Tierd in my heart. One of those nights when one feels life's relentless weight
upon the chest. John is flitting in and out of my mind for I am moving and big
changes in my life always remind me so acutely that he cares not if I am dead.
That hurts.
Trying to plan with Maria the adventures we shall have in the east. I have
decided to take her to Williamsburg, and to Rockerfeller to ice skate at night
time during Christmas, and to a broadway show, and to Washington D.C. in
November (teaching conference) to see George Washington's home and the key from
the Bastille that was presented to him by Layfette (spelling?) and hangs by his
front door. That has been a big thing with her since she was 4, the idea of
Layfette caught her imagination.
But the thing is, my health is poor. I get weaker instead of stronger. And my
heart gets heavy. Sometimes it seems as if one can almost hear the world
moaning a lament for her sorrows; sometimes I can almost hear the dead who have
died violently howling from the center of the earth . . . too many years alone,
I suppose.
So, Henry V has this great line when he is about to face the French: "we would
not seek battle as we are, Nor as we are we say, we will not shun it.": It runs
chills up and down my back to hear it performed, oh but to to boast a bit of
such mettle.
Rosena
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: @# |
03 Jul 2004 04:07:21 PM |
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On 03 Jul 2004 20:43:42 GMT, (Trishamolson)
wrote:
So, Henry V has this great line when he is about to face the French: "we would
not seek battle as we are, Nor as we are we say, we will not shun it.": It runs
chills up and down my back to hear it performed, oh but to to boast a bit of
such mettle.
This strikes a chord with me, too.
I would not have things the way that they are for anything. I would
not choose this path, except that getting here has given me, I hope,
the tools to get somewhere else. But still, even for that, I would
not choose this. But it's where I am, and I can only fight on from
here, and with the things that I have.
At this moment, they seem too small to do the task, and I'm so
exhausted; all I want is sleep (and I've slept half the day). Things
like hope and light seem too far away to touch, and the creative power
that I could almost touch yesterday has wasted away again.
But I will go on, because there are no other choices. Because there
is something beyond this, something that I can nearly see a lot of the
time. Because it is what I am supposed to do, perhaps what I am
supposed to be. Because the battle comes to us, ready or not.
Nina
_____________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus
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