I sort of have a grip -- just let everything be - just let it be - but
it feels so much that I should let it be that I should not move, not
life a spoon to my lips for nourishment, not scoot out again into the
day, just will myself to death . . not even that, just lay and let
natural forces ravish me . . .
I am suppose to go to cardiologist tomorrow -
What would I tell Maria in this situation?? I know. Anmd it wouldn'r be
to do what I am doing in my head. I have lost another friend because
of John and my inability to let things be . . .
Why did I think surgery would make a difference?? Why am I like a rat
that doesn't learn but repeats and repeats and repeats???!!! I'd rather
be dead then to do this loop over and over and over.
R.
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: @ |
11 Apr 2005 06:44:56 PM |
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((((((((rosena))))))))
i hear everything you are saying. i wish i knew what to do for you.
:-(
~u2b
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: @ |
12 Apr 2005 01:20:47 AM |
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In message <1113262023.677076.34740@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
Rosena <filpriros@aol.com> writes
I sort of have a grip -- just let everything be - just let it be - but
it feels so much that I should let it be that I should not move, not
life a spoon to my lips for nourishment, not scoot out again into the
day, just will myself to death . . not even that, just lay and let
natural forces ravish me . . .
A common enough feeling. Are you getting any treatment for this? I can't
recall you saying.
I am suppose to go to cardiologist tomorrow -
Better than not seeing her/him. Do it!
What would I tell Maria in this situation?? I know. Anmd it wouldn'r be
to do what I am doing in my head. I have lost another friend because
of John and my inability to let things be . . .
We started telling Wynne about my illness when he was about six, I
think. It got more detailed as he grew older. Since he came down with
depressive symptoms, he knows too much.
Why did I think surgery would make a difference??
Because it will.
Why am I like a rat
that doesn't learn but repeats and repeats and repeats???!!!
Because it's easier to stick with what you know, even if it's bad, than
to try something new in the hope that it will be better?
I'd rather
be dead then to do this loop over and over and over.
No you wouldn't. Cut the loop and turn it into an upward spiral.
Visualise it as one. Each time round, you know a bit more, so you
ascend. Each time round you know a bit more of what doesn't work; what
you need to try to avoid. You can break out of the loop, you know.
Lesser people than you have managed it. Go on, try it, you might even
like it.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
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