| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Rosena" |
| Date: |
13 Jun 2006 05:33:12 PM |
| Object: |
@ Bit Better @ |
See doctor on Thursday - earliest could get me in. Mentally, a bit
better since started teaching. Over and over I find out how isolation
really messes me up and yet I do it.
I am going to take everyone's advice and look for specialist in trauma
therapy. Well, I am looking now, just haven't been able to get
appointment yet. But really don't want to relive stuff. If Leif says
my father's name I go nuts, really nuts. And when John tries to put
things off on my dad, I go nuts.
Maria is playing drums - she is good. He he - she wants to start a
band. And she is having driving lessons from me. Boy it is hard to
believe that I posted here when she was only 6.
Noon Nick, how are performances? Jill, feeling any better? Jean did
you disappear again?
Everyone else? Alvin?
Rosena
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: @ Bit Better @ |
13 Jun 2006 05:44:37 PM |
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On 13 Jun 2006 15:33:12 -0700, "Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
I am going to take everyone's advice and look for specialist in trauma
therapy. Well, I am looking now, just haven't been able to get
appointment yet. But really don't want to relive stuff. If Leif says
my father's name I go nuts, really nuts. And when John tries to put
things off on my dad, I go nuts.
But that's the whole *point* of therapy, in a way.... to get to a
place where unavoidable memories don't make you go nuts any more. By
trying to avoid the past, you force yourself to relive it again and
again and again, a billion more times than you would if you were
somehow able to deal with it, once and for all.
Maybe that's not possible, but I sure think it's worth a shot.
Otherwise, you spend the rest of your life stuck between alternatives
that basically you cannot live with.
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: @ Bit Better @ |
13 Jun 2006 06:10:59 PM |
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Nina wrote:
On 13 Jun 2006 15:33:12 -0700, "Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
I am going to take everyone's advice and look for specialist in trauma
therapy. Well, I am looking now, just haven't been able to get
appointment yet. But really don't want to relive stuff. If Leif says
my father's name I go nuts, really nuts. And when John tries to put
things off on my dad, I go nuts.
But that's the whole *point* of therapy, in a way.... to get to a
place where unavoidable memories don't make you go nuts any more. By
trying to avoid the past, you force yourself to relive it again and
again and again, a billion more times than you would if you were
somehow able to deal with it, once and for all.
Nodding. Yes, of course I see this. And by avoiding it it does pop up
in real concrete ways that make me a bit crazy. Just for example, when
I miscarried our baby, it was very upsetting - it was an icky
miscarriage and you might recall John was cruel and the surgery. Well,
I just pushed past the grief and the anger because it was too much to
bear. And whenever something comes up to remind me of that time, I
crash very hard and am a twilight zone of "reliving" and yet pushing it
away.
Stuff with my parents . . . well we all have our horror stories. But I
just picked up and left at 11 and crushed it all in my mind. When my
dad died a few years ago I didn't go pack his things, there was no
service, someone took his body I don't even know who, and I was just
glad he was off the face of the earth (ugly huh?) . . .I just worry
that therapy - serious therapy - will rattle me to just an extent that
I can't function (you know dark before light).
BUT, I am going to do it. I have two more to call. I surely, like you
so patiently tell me year after year :) can't just keep doing "this."
Maybe that's not possible, but I sure think it's worth a shot.
Otherwise, you spend the rest of your life stuck between alternatives
that basically you cannot live with.
No, it is worth a shot. You know, there is a large part of me that I
think is still healthy in the sense that I truly want out of the cycle
and I can - sometimes - think of a future with Maria where there is
some kind of peace and contentment. I am not sure giddy joy is good
for me, I go off in the clouds. But a life that is steady and good. I
related to what a few said here. The scary stuff is the "urges" to
self-destruct that seem to come sudden and be beyond rational judgment.
But like I said, isolation increases it. So thank god I am teaching!
How are you Nina? Are things good with you and Michael? Not to pry,
but it must be big change for you and son and all. I hope you are real
happy because you really really deserve it.
Best
Rosena
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
|
| Title: Re: @ Bit Better @ |
14 Jun 2006 01:30:49 AM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1150240259.573099.85900@h76g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Nina wrote:
On 13 Jun 2006 15:33:12 -0700, "Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
I am going to take everyone's advice and look for specialist in
trauma
therapy. Well, I am looking now, just haven't been able to get
appointment yet. But really don't want to relive stuff. If Leif
says
my father's name I go nuts, really nuts. And when John tries to
put
things off on my dad, I go nuts.
BUT, I am going to do it. I have two more to call. I surely, like
you
so patiently tell me year after year :) can't just keep doing
"this."
I am glad to hear this. I think it is the right thing to do
(obviously), and I hope you find relief. You may find that the process
is not as unpleasant as you fear.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: @ Bit Better @ |
13 Jun 2006 09:35:14 PM |
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On 13 Jun 2006 16:10:59 -0700, "Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
Nina wrote:
On 13 Jun 2006 15:33:12 -0700, "Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
I am going to take everyone's advice and look for specialist in trauma
therapy. Well, I am looking now, just haven't been able to get
appointment yet. But really don't want to relive stuff. If Leif says
my father's name I go nuts, really nuts. And when John tries to put
things off on my dad, I go nuts.
But that's the whole *point* of therapy, in a way.... to get to a
place where unavoidable memories don't make you go nuts any more. By
trying to avoid the past, you force yourself to relive it again and
again and again, a billion more times than you would if you were
somehow able to deal with it, once and for all.
Nodding. Yes, of course I see this. And by avoiding it it does pop up
in real concrete ways that make me a bit crazy. Just for example, when
I miscarried our baby, it was very upsetting - it was an icky
miscarriage and you might recall John was cruel and the surgery. Well,
I just pushed past the grief and the anger because it was too much to
bear. And whenever something comes up to remind me of that time, I
crash very hard and am a twilight zone of "reliving" and yet pushing it
away.
Stuff with my parents . . . well we all have our horror stories. But I
just picked up and left at 11 and crushed it all in my mind. When my
dad died a few years ago I didn't go pack his things, there was no
service, someone took his body I don't even know who, and I was just
glad he was off the face of the earth (ugly huh?) . . .I just worry
that therapy - serious therapy - will rattle me to just an extent that
I can't function (you know dark before light).
But, really, are you functioning now? I mean, yeah, you glue things
together and do what you have to do, but I'm pretty sure that you'll
do that regardless. Coping when other people depend on you is a
pretty hard habit to break, especially when you *know* that there's no
one to rescue you. But it seems to me that what you do is glue the
pieces together with the weakest bonds, and it's only a matter of time
until they shatter again. That's part of why you do the same things
over and over. Serious therapy would be hard, yes, but it might be a
more permanent repair.
The other thing is, how many times have you said, I cannot do this, if
I do this it will kill me... and meant it... and then whatever it
was happened anyway, and you survived. I know I've done this more
times than I care to admit. And, no, that which does not kill us does
NOT necessarily make us stronger, but on the whole we're far more
resilient than we think. More resilient than we want to be, I
sometimes think.
BUT, I am going to do it. I have two more to call. I surely, like you
so patiently tell me year after year :) can't just keep doing "this."
Maybe that's not possible, but I sure think it's worth a shot.
Otherwise, you spend the rest of your life stuck between alternatives
that basically you cannot live with.
No, it is worth a shot. You know, there is a large part of me that I
think is still healthy in the sense that I truly want out of the cycle
and I can - sometimes - think of a future with Maria where there is
some kind of peace and contentment. I am not sure giddy joy is good
for me, I go off in the clouds. But a life that is steady and good. I
related to what a few said here. The scary stuff is the "urges" to
self-destruct that seem to come sudden and be beyond rational judgment.
But like I said, isolation increases it. So thank god I am teaching!
Isolation breeds FAR too much time to think, too much time to spin
ourselves off into irrationality.
How are you Nina? Are things good with you and Michael? Not to pry,
but it must be big change for you and son and all. I hope you are real
happy because you really really deserve it.
We are good. This is difficult; it's a huge adjustment for both of
us, and while it's good, it's not easy. But it gets better in one way
or another every day, and all of the things in life that are really
worth having require working at, I think. I consider myself very
lucky.
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