Just got home from my Latin final. Now all tests are done and all there is
right now is to write thesis and prepare for teaching. I have two months and a
half to do it. Very shaky still, it is lasting a long time, seven days right
now. In much much pain, but have slight distance on John insofar as I am aware
of my own persona a bit. I need to break away somehow from my own enemies
inside, and it is hard to do being so isolated and alone. I think teaching
might help just to be back with peers and students, but I have to stay together
until then and do my work.
This is a terrible thing to say, but I think I need to lean on Maria right now
in a covert and non-obvious way . . . lean on my status as a mother I guess is
what I mean. I wish my faith was deeper in the Father, I am right now just
angry at Him. I know it is misplaced, but still . . . angry. The suffering is
hard to endure.
Rosena
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