| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Rosena" |
| Date: |
27 Feb 2006 10:34:27 PM |
| Object: |
@ This is Exactly What I Mean @ |
Look out - I will make some of you vomit (EH Mark :) ). I am sitting
here typing as fast as I can with four different books trying to do
this four page paper on high art and Tudor Court culture which was due
by email to five people two hours ago. I am pushing myself and trying
to focus on this and to block out all that distracts me. I have ordered
Maria to silence - strict silence. No T.V., no music.
Suddenly on the radio the Death aria to Tristan and Isolde comes on. It
is on now. I feel the pull at my heart away from the work. It is the
ardor/death masterpiece of this world, and it means something to me.
Once, when John was in Berkeley and I was in Birmingham and he could
not call regularly given his family we agreed to listen to this piece
at the same time in our two different places so we could be together in
our minds locked in on each other in desperate love. We did and then
after the phone rang for he had run out of his family home to a phone
booth in the rain because the music had pulled him to need.
So I just briefly briefly pause on this and my concentration is almost
broken, but the rest of my mind is yelling at me "Rosena, damn't it -
focus, work - get this done - move PAST this, now move past this it is
a trap of melancholy that if you pause in will suck you down like
quicksand." Did anyone see Neverending Story and the lake of sorrows??
You can't givein, pause on it, look at it, consider it, entertain it
for a moment or all will be lost.
But I am so so so tierd of "it" being an internal battle a struggle, I
am tierd of the drama of it inside myself, of the largeness, vividness
of the color, power of the music, intensity of the emotion. I want
PEACE. Just simple ordinary calm peace.
I am going back to paper now. I hope no one vomited.
Rosena
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: @ This is Exactly What I Mean @ |
27 Feb 2006 10:46:43 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1141101267.805984.249660@z34g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
But I am so so so tierd of "it" being an internal battle a struggle,
I
am tierd of the drama of it inside myself, of the largeness,
vividness
of the color, power of the music, intensity of the emotion. I want
PEACE. Just simple ordinary calm peace.
I am going back to paper now. I hope no one vomited.
Rosena
Music has power to take us back in time. Fortunately, the song ends at
some point, and we move on. Congratulations on making it to the end of
the song, and moving on.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: @ This is Exactly What I Mean @ |
27 Feb 2006 11:45:45 PM |
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Thanks Nom,
I am almost done, a paragraph to go - then I am done tonight!!
Best as always to you
Rosena
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: @ This is Exactly What I Mean @ |
03 Mar 2006 01:31:37 AM |
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Rosena <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
Suddenly on the radio the Death aria to Tristan and Isolde comes on. It
is on now. I feel the pull at my heart away from the work. It is the
ardor/death masterpiece of this world, and it means something to me.
<snip details>
It's what Dr. Carnes calls a "trigger" It's hard to
learn to defuse a trigger even when a trigger has
much less intense associations that the Wagner has
for you.
of the color, power of the music, intensity of the emotion. I want
PEACE. Just simple ordinary calm peace.
Serenity is another word.
--
but the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In... HST (1967)
when i got to the edge , i built a deck % (2005)
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: @ This is Exactly What I Mean @ |
27 Feb 2006 10:38:36 PM |
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oh poor you
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