/001792.html
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