I run away from people who have too many problems and wish to endlessly talk
about them . . . I do not like this about myself. Somewhere in me I am judging
them and this is so so wrong. It makes me cringe that I do it, but the people
with endless problems make me cringe too. Yet, I have endless problems. So I
am trapped, cringing from myself.

I am having emormous pain in left leg today, and it has kept me from working
for the last three hours although it has now died down a bit so I am posting
this. Pain like this scares me for it totally disables me and then I become
worried that if it lasts I will not be able to work and provide for Maria.

I am trying to improve myself physically. I am taking B complex and planning to
swim to get stronger. I am going to try to diet. I don't know why I am
sharing this . . .I guess I feel a bit desperate to feel womanly again. When I
could walk I use to sway my hips when I walked the old fashion 1950s way. My
mama taught me how to do it gracefully, and I was raised beliving it was the
way to walk. So too, I could stride with confidence. And hop around in a
delightfully adorable brat fashion. Movement, the way we move our bodies,
matters to how we feel about our spirit. I need to swim. To find ways to move
now that can help to spark some sass.

Rosena