I have a bowl of fresh juicy bing cherries to eat, a hot cup of coffee, and my
smokes. I put -- yes, of all things -- Disney's Hercules on the cd player, and
it is a beautiful slightly breezy day outside which I can see from the window
in front of my desk. All books are up, my special cup for my pens, papers
somewhat ordered, and I am ready to work having slept late and getting rested .
.. .
So what is the fucking problem? I don't have a clue. In front of me is this
chance to go on to next life step to make things okay for Maria and I. All I
have to do is buckle down this moment -- now! -- and start getting ready for
class and looking at dissertation stuff, and my head is spinning around feeling
as if my brain is about to fry from water being poured on circuits.
I really really get disgusted with my emotional ***** and inability to just do
what I have to do. I would never put up with it from Maria or another person.
My head is screaming "get a grip, girl." If I could, I'd curl up on my own
mother's lap and sit still as she brushed my hair. it isn't depression
exactly. It isn't anything that fits that stupid book of clinincal bullet
points. It is fatigue that springs from the pit of my soul -- deep penetrating
exhaustion from living and scrambling for so many years to stay afloat in the
sea storm of a world that seems awash with senselessness, and overflowing with
cruelty.
So, that is enough whinning, don't you think (she says with a disgusted look)?
Okay . . . act woman!
Rosena
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: @@ |
14 Aug 2004 01:50:42 PM |
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On 14 Aug 2004 18:38:46 GMT, (Filpriros) wrote:
<(((*> So what is the fucking problem? I don't have a clue. In front of me is this
<(((*> chance to go on to next life step to make things okay for Maria and I. All I
<(((*> have to do is buckle down this moment -- now! -- and start getting ready for
<(((*> class and looking at dissertation stuff, and my head is spinning around feeling
<(((*> as if my brain is about to fry from water being poured on circuits.
Sounds like fear of success.
Tara J. Ballance
Montreal, Canada
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| User: "Wave" |
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| Title: Re: @@ |
14 Aug 2004 09:59:52 PM |
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waitingforgodot@samuel.beckett wrote:
Sounds like fear of success.
How does one get rid of that?
Wave
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: @@ |
15 Aug 2004 12:20:16 PM |
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On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 22:59:52 -0400, Wave
<white_wave_mistUNSPAM!@hotmail.com> wrote:
<(((*> waitingforgodot@samuel.beckett wrote:
<(((*>
<(((*> > Sounds like fear of success.
<(((*>
<(((*> How does one get rid of that?
Psychotherapy helps.
Tara J. Ballance
Montreal, Canada
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