X-no-archive: Yes
I'm not sure exactly when I began to give up. I'm not even sure why it
would matter, as if finding the exact point in time could somehow
salvage what has become of my heart. Is it giving up or is it giving
in? Does the subtle difference actually change anything?
The point is, it no longer matters. I am not dead, I will not snuff
out what little quality that is left to my life, yet I am dead just
the same. The stars no longer give me hope. The smell of freshly cut
grass comes across my senses as a simple drudgery - just another chore
to be carried out. The laugher of my children no longer brings me much
joy.
I am failing them in my unhappiness. Just as I have failed my marriage
and just as I have failed myself.
I can no longer find a reason to live, yet at the same time, I can not
find a good reason to die. I am not in great constant pain, I have
only lost all hope that anything in my life will ever be different. I
have no great talents. I have nothing of value to offer the world or
my family. I am trapped in the house day after day, afraid to leave
and without the means to do so.
There is no point in continuing. It is hopeless.
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| User: "Charles" |
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| Title: Re: ... |
14 Sep 2005 11:29:46 PM |
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On Wed, 14 Sep 2005 23:52:12 -0400, pointless <x@y.z> wrote:
X-no-archive: Yes
I'm not sure exactly when I began to give up. I'm not even sure why it
would matter, as if finding the exact point in time could somehow
salvage what has become of my heart. Is it giving up or is it giving
in? Does the subtle difference actually change anything?
The point is, it no longer matters. I am not dead, I will not snuff
out what little quality that is left to my life, yet I am dead just
the same. The stars no longer give me hope. The smell of freshly cut
grass comes across my senses as a simple drudgery - just another chore
to be carried out. The laugher of my children no longer brings me much
joy.
I am failing them in my unhappiness. Just as I have failed my marriage
and just as I have failed myself.
I can no longer find a reason to live, yet at the same time, I can not
find a good reason to die. I am not in great constant pain, I have
only lost all hope that anything in my life will ever be different. I
have no great talents. I have nothing of value to offer the world or
my family. I am trapped in the house day after day, afraid to leave
and without the means to do so.
There is no point in continuing. It is hopeless.
Yes, we continue. Because it is what there is to do. Overwhelming
feelings of exhaustion, being "all used up." that's the nature of
this thing we call depression.
Are you in any kind of treatment? It really can help. Is there
anything in particular that you can identify that started this
downward cycle?
Have you been checked for medical problems, many of them can cause the
feelings you are expressing here?
Oh, yeah, welcome.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: ... |
15 Sep 2005 12:35:20 AM |
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There is a cause, but it may not be what you think. I've had similar
thoughts about myself as I was growing up, and I didn't get better
until I began taking medication. I would suggest beginning with a
psychiatrist and a therapist, who would be helpful in determining what
is making you feel this way.
There could be any number of causes, from medically related to
situational or organic depression. You can start to feeling better
right away with the right meds.
I hope it works well for you.
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