"arminius" <richard norton@cybertrails.com> wrote in message
news:c-qdnbObBpaI0R7fRVn-qA@sedona.net...
Uncle Remus say: "I wish dem praying mo'fo's do sumpin bout these spics
invading Black neighborhoods. Dem greasy bastards leaving diapers in de
streeets, bring ugly hairy legged knocked up bitches packed 10 to a car.
***** 'em all, and ***** dat President Bush. ***** dat prayer meeting, too".
Uncle
"Cobra" <fear@snakebite.com> wrote in message
news:pPzge.56705$AE6.25003@tornado.texas.rr.com...
Bush begins each day at the crack of nine o'clock kneeling on the floor
of
the Oval Office in his Batman flannel feety-pajamas, holding hands with
a
group of Christian men. They kneel there for an hour (two hours on the
Lord's Day or if there are enough doughnuts) just talking to our
nation's
Commander-of-the-Commander-in-Chief, the Lord Jesus.
This is the Presidential Prayer team. Rev. Pat Robertson, Dr. Jerry
Falwell,
Rev. Bob Jones Jr., Pastor Deacon Fred, Brother Harry Hardwick, George
W.
Bush, and the Lord Jesus Christ (who invisibly attends, legs crossed and
dangling over the side of the Resolute desk), They comprise the elite
force
of spiritual warriors that most Americans consider more important and
able
to inflict more damage than the entire United States Military.
Bush, a born-again, spirit-filled, saved-by-the-dripping-blood of Christ
Christian, understands the importance of praying while other folks are
watching. "It just makes sense to me," he says, "to start each day by
taking
matters of national security to an invisible man named Jesus who lives
on
a
cloud in a place so darn rich their Department of Transportation has
done
all their roads in gold. And no matter what Jesus inspires me to say,
Jesus
always ends up agreeing with it - which, I guess, kind of makes sense
now
that I think about it." Bush is concerned that there are millions of
people
in the world who picked the wrong God.
Presidential prayer team member, Pastor Deacon Fred explains, "The Ten
Commandments are proudly displayed in just about every room of this
Christian White House. Most folks don't even take the time to read them.
If
they did, they'd see that the first commandment says that you are not
supposed to have any other gods besides the God in the Bible. And I'm
sorry,
folks . . . but Allah is not the same God!" Pastor Deacon Fred also
expresses concern about people who visit the White House with flippant
disregard for the second commandment, "Thou shalt not make unto thyself
any
graven image." It is a well known fact that previous residents of the
White
House would accept graven images of Buddha from that Llama in Tibet
called
Dolly, and little idols of saints from Catholic priests and other
sodomites.
"That's all stopped now," said Pastor Deacon Fred as he used his heavy
Bible
to flick a piece of 17th century Meiping porcelain depicting someone
other
than Jesus off its stand to loudly smash onto the marble floor. "We've
instructed Bush to say simply, 'No thank you, Mr. Foreign Devil' and if
an
idol is forced on Bush by a visiting dignitary, that individual is taken
aside and given a crash course on respecting God's little rulebook of
Ten
Commandments. If the heathen idol-worshipper is from a Red Chinese
prison,
they will recognize some of the techniques of Christian persuasion we
use
in
the bunker. And the Holy Spirit don't got no patience when it comes to
so-called 'diplomatic immunity' when there is soul winning at stake, my
friend!"
In recent days, the Presidential prayer team spends mornings engaged in
imprecatory prayer. "For the Bible illiterate," notes Dr. Jerry Falwell,
"that means 'prayers against folks that rub you the wrong way.' It's
true
that Jesus instructs us to love our enemies, but that doesn't mean we
have
to like them. In complete obedience to the Lord Jesus, I can tell you, I
love to see my enemies dead. As a Christian, Bush knows that Jesus will
eventually slaughter them all and burn them in Hell, we're just trying
to
speed up the process."
The prayer team had a big old belly laugh last week when Jesus answered
a
prayer in an unexpected way. "We was a prayin' that Jesus would help us
find
a missing dignitary," recalled Bush, "when the phone rang. For just a
second, I thought it might be Jesus, but then I remembered that He was
sittin' right there on my desk and I was using the phone nearest to Him,
so
it couldn't be Him." Bush was surprised that it was a call from his new
attorney general to tell him that MinuteMen had made a startling
discovery.
Mexicans were coming over the border in clouds accompanied by angels.
"Halleluiah!" "Praise Jehovah. The lord is a mercy lord."
"Halleluiah!"
.
