I try to remember how bad it was in order to feel good about how far Maria and
I have come. To not be able to talk or to stand sound or light, the capacity to
do the simplest addition gone, shaking and unable to think a thought. True
madness the doctors said. A quiet, at times raving, lunatic who had lost all
cogency and lucidity. It took two years to be able to handle sound and to let
Maria have the T.V> or radio on near me. I remember a big day when she and I
watched an hour of Xena together when Maria was 4.
Cogency has returned. I can "perform" in life somewhat, though stumbling. But
at times certain things, like the tap of rain on the window reminds me how
close madness remains, as if lurks outside a door at times making noise to
remind me it always waits to take me again.
Rosena
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