Was doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed into
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. 7 years and four months later, and I am still
an abandoned-mind-of-a-three-year-old-hurt woman. Does anyone who knows the
story know why this doesn't stop?? Nina, Jean? Anyone? He might as well be
here slamming me against the wall.
Going to try to keep working. Posting for no reason. Writing it out doesn't
help.
Rosena
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
27 Jun 2004 09:37:35 AM |
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"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040625123033.19349.00000692@mb-m04.aol.com...
Was doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed into
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. 7 years and four months later, and I am still
an abandoned-mind-of-a-three-year-old-hurt woman. Does anyone who knows the
story know why this doesn't stop?? Nina, Jean? Anyone? He might as well be
here slamming me against the wall.
I don't know Rosena. It sounds like obsession. Try to remember that intense
emotions like this can't sustain themselves for long.
By the way I was wondering, when are you moving to New York?
Jean
Going to try to keep working. Posting for no reason. Writing it out doesn't
help.
Rosena
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| User: "epicphart" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
27 Jun 2004 09:52:24 AM |
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Luna wrote:
"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040625123033.19349.00000692@mb-m04.aol.com...
Was doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed into
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. 7 years and four months later, and I am still
an abandoned-mind-of-a-three-year-old-hurt woman. Does anyone who knows the
story know why this doesn't stop?? Nina, Jean? Anyone? He might as well be
here slamming me against the wall.
I don't know Rosena. It sounds like obsession. Try to remember that intense
emotions like this can't sustain themselves for long.
By the way I was wondering, when are you moving to New York?
Jean
Going to try to keep working. Posting for no reason. Writing it out doesn't
help.
Rosena
two moons from the birth of the Righteous one.
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
26 Jun 2004 01:22:24 AM |
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In message <20040625123033.19349.00000692@mb-m04.aol.com>, Trishamolson
<trishamolson@aol.com> writes
Was doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed into
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. 7 years and four months later, and I am still
an abandoned-mind-of-a-three-year-old-hurt woman. Does anyone who knows the
story know why this doesn't stop?? Nina, Jean? Anyone? He might as well be
here slamming me against the wall.
Going to try to keep working. Posting for no reason. Writing it out doesn't
help.
That you're still counting the months means you haven't let go. That
comes before any improvement, I think. Time will only heal when you show
it you're serious; it needs to see some commitment from you.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
26 Jun 2004 08:17:25 AM |
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Time will only heal when you show
it you're serious; it needs to see some commitment from you.
Yes, same as Nina eh? I think I make the choice and then bang -- my head is
right back there. Then I make the choice again, and bang. And so it goes.
You know, what you and Nina are talking about . . .maybe I am afraid to let go.
It feels like free fall in a way. To actually acknowledge that life is
constant change, and people go in and *out* of one's life, I really am a coward
about that.
We have to have coffee before I leave. Haven't forgotten, just so buried with
work and trying to function. Hope you are not annoyed at me.
R. :)
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
25 Jun 2004 09:16:51 PM |
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On 25 Jun 2004 16:30:33 GMT, (Trishamolson)
wrote:
Was doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed into
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. 7 years and four months later, and I am still
an abandoned-mind-of-a-three-year-old-hurt woman. Does anyone who knows the
story know why this doesn't stop?? Nina, Jean? Anyone? He might as well be
here slamming me against the wall.
This controls you only if you let it. That's a hard thing to say, but
ultimately, it's the truth. At some point, you have to make a choice
about this. You have to choose to walk away from it. And I don't
think that, on some level, you've done that. I say that because I
still see you write posts that idealize him. And that says to me that
you take these things out in your mind and turn them over and caress
them and savor that memory.
And it's not that I don't understand that. Of course I do. But the
thing that you fantasize about is, in some sense, your own creation.
He has no power over you other than what you allow him. And at some
point, hopefully, you will choose to stop allowing that.
As a purely practical matter, that would be... will be, I hope...
easier if you had other things to distract you. Other people. New
places. Time is a great healer, but you have to help her along.
Nina
_____________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
26 Jun 2004 08:13:27 AM |
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Hi Nina,
what you said is on spot. I do still savor it, or turn it over and over. I
think it is very important to have a life that distracts one from the endless
(pathetic) musing.
I am really really anxious to start teaching in Albany for I think it will be
an enormous help in this regard. Maria and I are so isolated right now.
The thing about choice is it seems recognizing that often one has to do it over
and over. It is not just one choice, but repeatedly saying "no" to the "*****"
in your mind and I find when I get fatigued it is much harder to say no. Yes,
the distractions of a life with people in it will be good.
Hope you and your son are well.
R. :)
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
26 Jun 2004 10:50:15 AM |
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On 26 Jun 2004 13:13:27 GMT, (Trishamolson)
wrote:
Hi Nina,
what you said is on spot. I do still savor it, or turn it over and over. I
think it is very important to have a life that distracts one from the endless
(pathetic) musing.
I am really really anxious to start teaching in Albany for I think it will be
an enormous help in this regard. Maria and I are so isolated right now.
The thing about choice is it seems recognizing that often one has to do it over
and over. It is not just one choice, but repeatedly saying "no" to the "*****"
in your mind and I find when I get fatigued it is much harder to say no. Yes,
the distractions of a life with people in it will be good.
I do think that you're right about this, that you have to do it over
and over and over until you're done with it. Michael sometimes says
to me, you've heard this all before, I must be boring you. But it's
not boring, and I can see that it's part of a process, like doing a
Chinese puzzle; you have to turn the pieces over and over again
endlessly until you see how they fit.
But I think that it's very important, if you can, to acknowledge what
you're doing, and what it's really about... and that's often more
about how you felt at that time that about the person in specific.
Easy to long for those golden and happy time, for the allure of
romance and sex and all the pretty thing that go with it, and feel the
pull of that, without focusing on the ugly underside. And I think
that a lot of the longing is about that kind of thing.
Nina
_____________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
28 Jun 2004 03:57:45 AM |
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Nina <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote:
... I say that because I still see you write posts that idealize him.
At least there aren't hundreds and thousands of other ppl that
write stuff idealizing him.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
28 Jun 2004 03:54:53 AM |
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Nina <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote:
On 25 Jun 2004 16:30:33 GMT, (Trishamolson)
wrote:
T/R:as doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. ... Does anyone who knows the
story know why this doesn't stop??
It stops but it _comes_ back, doesn't it?
N: This controls you only if you let it. That's a hard thing to say, but
ultimately, it's the truth. At some point, you have to make a choice
about this. You have to choose to walk away from it.
I'm not so sure. There's a lot going on. I know that I have
a list of ppl/places to avoid but I can DO that and I think
Rosena cannot without abandoning most of her identity. And I
think that one's control over some of these things is elusive.
Time may lessen it, but it has been a long while.
I'm not sure the "you can make a choice" pure and simple,
is the only course possible here.
This sound sort of like flashbacks from trauma to me, although
I know the events leading up to it were not classic trauma. There's
a number of new modalities for post-trauma treatment. I
know about these (IANAD or any other professional) but I have
seen the postings in local hospitals (NYC) e.g. St. Vincent's
Integrative Stress Management program, which is offered weekly
to NYC residents. The page I have mentions only acupuncture
and "body work modalities" to diminish acute emotional distress.
Yes some of this sounds whacky, and there is a certain
amount of controversy - but - the risk of adverse effects is
probably small.
I've seen some reports in the semi-popular press but cannot
recall where now. I will try to find out.
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| User: "harakiri" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
25 Jun 2004 05:57:39 PM |
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it does take a long time. stuff from 20 years ago still smashes into me.
"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040625123033.19349.00000692@mb-m04.aol.com...
Was doing fine and then suddenly -- in library -- felt like I crashed into
bricks at a 100 miles an hour. I am never going to get over what
happened,
never. I'm exhausted trying to. 7 years and four months later, and I am
still
an abandoned-mind-of-a-three-year-old-hurt woman. Does anyone who knows
the
story know why this doesn't stop?? Nina, Jean? Anyone? He might as well
be
here slamming me against the wall.
Going to try to keep working. Posting for no reason. Writing it out
doesn't
help.
Rosena
.
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
26 Jun 2004 08:08:08 AM |
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it does take a long time. stuff from 20 years ago still smashes into me.
Yes, seems like nothing to do but ride it out like a wave. Very hard some to do
sometimes. Hope you have better luck at it than me.
Best
Rosena
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| User: "harakiri" |
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| Title: Re: #@ |
26 Jun 2004 10:19:36 AM |
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actually you have better luck at it than me. i've crawled into this hole
i've made for myself. you, on the other hand, you're bulldozing through.
majorly impressive. you are doing the spanish proverb - living well is the
best revenge
"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040626090808.13519.00000588@mb-m12.aol.com...
it does take a long time. stuff from 20 years ago still smashes into me.
Yes, seems like nothing to do but ride it out like a wave. Very hard some
to do
sometimes. Hope you have better luck at it than me.
Best
Rosena
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