| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"" |
| Date: |
03 Jul 2006 09:10:42 AM |
| Object: |
- Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
I have had major depression for years now. I get by. That's it, I
just get by.
Sometimes, way too often, something really bad happens in my life and
my depression gets very bad and I get somewhat suicidal.
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
The vast majority reaction is the same: Go away. I don't want to deal
with you because you are depression, or, just yesterday, "I don't want
negativity in my home".
So I seek support, share my true feelings, and then am abandoned and
rejected by people I thought my friends because, gosh, they don't want
to deal with my depression, let alone help me.
I have gone through a very bad time in the last six months. There were
4 people who I have known for years, people with whom I have shared and
been shared with, for over a decade, in some cases over two decades. I
became badly depressed. I sent them messages telling them how I felt,
that I would like support, that I would like to see them and for them
to come see me. I even got to the point that I asked one person to
invite me over for dinner or just a visit.
None did.
It happened yesterday again, as I referred to above. A new "friend"
wanted be to be honest and open with him. I told him how I truly felt.
Then he basically said he doesn't want me around because I am
depressed.
I have become very isolated, worse I think than I have ever been in
decades. With a few exceptions, I have been almost totally alone
except for my dog for 6 months. A few days ago, I was with someone and
they did something that bothered me and I responded to them verbally as
if they were my dog! I snapped my fingers and told them to "Sit!"
After I realize what I had done -- and it took me a while -- I
apologized.
The vicious circle: I have serious depression. I isolate myself. I
try to social. At some point, the discussion comes that I have major
depression and am sometimes suicidal. The other person then tells me
that they don't want me in their life anymore because I am depressed
and at times suicidal. They can't deal with it. Or worse, they don't
want to deal with it. I become more isolated. It becomes even harder
to try to socialize. When I am able to, the same thing happens again,
and I become even further isolated, and depressed, and it becomes next
to impossible to socialize. And if I finally try, same vicious circle.
Friends don't want you as a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend.
They tell you they want you to be honest with them. When you are
honest with them, they abandon you.
Asking friends for support leads to them rejecting you.
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
03 Jul 2006 06:26:09 PM |
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<tomswiftsr@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1151935842.427201.316400@b68g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
Your friends can't understand, and they can't deal with the issue.
That is normal. Your choice is whether to keep them as friends (which
means don't tell them about your depression), or tell them about
depression (and see them go away). Asking for normal people to be
friends and deal with your depression is asking too much.
If you want people you can talk to about depression, your best bet may
be to find a local support group for people with depression. Then you
have people you can level with, and a separate group you can have as
friends.
I realize this doesn't seem fair, but it is one of the prices this
illness extracts. Railing against it won't help, but working around it
may.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "Gerrit Vicin" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
04 Jul 2006 05:21:41 AM |
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Nom dePlume schrieb:
<tomswiftsr@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1151935842.427201.316400@b68g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
Your friends can't understand, and they can't deal with the issue.
That is normal. Your choice is whether to keep them as friends (which
means don't tell them about your depression), or tell them about
depression (and see them go away). Asking for normal people to be
friends and deal with your depression is asking too much.
That sounds really tough. I'm hoping it's not like you put it. Though
what people wrote under this subject line seems to prove it.
Don't you think one can make one's friends slowly acquainted to the
facts? Telling them bit by bit over a longer period of time not to shock
them?
Anyway I think people around someone who's depressed will notice that
there's something wrong. Like Kate wrote that it was her so called best
friend who first pointed out Kate made suffer from depression, if I take
her right. So why is it so shocking when what one expects is proven right?
I'm lucky it seems. Firstly because I don't have a major depression and
secondly my friends took it (though not with real understanding) with
passionate concern when I broke it to them. I hope I'm not being
insensitive in saying so.
If you want people you can talk to about depression, your best bet may
be to find a local support group for people with depression. Then you
have people you can level with, and a separate group you can have as
friends.
That sure sounds reasonable.
I realize this doesn't seem fair, but it is one of the prices this
illness extracts. Railing against it won't help, but working around it
may.
gerriT
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
04 Jul 2006 04:19:59 PM |
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"Gerrit Vicin" <gerrit@blinx.de> wrote in message
news:1152008501.590488@news.blinx.de...
Nom dePlume schrieb:
<tomswiftsr@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1151935842.427201.316400@b68g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
Your friends can't understand, and they can't deal with the issue.
That is normal. Your choice is whether to keep them as friends
(which means don't tell them about your depression), or tell them
about depression (and see them go away). Asking for normal people
to be friends and deal with your depression is asking too much.
That sounds really tough. I'm hoping it's not like you put it.
Though what people wrote under this subject line seems to prove it.
Don't you think one can make one's friends slowly acquainted to the
facts? Telling them bit by bit over a longer period of time not to
shock them?
No, I don't. The reason is this: Someone who has suffered from serious
depression has experienced emotional states that have no counterpart
among non-depressed people. It is literally impossible for someone who
has not experienced depression to understand what that experience is
like. So asking for understanding is asking for too much. It isn't
fair, because it isn't possible.
The most you could hope to get is not understanding, but acceptance.
That is theoretically possible, but I still think it's asking for too
much. It's making a pretty big demand, and making big demands usually
isn't the way to make friends.
Anyway I think people around someone who's depressed will notice
that there's something wrong. Like Kate wrote that it was her so
called best friend who first pointed out Kate made suffer from
depression, if I take her right. So why is it so shocking when what
one expects is proven right?
Because they can't possibly understand the reality of depression.
I'm lucky it seems. Firstly because I don't have a major depression
and secondly my friends took it (though not with real understanding)
with passionate concern when I broke it to them. I hope I'm not
being insensitive in saying so.
I think you are very lucky, and I'm glad for you. I doubt many people
would be as fortunate.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "Gerrit Vicin" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
05 Jul 2006 06:24:27 AM |
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Nom dePlume schrieb:
"Gerrit Vicin" <gerrit@blinx.de> wrote in message
news:1152008501.590488@news.blinx.de...
Nom dePlume schrieb:
[...]
Don't you think one can make one's friends slowly acquainted to the
facts? Telling them bit by bit over a longer period of time not to
shock them?
No, I don't. The reason is this: Someone who has suffered from serious
depression has experienced emotional states that have no counterpart
among non-depressed people. It is literally impossible for someone who
has not experienced depression to understand what that experience is
like.
Depression is not unique in this matter. There are many issues like
other mental illnesses or addictions that are impossible or hard to
understand for someone who hasn't experienced them. (I know you didn't
say it was otherwise, I just wanted to mention it).
So asking for understanding is asking for too much. It isn't
fair, because it isn't possible.
The most you could hope to get is not understanding, but acceptance.
That is theoretically possible, but I still think it's asking for too
much.
I suppose it depends on how much there is to accept meaning how bad the
depression is.
It's making a pretty big demand, and making big demands usually
isn't the way to make friends.
Anyway I think people around someone who's depressed will notice
that there's something wrong. Like Kate wrote that it was her so
called best friend who first pointed out Kate made suffer from
depression, if I take her right. So why is it so shocking when what
one expects is proven right?
Because they can't possibly understand the reality of depression.
I wouldn't ask for understanding. Personally I don't need to be
understood always. Acceptance is enough and often the first step to
understanding.
I'm lucky it seems. Firstly because I don't have a major depression
and secondly my friends took it (though not with real understanding)
with passionate concern when I broke it to them. I hope I'm not
being insensitive in saying so.
I think you are very lucky, and I'm glad for you.
Thank you. You're very kind.
I doubt many people would be as fortunate.
I wish everyone was.
gerriT
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| User: "Gerrit Vicin" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
04 Jul 2006 05:27:32 AM |
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schrieb:
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
[...]
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
This is really bad and I'm sorry.
gerriT
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| User: "eoygeo" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
04 Jul 2006 11:03:03 AM |
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I am trying to separate this thought of that someone had steal a thing,
driven me crazy at the dance studio, my very own sacket for a
pointshoes disappeared at the changing room, everyone had own pile of
clothing on the floor intact, It wasn't that crowdy for things to
get lost, only a several adult people in and out a while we had a
whole stage rehersal, from that big enough changing room of upstairs.
Someone had to reach out and grab it to be gone. I am going to
approach a person to person ask if in case misstakenly took my very own
sacket for a pointshoes. I am trying not to dwell on it untill then.
A mind just going around and around about that it had been steal by.
People would suprise If I told them that I have a depression with
illness of Schizophrenia, because I know I look very strong and tough
and I know that there will be no friend to be with people distance
themself if I mention that I am on a psychiatrical medication, for
when I say it is a nerological medication out of mental breakdown a
matter be different. If when I say it litely and say it's been taken
care of and there is nothing to it to just make a friend out of want to
be a friend to feel normal, it is a nerological break down,
explainning just like that,? I don't. I am old enough I keep it
quiet not saying anything about it untill there is some mutual
understanding tough of a humanness that can sounds creepy but.
I try to be a normal, because I am a normal.
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
04 Jul 2006 06:51:09 PM |
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"eoygeo" <eoygeo@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1152028982.490629.72770@m73g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
I am trying to separate this thought of that someone had steal a thing,
driven me crazy at the dance studio, my very own sacket for a
pointshoes disappeared at the changing room, everyone had own pile of
clothing on the floor intact, It wasn't that crowdy for things to
get lost, only a several adult people in and out a while we had a
whole stage rehersal, from that big enough changing room of upstairs.
Someone had to reach out and grab it to be gone. I am going to
approach a person to person ask if in case misstakenly took my very own
sacket for a pointshoes. I am trying not to dwell on it untill then.
A mind just going around and around about that it had been steal by.
People would suprise If I told them that I have a depression with
illness of Schizophrenia, because I know I look very strong and tough
and I know that there will be no friend to be with people distance
themself if I mention that I am on a psychiatrical medication, for
when I say it is a nerological medication out of mental breakdown a
matter be different. If when I say it litely and say it's been taken
care of and there is nothing to it to just make a friend out of want to
be a friend to feel normal, it is a nerological break down,
explainning just like that,? I don't. I am old enough I keep it
quiet not saying anything about it untill there is some mutual
understanding tough of a humanness that can sounds creepy but.
I try to be a normal, because I am a normal.
that's good eoygeo. and good luck finding your ballet shoes!
:)
~u2b
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| User: "BoredToTears" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
05 Jul 2006 03:08:54 PM |
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wrote:
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
Don't. You're just causing yourself grief. What, exactly, do you want
these "friends" to do? Pat you on the back and say "there, there"?
Because there's little else they can do, especially if they have no
experience of depression (and even sometimes when they do; they
don't want to go back there).
There's an old saying, "misery loves company" and unfortunately
it's unrequited love.
Just like most things in this life it's something that you, I and
everyone else
that comes here has to suffer through, for the most part, alone.
Best wishes.
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
08 Jul 2006 09:55:17 PM |
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BoredToTears wrote:
tomswiftsr@gmail.com wrote:
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
Don't. You're just causing yourself grief. What, exactly, do you want
these "friends" to do? Pat you on the back and say "there, there"?
Because there's little else they can do, especially if they have no
experience of depression (and even sometimes when they do; they
don't want to go back there).
There's an old saying, "misery loves company" and unfortunately
it's unrequited love.
Just like most things in this life it's something that you, I and
everyone else that comes here has to suffer through, for the most part, alone.
Best wishes.
Best wishes? After THAT, "best wishes"?!
Your attitude is exactly what I see as part of the problem on both
sides. You think that if someone hasn't had depression, they *can't*
understand you. And if you do and tell someone, you don't think there
will be other people who *won't* try to understand you.
You know why I don't believe that *****? Because I've been on both
sides when it has comes to illnesses. I've been very close to people
who have been seriously and emotional ill. I never stopped trying to
understand them, even when I could never fully, even when I couldn't
help.
And when I've been the one who was ill, I never stopped trying to help
others understand how things are for me.
We are human beings and a basic part of being human for me is you don't
want others to suffer alone. Maybe you easy their suffering; maybe
there is nothing you can do to less their suffering. BUT YOU DON'T
LEAVE THEM ALONE.
No, I don't want to hear a meaningless "There, there" from those who I
think of as and feel are my friends. What I want them to say is, "I'm
here". That they haven't left, that they hadn't abandon me, that they
haven't betrayed my friendship and my love. Maybe there is not a
fucking thing they can do to help me, to make things better for me, but
THEY ARE THERE. Even if it just to be near, in distance, by phone, by
email, in their thoughts when all else seems lost or is loss.
There are people in the world like that. I know that because I have
been one, still try to be one. I've done what I've could when I could,
even if it was just being there. Sometimes that is enough. Sometimes
that is more than enough, knowing someone is there for you, if he or
she can do nothing.
The world has dragged me down. I'm too open a person; I literally am
too nice a person. There is a title of a poem I will always recall:
"There are some men too gentle to live among the wolves." That I feel
sums up my life and who I am so clearly.
And it is "some men". That means there are others out there who share
too gentle to be among the wolves as well. There are so many wolves in
the world however. It is too easy to be a wolf. And if you live among
the wolves too long, it is too easy for you to become a wolf.
I have been and still am a very social person in many ways. I know I
have changed the world and people for the better in ways many never get
the chance to. But it has cost me. I knew there was a price in what I
did and one that I would have to pay. I did.
Time has worn me down. The wolves are closer and I do not have the
strength to keep them at bay as I once did. I have thought my friends
would be there for me, as I have been and would be for them. Reality
is often bitter.
I understand why they do what they do, why they walk away. But I think
I can also see deeper and I understand they are walking away from so
much more than they realize. They are walking away for part of what it
means to be human. They are walking away from a part of what it means
to be themselves.
There have been suggestions here, good ones, thoughtful ones, not empty
ones like the ones in the post I am replying too. I feel that person
has walked away from their humanity as those others who have walked
away from her or him.
I have medication that helps, but only so far. I'm on a combination of
7 different ones. That last time I felt *happy* was over two years
ago. Most of the time I can hope for feeling okay or so-so. And the
rest is depression.
Talk-therapy is dangerous to me. The first time I went through it, I
went from depression to major depression; it actually made me sicker.
After a number of struggling with the clinic I was at, to get treatment
that helped and did not harm me, I was shut out. I found a
psychologist who helped me far better with medication only than the
clinic did with talk-therapy and pills.
Several years later, there were serious problems in my life on all
levels, and I decided to try talk-therapy again. It was helpful when
it was only every two or three months. but the therapist thought I
needed to come monthly. Within six months, that ended, and I was left
in a worse place, with only a referral to the same type of therapy that
had made me sicker once again. My psychologist and my medications were
often the only stability I had in my life.
Support groups? Where? Why? I fear them. Besides my depression, I
know I would have next to nothing in common with others in such a
group. That is just who I am as a person. I fear my openness would
make me more vulnerable to emotional harm in such a group, just as I
found with talk-therapy. What do I do? Do I try it and risk further
harm to myself emotionally or do I at least go on as I am now, because
at least I can somewhat go on?
Meanwhile, in the last few days, the new friend I was trying to make is
now, despite my desire otherwise, a lost cause. My "negativity" is too
much for him. If I want to be his friend, I need to completely change
my emotional viewpoint. From what he has said and how he has said it,
he seems to fear being hurt, being sad, accepting that bad things
happen and cannot be changed. I wonder if he might have depression as
well and is trying his best to hide himself for it.
But now, now, I know the wolves are outside my door once again, ever
closer.
-Tom Sr.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
08 Jul 2006 10:39:00 PM |
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<tomswiftsr@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1152413717.183374.114780@m73g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
Support groups? Where?
Try a Google search, and see if any are in your area. Try the Yellow
Pages of your phone book, looking under "psychotherapy", "counseling,"
and so forth. Even if you don't see a group listed as such, call a
couple of the offices and see if they can point you to some.
Why? I fear them. Besides my depression, I
know I would have next to nothing in common with others in such a
group. That is just who I am as a person. I fear my openness would
make me more vulnerable to emotional harm in such a group, just as I
found with talk-therapy. What do I do? Do I try it and risk
further
harm to myself emotionally or do I at least go on as I am now,
because
at least I can somewhat go on?
I understand where you are coming from, but I think there is more
opportunity, and less risk, than you believe. Remember, *you* control
how much you disclose about yourself, and you can do so at whatever
rate you choose. You can leave any time. You are risking very little.
My suggestion is that you try such a group, as an experiment, and
*discover* whether there is anything there of value to you. You don't
need to know ahead of time, because you actually risk very little. Try
it, and see what happens.
But now, now, I know the wolves are outside my door once again, ever
closer.
We'll try to bring a little wolf repellant to your life here.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "humble.life" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
05 Jul 2006 02:34:06 PM |
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wrote:
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
I have had major depression for years now. I get by. That's it, I
just get by.
Sometimes, way too often, something really bad happens in my life and
my depression gets very bad and I get somewhat suicidal.
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
The vast majority reaction is the same: Go away. I don't want to deal
with you because you are depression, or, just yesterday, "I don't want
negativity in my home".
So I seek support, share my true feelings, and then am abandoned and
rejected by people I thought my friends because, gosh, they don't want
to deal with my depression, let alone help me.
I have gone through a very bad time in the last six months. There were
4 people who I have known for years, people with whom I have shared and
been shared with, for over a decade, in some cases over two decades. I
became badly depressed. I sent them messages telling them how I felt,
that I would like support, that I would like to see them and for them
to come see me. I even got to the point that I asked one person to
invite me over for dinner or just a visit.
None did.
It happened yesterday again, as I referred to above. A new "friend"
wanted be to be honest and open with him. I told him how I truly felt.
Then he basically said he doesn't want me around because I am
depressed.
I have become very isolated, worse I think than I have ever been in
decades. With a few exceptions, I have been almost totally alone
except for my dog for 6 months. A few days ago, I was with someone and
they did something that bothered me and I responded to them verbally as
if they were my dog! I snapped my fingers and told them to "Sit!"
After I realize what I had done -- and it took me a while -- I
apologized.
The vicious circle: I have serious depression. I isolate myself. I
try to social. At some point, the discussion comes that I have major
depression and am sometimes suicidal. The other person then tells me
that they don't want me in their life anymore because I am depressed
and at times suicidal. They can't deal with it. Or worse, they don't
want to deal with it. I become more isolated. It becomes even harder
to try to socialize. When I am able to, the same thing happens again,
and I become even further isolated, and depressed, and it becomes next
to impossible to socialize. And if I finally try, same vicious circle.
Friends don't want you as a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend.
They tell you they want you to be honest with them. When you are
honest with them, they abandon you.
Asking friends for support leads to them rejecting you.
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
people don't believe experiences they haven't had unless they're good ones.
its easier to use dissmissiveness and the path-of-least-resistance than
anything else.
it's only when things are proven different that it all gets complicated
and confusing as a standard. and of course your friends aren't helping.
it's my life too, and it's the same shallowness accross the world.
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| User: "duck" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
05 Jul 2006 02:23:07 PM |
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wrote:
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
I have had major depression for years now. I get by. That's it, I
just get by.
Sometimes, way too often, something really bad happens in my life and
my depression gets very bad and I get somewhat suicidal.
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
The vast majority reaction is the same: Go away. I don't want to deal
with you because you are depression, or, just yesterday, "I don't want
negativity in my home".
So I seek support, share my true feelings, and then am abandoned and
rejected by people I thought my friends because, gosh, they don't want
to deal with my depression, let alone help me.
I have gone through a very bad time in the last six months. There were
4 people who I have known for years, people with whom I have shared and
been shared with, for over a decade, in some cases over two decades. I
became badly depressed. I sent them messages telling them how I felt,
that I would like support, that I would like to see them and for them
to come see me. I even got to the point that I asked one person to
invite me over for dinner or just a visit.
None did.
It happened yesterday again, as I referred to above. A new "friend"
wanted be to be honest and open with him. I told him how I truly felt.
Then he basically said he doesn't want me around because I am
depressed.
I have become very isolated, worse I think than I have ever been in
decades. With a few exceptions, I have been almost totally alone
except for my dog for 6 months. A few days ago, I was with someone and
they did something that bothered me and I responded to them verbally as
if they were my dog! I snapped my fingers and told them to "Sit!"
After I realize what I had done -- and it took me a while -- I
apologized.
The vicious circle: I have serious depression. I isolate myself. I
try to social. At some point, the discussion comes that I have major
depression and am sometimes suicidal. The other person then tells me
that they don't want me in their life anymore because I am depressed
and at times suicidal. They can't deal with it. Or worse, they don't
want to deal with it. I become more isolated. It becomes even harder
to try to socialize. When I am able to, the same thing happens again,
and I become even further isolated, and depressed, and it becomes next
to impossible to socialize. And if I finally try, same vicious circle.
Friends don't want you as a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend.
They tell you they want you to be honest with them. When you are
honest with them, they abandon you.
Asking friends for support leads to them rejecting you.
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
.
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| User: "duck" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
05 Jul 2006 02:23:11 PM |
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wrote:
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
I have had major depression for years now. I get by. That's it, I
just get by.
Sometimes, way too often, something really bad happens in my life and
my depression gets very bad and I get somewhat suicidal.
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
The vast majority reaction is the same: Go away. I don't want to deal
with you because you are depression, or, just yesterday, "I don't want
negativity in my home".
So I seek support, share my true feelings, and then am abandoned and
rejected by people I thought my friends because, gosh, they don't want
to deal with my depression, let alone help me.
I have gone through a very bad time in the last six months. There were
4 people who I have known for years, people with whom I have shared and
been shared with, for over a decade, in some cases over two decades. I
became badly depressed. I sent them messages telling them how I felt,
that I would like support, that I would like to see them and for them
to come see me. I even got to the point that I asked one person to
invite me over for dinner or just a visit.
None did.
It happened yesterday again, as I referred to above. A new "friend"
wanted be to be honest and open with him. I told him how I truly felt.
Then he basically said he doesn't want me around because I am
depressed.
I have become very isolated, worse I think than I have ever been in
decades. With a few exceptions, I have been almost totally alone
except for my dog for 6 months. A few days ago, I was with someone and
they did something that bothered me and I responded to them verbally as
if they were my dog! I snapped my fingers and told them to "Sit!"
After I realize what I had done -- and it took me a while -- I
apologized.
The vicious circle: I have serious depression. I isolate myself. I
try to social. At some point, the discussion comes that I have major
depression and am sometimes suicidal. The other person then tells me
that they don't want me in their life anymore because I am depressed
and at times suicidal. They can't deal with it. Or worse, they don't
want to deal with it. I become more isolated. It becomes even harder
to try to socialize. When I am able to, the same thing happens again,
and I become even further isolated, and depressed, and it becomes next
to impossible to socialize. And if I finally try, same vicious circle.
Friends don't want you as a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend.
They tell you they want you to be honest with them. When you are
honest with them, they abandon you.
Asking friends for support leads to them rejecting you.
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
.
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| User: "Kate" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
03 Jul 2006 09:42:45 AM |
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wrote:
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
I have had major depression for years now. I get by. That's it, I
just get by.
Sometimes, way too often, something really bad happens in my life and
my depression gets very bad and I get somewhat suicidal.
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
The vast majority reaction is the same: Go away. I don't want to deal
with you because you are depression, or, just yesterday, "I don't want
negativity in my home".
So I seek support, share my true feelings, and then am abandoned and
rejected by people I thought my friends because, gosh, they don't want
to deal with my depression, let alone help me.
I have gone through a very bad time in the last six months. There were
4 people who I have known for years, people with whom I have shared and
been shared with, for over a decade, in some cases over two decades. I
became badly depressed. I sent them messages telling them how I felt,
that I would like support, that I would like to see them and for them
to come see me. I even got to the point that I asked one person to
invite me over for dinner or just a visit.
None did.
It happened yesterday again, as I referred to above. A new "friend"
wanted be to be honest and open with him. I told him how I truly felt.
Then he basically said he doesn't want me around because I am
depressed.
I have become very isolated, worse I think than I have ever been in
decades. With a few exceptions, I have been almost totally alone
except for my dog for 6 months. A few days ago, I was with someone and
they did something that bothered me and I responded to them verbally as
if they were my dog! I snapped my fingers and told them to "Sit!"
After I realize what I had done -- and it took me a while -- I
apologized.
The vicious circle: I have serious depression. I isolate myself. I
try to social. At some point, the discussion comes that I have major
depression and am sometimes suicidal. The other person then tells me
that they don't want me in their life anymore because I am depressed
and at times suicidal. They can't deal with it. Or worse, they don't
want to deal with it. I become more isolated. It becomes even harder
to try to socialize. When I am able to, the same thing happens again,
and I become even further isolated, and depressed, and it becomes next
to impossible to socialize. And if I finally try, same vicious circle.
Friends don't want you as a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend.
They tell you they want you to be honest with them. When you are
honest with them, they abandon you.
Asking friends for support leads to them rejecting you.
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
I too feel that this is my life. I wonder what I have done to deserve
this. Your statement about just gettin by hit home with me. I have
lost all friends because of this illness. I am Bi-Polar. This was
first pointed out to me by my so called best friend of 17 years. It
was at her suggestion that I seek help. Once I was diagnosed, she told
me that she couldn't take or deal with the trauma that is my life and
she said goodbye....I don't think that I have ever felt so betrayed. I
have never had a lot of friends, one or two was enough for me. Now
however there is no one...although my 21 year old daughter said she
would be my best friend. She's great. I also have my 19 year old son
and my husband. Even my husband doesn't always understand this
stuff...sometimes he will say that "everything is all about you" and
he's sick of it...I feel sometimes that he has given up on being
supportive...I don't see a lot of caring lately.
I also think that I am beginning to have some kind of social anxiety.
I am getting very nervous about leaving my house. I do have to work
and I feel relatively safe at work (but very paranoid at times, like
thinking that I am going to be fired). My life seems to be turning
into getting from one safe place to another as quickly as possible.
This is not living in my opinion and I hate it. If it wasn't for my
kids, I don't know....
I am on meds that take away my mania, but not the depression. I would
much rather have the mania....Just the depression makes me feel like
each hour that I am awake is a huge waste of time. Accomplishing
nothing, doing nothing.... Kate
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
03 Jul 2006 01:05:18 PM |
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Hey,
It really sucks, doesn't it? That's my world, and that's been my life
for as long as i can remember. You need to learn how to...introduce
people into your world gradualy. You wrote: "Friends don't want you as
a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend."
I understand the feeling, and btw, this is why so many people mask/hide
their depression. But it's not exactly like that. Take out the word
"friend" and put in the word "people". That's accurate. That's life;
that's just the way things are; by and large people don't like unhappy
depressing things, and people do like warm sunny days and puppy dogs.
This is important: it's not personal. I know it feels personal, and i
know it looks that way but it's not about YOU, it's not about who or
what you are; it's just human nature. In the same way that some people
can't tolerate the sight of blood, or can't tolerate being in a
hospital, being around sick people or dying people.
If you choose not to wear a mask then yes, you will find that fewer
people will be around you. But the ones who can deal with it, and i
have 2 people that i can talk to about wanting to die, those will be
strong people.
You want to blame them for not being able to be honest, but everyone
has their limitations. Is that your fault? Their fault? It's
nobody's FAULT -have you ever played cards with someone?- you were
dealt a lousy hand, i've been dealt a useless hand. And that just
happens sometimes.
The one and only reason i didn't kill myself when i was 15 was 'cause
of my dog. 'Cause my dog can't understand i'm dead, she's going to
wonder why i don't come pet her or play with her, no one else is going
to pay any attention to her, so she's going to be alone and abandoned.
And it hurt me to think of her being like that. I didn't want to hurt
the one living thing that gave a frell if i was alive, that's not how
you repay loyalty. Maybe that sounds stupid but that's the way i saw it
back then.
Deep depression is going to cost you a lot: money, time, friends, maybe
family, potential friends, potential loves, better grades, jobs, i
can't think of any part of life that isn't affected. It just really
sucks. If you can ever find a good therapist that helps you, or find a
medication that helps you -you're lucky and you should stick with it.
I might be dead in a month, 'cause i won't have a place to live and i
refuse to be homeless and there's not one person who cares. Last month
that was really stressing me out quite badly. Now... i don't really
care. Perhaps i've reached the end of my run. If so, it took way too
long to get there.
Poet
tomswiftsr@gmail.com wrote:
This has happened to me repeatedly with both old friends and new
friends.
I have had major depression for years now. I get by. That's it, I
just get by.
Sometimes, way too often, something really bad happens in my life and
my depression gets very bad and I get somewhat suicidal.
For many years, I have often tried to talk to friends when I get this
way, seeking their support.
The vast majority reaction is the same: Go away. I don't want to deal
with you because you are depression, or, just yesterday, "I don't want
negativity in my home".
So I seek support, share my true feelings, and then am abandoned and
rejected by people I thought my friends because, gosh, they don't want
to deal with my depression, let alone help me.
I have gone through a very bad time in the last six months. There were
4 people who I have known for years, people with whom I have shared and
been shared with, for over a decade, in some cases over two decades. I
became badly depressed. I sent them messages telling them how I felt,
that I would like support, that I would like to see them and for them
to come see me. I even got to the point that I asked one person to
invite me over for dinner or just a visit.
None did.
It happened yesterday again, as I referred to above. A new "friend"
wanted be to be honest and open with him. I told him how I truly felt.
Then he basically said he doesn't want me around because I am
depressed.
I have become very isolated, worse I think than I have ever been in
decades. With a few exceptions, I have been almost totally alone
except for my dog for 6 months. A few days ago, I was with someone and
they did something that bothered me and I responded to them verbally as
if they were my dog! I snapped my fingers and told them to "Sit!"
After I realize what I had done -- and it took me a while -- I
apologized.
The vicious circle: I have serious depression. I isolate myself. I
try to social. At some point, the discussion comes that I have major
depression and am sometimes suicidal. The other person then tells me
that they don't want me in their life anymore because I am depressed
and at times suicidal. They can't deal with it. Or worse, they don't
want to deal with it. I become more isolated. It becomes even harder
to try to socialize. When I am able to, the same thing happens again,
and I become even further isolated, and depressed, and it becomes next
to impossible to socialize. And if I finally try, same vicious circle.
Friends don't want you as a friend if you are depressed. As long as
you say nothing, as long as you lie, as long as you hide, bury, and
never mention your true feelings from then, they will be a friend.
They tell you they want you to be honest with them. When you are
honest with them, they abandon you.
Asking friends for support leads to them rejecting you.
My experience, over and over again for years and longer. This is my
depression and isolation. This is my life.
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: - Telling Friends You Have Depression... - |
03 Jul 2006 11:48:40 AM |
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is there some kind of support group near where you live, or
perhaps group therapy? then you'd be with others who understand,
who wouldn't reject you because of your depression, who need
support just as you do. i wish there was one near me. the
closest support group is 35 miles away, too far to go to on a
regular basis, and too far for real friendships to develop.
-lisa
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