I taught my last evidence class for the semester, and at the end of class my
students applauded me. It meant very much to me. They of course do not know
what I go through -- the constant fight to overcome traces of madness in my
mind and to succeed in teaching them each day . . . I am exhausted from the
semester and it ended right where I was just beginning falter ever so slightly.

Now, I have a month to prepare for next semester and to fret about a permanent
job. I am scared. I am scared for Maria and the idea that we could be
homeless. I am applying to PhD programs again this year, and looking for
another visitorship but . . .we are in straits.

I found out that John is teaching at Berkeley in the summer and got a grant
from the NEH. I am not jealous, well a bit. And I am not angry, no not a bit.
Just feel small and failed. . .

Off to work a bit, tree, and taking Maria to Finding Neverland. Die or keep
going, only choice eh?

Rosena