I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine. I can feel
deep in my body that I am sick. I am going to have to lay down today.
I will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup. I wish I had
a sister or brother, a mother, some family member to tell. To talk
with. But I was an only child and there are no blood relatives
anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in order for some
reason. And I am very chaotic by nature. Hard to be this way - hungry
desperate for order in one part of myself and chaotic and messy by
nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
Rosena
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:01:11 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144702139.900777.164580@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine. I can feel
deep in my body that I am sick. I am going to have to lay down today.
I will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup. I wish I had
a sister or brother, a mother, some family member to tell. To talk
with. But I was an only child and there are no blood relatives
anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in order for some
reason. And I am very chaotic by nature. Hard to be this way - hungry
desperate for order in one part of myself and chaotic and messy by
nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
Rosena
too many @@@@@@@@@@'s
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| User: "cal" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:14:44 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144702139.900777.164580@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine. I can feel
deep in my body that I am sick. I am going to have to lay down today.
I will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup. I wish I had
a sister or brother, a mother, some family member to tell. To talk
with. But I was an only child and there are no blood relatives
anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in order for some
reason. And I am very chaotic by nature. Hard to be this way - hungry
desperate for order in one part of myself and chaotic and messy by
nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
it sounds scary. take care.
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:35:51 PM |
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Hi Cal,
Thanks - made doctor appointment so feel a bit better. Will have
medicine. I liked what you wrote about your daughter's room when she
was a child. Maria likes making things too.
Are you having a good time back at work?? I can't wait for summer!
Best
Rosena
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| User: "cal" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 05:08:07 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144704951.106715.105410@i40g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
Hi Cal,
Thanks - made doctor appointment so feel a bit better. Will have
medicine. I liked what you wrote about your daughter's room when she
was a child. Maria likes making things too.
Are you having a good time back at work?? I can't wait for summer!
yeah, work goes well. just a lot busier than usual because of the time we
missed. the back seat of my car is still loaded with strike placards because
i haven't had time to drive them back to the union office. but the students
have been very good-natured, and we're going all out for them. i mean, i
just work in a small corner of the big picture, but i imagine it's like this
all over the system. working our butts off but morale is good. nobody's even
talking about the strike outcome, which wasn't great. i guess that's for
later, or never, we'll see.
listen, if you start feeling trouble with your heart again before you get to
the doctor, please don't be shy about going to emergency. i'd go first sign
of anything being wrong there. in fact i did once, turned out to be just a
pulled chest muscle but nobody at the hospital held it against me at all.
they said i did the right thing.
later,
cal
Best
Rosena
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:05:33 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144702139.900777.164580@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine.
i hope nothing is terribly wrong that can't be fixed. :(
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
why guilt? is that a catholic thing? heh. :)
i read what purple veggie wrote about guilt and believers and i just wanted
the rest of the gang to know that not ALL believers feel guilt about easter.
i only feel gratitude. no guilt. easter is a beautiful reminder of the
fact that "j.c." loved me enough to die for me and that there is something
SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS EXISTANCE to look forward to because of His
incredible gift. that's what easter means to me. and to alot of other
"believers."
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
(((((((rosena)))))))))
~u2b
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:34:15 PM |
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Hi Cindy,
I see doctor friday so that is good and will get heart medicine. I
think guilt is more typical of Catholics for we focus so much on His
suffering - the boundlessness of it -- and hence feel small and sad we
caused this. Also, Palm Sunday makes you remember that "we" call
crucified him as opposed to some faiths that tend to speaks of "those
Jews" in historical time. You are of course right that an important
focus is joy at such love. But it makes me feel horrid that such
sacrifice was made for my sins. Anyway . . .I sincerely am happy it is
a joyous time of year for you. Bless you.
Best
Rosena
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:45:38 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144704855.642805.298450@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Hi Cindy,
I see doctor friday so that is good and will get heart medicine.
*phew*
I
think guilt is more typical of Catholics for we focus so much on His
suffering - the boundlessness of it -- and hence feel small and sad we
caused this.
i agree... it is sad that we humans caused such terrible suffering. death
by crucifixion is quite a horrific way to die.
Also, Palm Sunday makes you remember that "we" call
crucified him as opposed to some faiths that tend to speaks of "those
Jews" in historical time.
exactly. i'm just grateful i wasn't living back then because i might have
been one of the ones screaming at pilate to "crucify him, crucify him!" :(
You are of course right that an important
focus is joy at such love. But it makes me feel horrid that such
sacrifice was made for my sins.
i think, though, that what God most wants you to feel is grateful...not
horrid.
Anyway . . .I sincerely am happy it is
a joyous time of year for you. Bless you.
bless you as well, my dear.
~u2b
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| User: "purpleveggie" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:15:30 PM |
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used2be wrote:
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144702139.900777.164580@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine.
i hope nothing is terribly wrong that can't be fixed. :(
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
why guilt? is that a catholic thing? heh. :)
i read what purple veggie wrote about guilt and believers and i just wanted
the rest of the gang to know that not ALL believers feel guilt about easter.
i only feel gratitude. no guilt. easter is a beautiful reminder of the
fact that "j.c." loved me enough to die for me and that there is something
SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS EXISTANCE to look forward to because of His
incredible gift. that's what easter means to me. and to alot of other
"believers."
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
(((((((rosena)))))))))
~u2b
hey there,
hope you are feeling better(some of your posts today have worried me)
the purple cloth covering jc on the cross and his mom is a catholic
tradition.
with purple being the colour of mourning you are ment to sit and gaze
in wonder at the suffering made for us.
on easter monday the cloth is removed to signify new life and a new
start.
im scared most of the time but would be even more scared if i was not,
as part of me would be missing.......now i know this must sound stark
raving mad, and may not even make sense to you, but its how i fell + i
AM mad.
we ALL are come to think of it.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:20:39 PM |
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"purpleveggie" <purpleveggie@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1144703730.088592.286270@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
used2be wrote:
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1144702139.900777.164580@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine
and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine.
i hope nothing is terribly wrong that can't be fixed. :(
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
why guilt? is that a catholic thing? heh. :)
i read what purple veggie wrote about guilt and believers and i just
wanted
the rest of the gang to know that not ALL believers feel guilt about
easter.
i only feel gratitude. no guilt. easter is a beautiful reminder of the
fact that "j.c." loved me enough to die for me and that there is
something
SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS EXISTANCE to look forward to because of His
incredible gift. that's what easter means to me. and to alot of other
"believers."
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
(((((((rosena)))))))))
~u2b
hey there,
hope you are feeling better(some of your posts today have worried me)
the purple cloth covering jc on the cross and his mom is a catholic
tradition.
with purple being the colour of mourning you are ment to sit and gaze
in wonder at the suffering made for us.
on easter monday the cloth is removed to signify new life and a new
start.
im scared most of the time but would be even more scared if i was not,
as part of me would be missing.......now i know this must sound stark
raving mad, and may not even make sense to you, but its how i fell + i
AM mad.
we ALL are come to think of it.
i'm not and i'm not afraid at all
.
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:34:35 PM |
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"purpleveggie" <purpleveggie@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1144703730.088592.286270@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
hey there,
hope you are feeling better(some of your posts today have worried me)
i'll be alright...in the next lifetime. ;-)
the purple cloth covering jc on the cross and his mom is a catholic
tradition.
with purple being the colour of mourning you are ment to sit and gaze
in wonder at the suffering made for us.
yes, i agree that it is something to be awed by. and sure, even feel some
guilt over. but i also know that the whole reason God let His son die for
us is so that we NO LONGER HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY! alot of christians forget
that, and they live lives of terrible guilt because they can't grasp how the
"gift" sets us free. that makes me very sad. i'm sure it makes God sadder.
on easter monday the cloth is removed to signify new life and a new
start.
i'm thinking of doing a little honoring myself, this year. more so than i
usually do, i mean. i'm thinking of beginning a fast on friday at the time
that jesus died and continuing it until sunday morning. and while i'm
fasting, i intend to focus on the death he died on that horrible cross. i
plan to watch "the passion of the christ" on saturday. i want to do nothing
but focus on it friday and saturday. but then on sunday, i intend to
totally celebrate His resurrection. it is after all the most important
aspect of His death on the cross. the fact that He rose again. and that's
what i'm going to celebrate come sunday morning. and it's what i celebrate
every sunday, as a matter of fact. the fact He rose. maybe you could try
focusing on what was good about His death instead of what was so terrible
about it, pv. i think that is what God would want you to do, hunny.
im scared most of the time but would be even more scared if i was not,
as part of me would be missing.......now i know this must sound stark
raving mad, and may not even make sense to you, but its how i fell + i
AM mad.
you are not mad, and you do not have to apologize for how you feel. i'm
just sorry that you feel scared. i feel scared about earthly things
constantly, but i can honestly say that i never feel scared about heavenly
things. and after all...which matters most?
hang in there, pv.
thnx for thinking of me.
~u2b
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:37:53 PM |
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Rosena wrote...
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart
medicine and like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill
medicine. I can feel deep in my body that I am sick. I am
going to have to lay down today. I will try to get to
doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup.
I wish I had a sister or brother, a mother, some family
member to tell. To talk with. But I was an only child and
there are no blood relatives anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in
order for some reason. And I am very chaotic by nature.
Hard to be this way - hungry desperate for order in one
part of myself and chaotic and messy by nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm
Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in
a moment with all else faded and still. I am scared.
Rosena
get to the doctor! there's serious heart disease running in my
family. it's nothing to mess with, especially with all the
stress you're under. how's your bp?
i think half of my problems right now would be solved by an
orderly house. living in a house with 3 disorderly guys isn't
helping.
-lisa
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:45:13 PM |
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get to the doctor! there's serious heart disease running in my
family. it's nothing to mess with, especially with all the
stress you're under. how's your bp?
Hi you, how is arm?! I got doctor appoitnment on Friday so that is
good. BP okay, actually it runs low. But yep, I am feeling stress on
chest.
i think half of my problems right now would be solved by an
orderly house. living in a house with 3 disorderly guys isn't
helping.
He he - me too! And Maria is chaos in motion though she gets on
cleaning japs at midnight. I loveeee orderly homes. On Saturday Night
Live they had a skit with anal man and he was really silly in kitchen
tying each bit of trash up in neat little packets. I LOVED him, I
wanted to be him. Weird eh?
Take care of arm girl,
Rosena
-lisa
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:56:31 PM |
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Rosena wrote...
get to the doctor! there's serious heart disease running
in my family. it's nothing to mess with, especially with
all the stress you're under. how's your bp?
Hi you, how is arm?! I got doctor appoitnment on Friday so
that is good. BP okay, actually it runs low. But yep, I am
feeling stress on chest.
i think half of my problems right now would be solved by
an orderly house. living in a house with 3 disorderly guys
isn't helping.
He he - me too! And Maria is chaos in motion though she
gets on cleaning japs at midnight. I loveeee orderly
homes. On Saturday Night Live they had a skit with anal
man and he was really silly in kitchen tying each bit of
trash up in neat little packets. I LOVED him, I wanted to
be him. Weird eh?
Take care of arm girl,
Rosena
i'd settle for seeing table surfaces in my house right now,
forget about the kitchen... there's so much of joe's mail
built up on a kitchen table right now that he lost the
electric bill. they called with a shut-off warning today.
i'm doing what i can for the arm. had it put back in and got
some tens on it today. thinking about surgery, though it'll
probably fix itself if i wait long enough. just tired of
waiting, and don't know if it'll be better in a few weeks or 9
mos. there's no way to tell.
-lisa
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| User: "purpleveggie" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 03:56:30 PM |
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Rosena wrote:
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine. I can feel
deep in my body that I am sick. I am going to have to lay down today.
I will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup. I wish I had
a sister or brother, a mother, some family member to tell. To talk
with. But I was an only child and there are no blood relatives
anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in order for some
reason. And I am very chaotic by nature. Hard to be this way - hungry
desperate for order in one part of myself and chaotic and messy by
nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
Rosena
i will be your step-dad if you like.
easter is indeed a guilt trip for believers.
im glad when its all over and they take off the purple cloth that
covers the cross and mary in the church.
it spooks me...silly, but ever since a child i never liked the thought
of mary being in the dark.
jc is not a problem as he's dead.
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
10 Apr 2006 04:04:39 PM |
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You are so sweet. Your post really moved me. I do not like the idea of
Mary being in the dark either. Not at all. I am glad to know someone
can understand feeling guilt. People who believe tend to by so happy at
Easter . . .my little girl wants to be wicca. I am having a hard time
walking line between being an open nurturing mother and teaching her
what seems true and right. Her heart is so full of compasion, however,
that I do not worry about her path much.
I forgot what you said - I recall married but children??
Thanks Purpleveggie.
Rosena
purpleveggie wrote:
Rosena wrote:
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine. I can feel
deep in my body that I am sick. I am going to have to lay down today.
I will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup. I wish I had
a sister or brother, a mother, some family member to tell. To talk
with. But I was an only child and there are no blood relatives
anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in order for some
reason. And I am very chaotic by nature. Hard to be this way - hungry
desperate for order in one part of myself and chaotic and messy by
nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
Rosena
i will be your step-dad if you like.
easter is indeed a guilt trip for believers.
im glad when its all over and they take off the purple cloth that
covers the cross and mary in the church.
it spooks me...silly, but ever since a child i never liked the thought
of mary being in the dark.
jc is not a problem as he's dead.
.
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| User: "William Blake Jr." |
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| Title: Re: @ So @ |
11 Apr 2006 08:54:23 AM |
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Sorry about that.. I hope you get better.
Rosena wrote:
I am very ill. Something is wrong. I have been off heart medicine and
like a fool have not gone to doctor to refill medicine. I can feel
deep in my body that I am sick. I am going to have to lay down today.
I will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Funny to post this unimportant
information on a newsgroup, even if it is "my" newsgroup. I wish I had
a sister or brother, a mother, some family member to tell. To talk
with. But I was an only child and there are no blood relatives
anywhere except Maria.
I am fed up with my own complaints. I need all to be in order for some
reason. And I am very chaotic by nature. Hard to be this way - hungry
desperate for order in one part of myself and chaotic and messy by
nature.
Easter . . .I feel nothing but guilt at Easter and Palm Sunday.
I like to get lost in physical sensation and to just hum in a moment
with all else faded and still. I am scared.
Rosena
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