I am expecting an email from John - long story, nothing
good but heard through my friend that in a "few days" he
would be emailing me. I am not planning to respond. I have
told myself firmly not to respond no matter how angry he
makes me. I am trying not to think about it.

But . . . I am so angry, sometimes it just grips me by the
throat. Bascially it seems in life that I am a sucker for
any man who knows how to make a woman feel pretty,
delicate, and precious and can do it with some grace and
style. In other words, I am a mark for any and all good
looking grifters. I am superficial.

I feel . . .at peace sometimes in a very tiny small safe
world when I am stressing over a subordinate subjunctive
clause that contains also an indirect statement and
question . . .I feel a bit larger and still safe when I
send in edits to my publisher on a pretty okay article. My
little girl creeps into my bed and mumbles, "mommy your
awesommee:" as she drops to sleep (never tell her in
morning she said "mommy"), and I think, if I had stayed in
my sex-pistol-scene-of-insanity with John as we sought to
imitate the lewdness of Byron, I would have lost her - my
girl who needs me.

Anyone seen Blue Angle? Old film. That is what John did to
his professor. But so the ***** what? Done. I want to fly
again, I really really do. I want to sniff at the mention
of his name and then spin off to Flash Dance in oblivion of
the name I just heard. But the physical exhaustion affects
the spirit and the spirit is affected by the heart and the
heart is still shattered.

*****. If anyone would like to remind me that it is
emotional suicide (and potentially literal suicide) to
respond to the Devil, please do remind me. Silence. That
is what leaves even a small chance at life again: Silence
damn it Rosena who is too dull and dense to EVER get it.

Rosena

I am expecting an email from John - long story, nothing good but heard
through my friend that in a "few days" he would be emailing me. I am
not planning to respond. I have told myself firmly not to respond no
matter how angry he makes me. I am trying not to think about it.

I am expecting an email from John - long story, nothing good but
heard
through my friend that in a "few days" he would be emailing me. I
am
not planning to respond. I have told myself firmly not to respond no
matter how angry he makes me. I am trying not to think about it.

But . . . I am so angry, sometimes it just grips me by the throat.
Bascially it seems in life that I am a sucker for any man who knows
how
to make a woman feel pretty, delicate, and precious and can do it
with
some grace and style. In other words, I am a mark for any and all
good
looking grifters. I am superficial.

*****. If anyone would like to remind me that it is emotional
suicide
(and potentially literal suicide) to respond to the Devil, please do
remind me. Silence. That is what leaves even a small chance at life
again: Silence damn it Rosena who is too dull and dense to EVER get
it.

I am expecting an email from John - long story, nothing good but heard
through my friend that in a "few days" he would be emailing me. I am
not planning to respond. I have told myself firmly not to respond no
matter how angry he makes me. I am trying not to think about it.

But . . . I am so angry, sometimes it just grips me by the throat.
Bascially it seems in life that I am a sucker for any man who knows how
to make a woman feel pretty, delicate, and precious and can do it with
some grace and style. In other words, I am a mark for any and all good
looking grifters. I am superficial.