So . . .taught my last class for this semster. Now it is time to write
exams, get ready for operation next week, and prepare for summer class.
But I am REALLY tumbled - confused and that is danger for me for then
I mess up. It is just that pretty much my year is up here and I really
wanted to stay and have a permanent position. And I just don't know if
I can face grad school - I mean the years it is going to take.
I usually am game for everything. Always been adventuerous. When I
was a kid I tried to runaway to Greenland (liked the name) and I have
done so so much in life. But I just want a home for Maria and I. And
I guess I am tierd.
Okay - shut up Rosena. I am REALLY lucky to have this opportunity and a
fellowship. I am lucky - blessed -- to have Maria. And since we will
be in Illinois for a while, we will settle down and this yearly move
thing will be done for a time. That is good.
I want a friend. A grown up friend. . . . oh well. enough self pity.
Rosena
.
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
02 May 2005 04:54:31 PM |
|
|
In message <1115064195.241211.263890@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
Rosena <filpriros@aol.com> writes
So . . .taught my last class for this semster. Now it is time to write
exams, get ready for operation next week, and prepare for summer class.
But I am REALLY tumbled - confused and that is danger for me for then
I mess up. It is just that pretty much my year is up here and I really
wanted to stay and have a permanent position. And I just don't know if
I can face grad school - I mean the years it is going to take.
I usually am game for everything. Always been adventuerous. When I
was a kid I tried to runaway to Greenland (liked the name) and I have
done so so much in life. But I just want a home for Maria and I. And
I guess I am tierd.
Okay - shut up Rosena. I am REALLY lucky to have this opportunity and a
fellowship. I am lucky - blessed -- to have Maria. And since we will
be in Illinois for a while, we will settle down and this yearly move
thing will be done for a time. That is good.
I want a friend. A grown up friend. . . . oh well. enough self pity.
It must be difficult to find a friend when you can't manage to meet
people. You're stuck with those you meet at work, aren't you, or digging
up someone from the past? How good were you at having/being/keeping
friends before you crashed and burnt?
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Rosena" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
02 May 2005 05:29:25 PM |
|
|
Hi Alan,
Yep -- pretty hard to make friends when can't even meet people and stay
sane. (I am so shy now it is sickening).
Before crashed I was always a bit neurotic but good at being there for
friends and had several important relations with give and take. It has
only been since breakdown that I isolate myself . . .
Got to work on that . . .I hope you are not mad at me
Rosena :)
.
|
|
|
| User: "Used2be" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
02 May 2005 06:12:35 PM |
|
|
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote
Got to work on that . . .I hope you are not mad at me
i think he's making it pretty clear that he isn't going to forgive you for
not "visiting" him while you were in the uk. why didn't he just come to
visit you, btw?
you are too nice, rosena.
~u2b
.
|
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
03 May 2005 02:00:59 AM |
|
|
In message <Dtyde.51029$hu5.2894@tornado.texas.rr.com>, Used2be
<used2be@nowhere.com> writes
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote
Got to work on that . . .I hope you are not mad at me
i think he's making it pretty clear that he isn't going to forgive you for
not "visiting" him while you were in the uk. why didn't he just come to
visit you, btw?
you are too nice, rosena.
I would have been the one who travelled, but I had no idea where to go.
Rosena had my phone number and address - I gave them to her before she
left for York, or as soon as she got there. She did not reciprocate. I
got an e-mail when she left apologising for not seeing me. That was
almost all the contact she made. I only found out how she was doing from
posts in asd.
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Used2be" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
03 May 2005 04:25:15 PM |
|
|
"Alan Harding" <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:l0vzngZrGydCFw89@harding.demon.co.uk...
In message <Dtyde.51029$hu5.2894@tornado.texas.rr.com>, Used2be
<used2be@nowhere.com> writes
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote
Got to work on that . . .I hope you are not mad at me
i think he's making it pretty clear that he isn't going to forgive you for
not "visiting" him while you were in the uk. why didn't he just come to
visit you, btw?
you are too nice, rosena.
I would have been the one who travelled, but I had no idea where to go.
Rosena had my phone number and address - I gave them to her before she
left for York, or as soon as she got there. She did not reciprocate. I got
an e-mail when she left apologising for not seeing me. That was almost all
the contact she made. I only found out how she was doing from posts in
asd.
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
but alan, you are talking about DEPRESSED people! surely you don't have the
same expectations of a bunch of depressed people than you do normies? i
just know from my own experience that meeting strangers (even ppl i "know"
on the internet) is more intensely terrifying than i can really put words
to. and alot of us here feel that way. it's one thing to say, "let's get
together someday" and quite another to actually do it. you don't really
think rosena is a bad person just because she couldn't make herself actually
do it, do you? i think you should cut her some slack here instead of trying
so hard to make her feel worse than she already does.
just my 2 cents.
.
|
|
|
| User: "Luna" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
03 May 2005 07:13:33 PM |
|
|
"Used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:%_Rde.36718$h6.27163@tornado.texas.rr.com...
<snip>
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
but alan, you are talking about DEPRESSED people! surely you don't have the
same expectations of a bunch of depressed people than you do normies? i just
know from my own experience that meeting strangers (even ppl i "know" on the
internet) is more intensely terrifying than i can really put words to. and
alot of us here feel that way. it's one thing to say, "let's get together
someday" and quite another to actually do it. you don't really think rosena
is a bad person just because she couldn't make herself actually do it, do you?
i think you should cut her some slack here instead of trying so hard to make
her feel worse than she already does.
just my 2 cents.
Exactly, I agree with you totally Cindy. I think Alan was quite hurt by Rosena
not reaching out but really, Alan, you shouldn't take it personally. Ah the
wire crossage going on here is really sad - hurt feelings, rejection, it's
really all about the illness though.
Jean
.
|
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
04 May 2005 01:49:28 AM |
|
|
In message <fKCdnRe1WYQ8juXfRVn-uQ@rogers.com>, Luna
<lunajean@gmail.com> writes
"Used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:%_Rde.36718$h6.27163@tornado.texas.rr.com...
<snip>
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
but alan, you are talking about DEPRESSED people! surely you don't have the
same expectations of a bunch of depressed people than you do normies?
i just
know from my own experience that meeting strangers (even ppl i "know" on the
internet) is more intensely terrifying than i can really put words to. and
alot of us here feel that way. it's one thing to say, "let's get together
someday" and quite another to actually do it. you don't really think rosena
is a bad person just because she couldn't make herself actually do
it, do you?
i think you should cut her some slack here instead of trying so hard to make
her feel worse than she already does.
just my 2 cents.
Exactly, I agree with you totally Cindy. I think Alan was quite hurt
by Rosena
not reaching out but really, Alan, you shouldn't take it personally. Ah the
wire crossage going on here is really sad - hurt feelings, rejection, it's
really all about the illness though.
And how much slack do you cut for other people who have severe
depression and disabling anxiety? I'm *expected* to pay for someone to
come with me if I go to strange places - I could lose money if I don't.
And if someone does something to you, what can it be but personal? I was
the only one she was dealing with - it wasn't scatter-gun - just me.
Yes, I have a problem with this. Part of the problem is that Rosena
seems not to have. It is going to be hard for her to make and keep
friends is she doesn't change, and no amount of praise is going to
change that.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "GlennT" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
04 May 2005 07:24:03 AM |
|
|
Alan Harding wrote:
In message <fKCdnRe1WYQ8juXfRVn-uQ@rogers.com>, Luna
<lunajean@gmail.com> writes
"Used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:%_Rde.36718$h6.27163@tornado.texas.rr.com...
<snip>
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
but alan, you are talking about DEPRESSED people! surely you don't
have the
same expectations of a bunch of depressed people than you do normies?
i just
know from my own experience that meeting strangers (even ppl i "know"
on the
internet) is more intensely terrifying than i can really put words
to. and
alot of us here feel that way. it's one thing to say, "let's get
together
someday" and quite another to actually do it. you don't really think
rosena
is a bad person just because she couldn't make herself actually do
it, do you?
i think you should cut her some slack here instead of trying so hard
to make
her feel worse than she already does.
just my 2 cents.
Exactly, I agree with you totally Cindy. I think Alan was quite hurt
by Rosena
not reaching out but really, Alan, you shouldn't take it personally.
Ah the
wire crossage going on here is really sad - hurt feelings, rejection,
it's
really all about the illness though.
And how much slack do you cut for other people who have severe
depression and disabling anxiety? I'm *expected* to pay for someone to
come with me if I go to strange places - I could lose money if I don't.
And if someone does something to you, what can it be but personal? I was
the only one she was dealing with - it wasn't scatter-gun - just me.
Yes, I have a problem with this. Part of the problem is that Rosena
seems not to have. It is going to be hard for her to make and keep
friends is she doesn't change, and no amount of praise is going to
change that.
I've only met one person from ASD, Janneke. If she hadn't turned
up or made the effort I would have been very disappointed. Yet I
haven't been a very good friend since. I haven't made the effort
to keep things going. I don't put myself on the line often...
very rarely in fact. I could have met you or Michael and wanted
to... but I wasn't prepared to put myself on the line. Not sure
where I'm going with this except to say you sound very genuinely
hurt. Rosena is discovering her reality I think. She seems to
live on the edge dodging or slamming into emotions she doesn't
understand or know what to do with. It was a mismatch more than a
failure. A question of timing perhaps?
I think myself and others are wondering what has upset you so
much. Is it Rosena or something beyond that situation?
I won't be disappointed if you ignore this completely. I have no
idea what I am really trying to say.
GlennT
.
|
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
04 May 2005 08:35:14 AM |
|
|
In message <E93ee.3703$Od6.508338@news.xtra.co.nz>, GlennT
<askme@noname.com> writes
I've only met one person from ASD, Janneke. If she hadn't turned up or
made the effort I would have been very disappointed. Yet I haven't been
a very good friend since. I haven't made the effort to keep things
going. I don't put myself on the line often... very rarely in fact. I
could have met you or Michael and wanted to... but I wasn't prepared to
put myself on the line. Not sure where I'm going with this except to
say you sound very genuinely hurt. Rosena is discovering her reality I
think. She seems to live on the edge dodging or slamming into emotions
she doesn't understand or know what to do with. It was a mismatch more
than a failure. A question of timing perhaps?
I think myself and others are wondering what has upset you so much. Is
it Rosena or something beyond that situation?
I won't be disappointed if you ignore this completely. I have no idea
what I am really trying to say.
I don't know if I've always had a problem with being hurt, but I know
I'm still disabled by things that happened twenty years ago, at least.
Maybe that was a trigger to my depression; it certainly didn't help.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Luna" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
04 May 2005 05:03:26 PM |
|
|
"Alan Harding" <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:pciw9zCS+MeCFwHt@harding.demon.co.uk...
In message <E93ee.3703$Od6.508338@news.xtra.co.nz>, GlennT <askme@noname.com>
writes
<snip>
I think myself and others are wondering what has upset you so much. Is it
Rosena or something beyond that situation?
I won't be disappointed if you ignore this completely. I have no idea what I
am really trying to say.
I don't know if I've always had a problem with being hurt, but I know I'm
still disabled by things that happened twenty years ago, at least. Maybe that
was a trigger to my depression; it certainly didn't help.
I wouldn't be hurt by this, maybe that's where the jam-up in comprehension is.
I've been bailed on by the sweetest of asd people and I've been lucky in that I
never took it personally. I'm a bit of a bailer myself, maybe that's why I
don't feel hurt by it.
Sometimes it helps me with situations like this to be as logical as possible,
for example to understand that meeting someone is a lot of pressure and some
people just aren't in a place to handle it, it's not a personal thing at all.
I'd bet that is the case here.
It's like Glenn was saying about not putting forth the effort in maintaining the
connection - sometimes when you have isolating tendencies it's simply the
default mode, path of least resistance.
Jean
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
05 May 2005 01:49:37 AM |
|
|
In message <8pCdnRJ_Tsc_2-TfRVn-sA@rogers.com>, Luna
<lunajean@gmail.com> writes
"Alan Harding" <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:pciw9zCS+MeCFwHt@harding.demon.co.uk...
In message <E93ee.3703$Od6.508338@news.xtra.co.nz>, GlennT
<askme@noname.com>
writes
<snip>
I think myself and others are wondering what has upset you so much. Is it
Rosena or something beyond that situation?
I won't be disappointed if you ignore this completely. I have no idea what I
am really trying to say.
I don't know if I've always had a problem with being hurt, but I know I'm
still disabled by things that happened twenty years ago, at least.
Maybe that
was a trigger to my depression; it certainly didn't help.
I wouldn't be hurt by this, maybe that's where the jam-up in comprehension is.
I've been bailed on by the sweetest of asd people and I've been lucky
in that I
never took it personally. I'm a bit of a bailer myself, maybe that's why I
don't feel hurt by it.
Sometimes it helps me with situations like this to be as logical as possible,
for example to understand that meeting someone is a lot of pressure and some
people just aren't in a place to handle it, it's not a personal thing at all.
I'd bet that is the case here.
I've decided to remove the source - I've killed all of Rosena's threads.
Rosena never comments, other people object, so there's not much point
being tempted to help, is there? I don't need it.
It's like Glenn was saying about not putting forth the effort in
maintaining the
connection - sometimes when you have isolating tendencies it's simply the
default mode, path of least resistance.
I don't have isolating tendencies, but I do have problems in going to
places for the first time. I would have set myself up for a high Valium
day, but that's what it's there for; to deal with my anxiety when I
can't.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "GlennT" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
05 May 2005 01:30:09 AM |
|
|
Alan Harding wrote:
In message <E93ee.3703$Od6.508338@news.xtra.co.nz>, GlennT
<askme@noname.com> writes
I've only met one person from ASD, Janneke. If she hadn't turned up or
made the effort I would have been very disappointed. Yet I haven't
been a very good friend since. I haven't made the effort to keep
things going. I don't put myself on the line often... very rarely in
fact. I could have met you or Michael and wanted to... but I wasn't
prepared to put myself on the line. Not sure where I'm going with this
except to say you sound very genuinely hurt. Rosena is discovering her
reality I think. She seems to live on the edge dodging or slamming
into emotions she doesn't understand or know what to do with. It was a
mismatch more than a failure. A question of timing perhaps?
I think myself and others are wondering what has upset you so much. Is
it Rosena or something beyond that situation?
I won't be disappointed if you ignore this completely. I have no idea
what I am really trying to say.
I don't know if I've always had a problem with being hurt, but I know
I'm still disabled by things that happened twenty years ago, at least.
Maybe that was a trigger to my depression; it certainly didn't help.
No, I can imagine. Counselling has done wonders for me when it
comes to what was affecting me in my past. I realize I am very
lucky in this. It was like a switch that was just waiting to be
clicked. I also realize that is not the same for others who have
more complex problems.
Nobody likes being hurt, well some do but we are not talking
about them. Take care...
GlennT
.
|
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
05 May 2005 12:50:24 PM |
|
|
In message <T3jee.3947$Od6.539065@news.xtra.co.nz>, GlennT
<askme@noname.com> writes
Alan Harding wrote:
I don't know if I've always had a problem with being hurt, but I
know I'm still disabled by things that happened twenty years ago, at
least. Maybe that was a trigger to my depression; it certainly didn't
No, I can imagine. Counselling has done wonders for me when it comes to
what was affecting me in my past. I realize I am very lucky in this. It
was like a switch that was just waiting to be clicked. I also realize
that is not the same for others who have more complex problems.
Nobody likes being hurt, well some do but we are not talking about
them. Take care...
I knew someone would bring up Halle Berry in the leather with a whip.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "GlennT" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
05 May 2005 05:24:34 PM |
|
|
Alan Harding wrote:
In message <T3jee.3947$Od6.539065@news.xtra.co.nz>, GlennT
<askme@noname.com> writes
Alan Harding wrote:
I don't know if I've always had a problem with being hurt, but I
know I'm still disabled by things that happened twenty years ago, at
least. Maybe that was a trigger to my depression; it certainly didn't
No, I can imagine. Counselling has done wonders for me when it comes
to what was affecting me in my past. I realize I am very lucky in
this. It was like a switch that was just waiting to be clicked. I also
realize that is not the same for others who have more complex problems.
Nobody likes being hurt, well some do but we are not talking about
them. Take care...
I knew someone would bring up Halle Berry in the leather with a whip.
Ain't she hot though? I also liked Michelle Pfiefer (sp) as
Catwoman. Yummmm!
GlennT
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
04 May 2005 01:16:58 AM |
|
|
In message <%_Rde.36718$h6.27163@tornado.texas.rr.com>, Used2be
<used2be@nowhere.com> writes
"Alan Harding" <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:l0vzngZrGydCFw89@harding.demon.co.uk...
In message <Dtyde.51029$hu5.2894@tornado.texas.rr.com>, Used2be
<used2be@nowhere.com> writes
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote
Got to work on that . . .I hope you are not mad at me
i think he's making it pretty clear that he isn't going to forgive you for
not "visiting" him while you were in the uk. why didn't he just come to
visit you, btw?
you are too nice, rosena.
I would have been the one who travelled, but I had no idea where to go.
Rosena had my phone number and address - I gave them to her before she
left for York, or as soon as she got there. She did not reciprocate. I got
an e-mail when she left apologising for not seeing me. That was almost all
the contact she made. I only found out how she was doing from posts in
asd.
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
but alan, you are talking about DEPRESSED people! surely you don't have the
same expectations of a bunch of depressed people than you do normies? i
just know from my own experience that meeting strangers (even ppl i "know"
on the internet) is more intensely terrifying than i can really put words
to. and alot of us here feel that way. it's one thing to say, "let's get
together someday" and quite another to actually do it. you don't really
think rosena is a bad person just because she couldn't make herself actually
do it, do you? i think you should cut her some slack here instead of trying
so hard to make her feel worse than she already does.
I'm cutting her a lot of slack. I'm pointing out that she's going to
have a lot of trouble finding and keeping friends, because of her mental
condition. Anyone who says differently is setting her up for a fall.
Perhaps the reason I'm pessimistic is that I have experience of her
actions. If she's changed over the last year, good for her. But there's
no evidence that she has, is there?
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Rosena" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
05 May 2005 02:46:10 PM |
|
|
Alan has a point. I obviously have to "be there" in life to have a
life and I am so so isolated and not good at reaching out to people in
real concrete way . . . my friend (yes I have one friend left in RL) of
about 20 years is coming to be with me the weekend after my surgery and
I am scared to death though I have been super super tight with this
woman for years. She is an angel. Sweet, brillant, understanding, and
cool - very cool. And yet I am nervous.
I have to work on this. Am determined to work on this. Part of it will
be helped by recovering health and not being so exhausted. So hopeful
operation will in indirect way contribute to helping this isolation
problem (also easier to get about if can walk - but that's no excuse)
Again Alan - I am truly sorry.
Rosena
.
|
|
|
| User: "Whiskers" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
07 May 2005 01:26:14 PM |
|
|
On 2005-05-05, Rosena <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
snip
Again Alan - I am truly sorry.
Sometimes the sharp edges of our broken parts bump into the delicate
membranes exposed by the broken parts of another. Ouch :((
--
-- ^^^^^^^^^^
-- Whiskers
-- ~~~~~~~~~~
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Luna" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
03 May 2005 07:07:24 PM |
|
|
"Alan Harding" <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:l0vzngZrGydCFw89@harding.demon.co.uk...
In message <Dtyde.51029$hu5.2894@tornado.texas.rr.com>, Used2be
<used2be@nowhere.com> writes
"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote
Got to work on that . . .I hope you are not mad at me
i think he's making it pretty clear that he isn't going to forgive you for
not "visiting" him while you were in the uk. why didn't he just come to
visit you, btw?
you are too nice, rosena.
I would have been the one who travelled, but I had no idea where to go.
Rosena had my phone number and address - I gave them to her before she left
for York, or as soon as she got there. She did not reciprocate. I got an
e-mail when she left apologising for not seeing me. That was almost all the
contact she made. I only found out how she was doing from posts in asd.
No one who behaves like that is going to find it easy to make and keep
friends.
No, curses on her, she's behaving like a socially anxious depressed person. You
have been heckling her on this newsgroup about this for far too long, it's your
issue - let it go. You want to participate on this newsgroup then you cannot
take this stuff personally. Rosena struggles hard, cut her some slack.
I consider her a friend and I don't place any demands on her. I don't freak out
if she doesn't answer my email and she won't freak out if I don't answer hers.
It's nicer that way.
Jean
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Rosena" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
03 May 2005 06:32:03 PM |
|
|
Alan,
I am sorry. I had no idea you were so offended by me. It really is as
Cindy says -- I am just terrified of meeting people. I made a "friend"
here, another visiting professor and I could not bring myself to go to
a dinner with her or visit her and I adore her. It is just leftovers
from this breakdown recovery. I like you so much and I REALLY sincerely
apologize for offending you. I felt bad we did not meet and I wanted
to, I just couldn't bring myself to meet a new person. Ask Kim, we
have been friends for years but she really really tolerates me and I am
lucky to have her for I mess up all the time about phone or seeing each
other (its been five years). I am mortified. And again offer my
apologies.
Rosena
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Rosena" |
|
| Title: Re: *& |
03 May 2005 07:03:25 PM |
|
|
Thanks honey,
You understand perfectly - this kind of terror is hard for people to
understand. It makes me feel bad for there are many people here I care
about and would love to meet even though scared, but who I feel close
to even though I physically have problems holding a conversation in
person.
Funny, Pre-John I was really outgoing and loved being with people. I
think part of it is worrying people will mark me as weird, or sick, or
crazed - that somehow the damage shows on the outside - and that is,
for me, mortifying for I put much store by appearing "together" around
other humans.
Thanks
Rosena
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Related Articles |
|
|
