| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Rosena" |
| Date: |
09 Oct 2005 08:43:26 PM |
| Object: |
@ Update Maria @ |
Okay - I am listening hard to what you all are saying so comment if you
think needed,
I talked with Maria with her father. She said it was an experiment,
only been a couple of weeks, she wasn't doing it anymore. I told her
flate and soft voiced that I didn't believe her. I told her she was
starting therapy this next week (we have already called a teen
specialist) and she said fine and didn't balk. I told her no locked
doors, she said fine. She was very agitated. She refused to show us her
arms or legs.
Thinking about what you all have said about taking charge etc. I
insisted, but her father said she didn't have to right now. She said
she would show us at therapy. I do not want to wait. So after she is
asleep tonight I am going to check her arms and legs. I want to see how
bad it is. From the amount of blood stained tissue and many blades and
the book (and I found web sites about cutting she has been looking at)
I fear the worse.
She is shut down and just wanting to talk to friends on phone. These
girls are good kids, good students etc. so I think good influence. She
did eat dinner with us and sounds happy on phone.
So . . .I told her how much I lover her, to try to play drums more,
that she was safe etc. But I took Slunky's advice and did not try to
do a "therapy" session on my own. I was very firm however that this
was not a solution and that she is in deep water and I would make sure
she did not sink. Therapy is Wednesday I think and got to go from
there.
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Rosena
P.S. Leif and I have a pact to NEVER argue in front of her again and to
save it for private. I am going to check at school tomorrow for
therapy for myself. I am sorry, maybe not a good mom, but this shakes
me up.
.
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
10 Oct 2005 03:30:58 AM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1128908606.908667.136710@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Okay - I am listening hard to what you all are saying so comment if you
think needed,
I talked with Maria with her father. She said it was an experiment,
only been a couple of weeks, she wasn't doing it anymore. I told her
flate and soft voiced that I didn't believe her. I told her she was
starting therapy this next week (we have already called a teen
specialist) and she said fine and didn't balk. I told her no locked
doors, she said fine. She was very agitated. She refused to show us her
arms or legs.
Thinking about what you all have said about taking charge etc. I
insisted, but her father said she didn't have to right now. She said
she would show us at therapy. I do not want to wait. So after she is
asleep tonight I am going to check her arms and legs. I want to see how
bad it is. From the amount of blood stained tissue and many blades and
the book (and I found web sites about cutting she has been looking at)
I fear the worse.
She is shut down and just wanting to talk to friends on phone. These
girls are good kids, good students etc. so I think good influence. She
did eat dinner with us and sounds happy on phone.
So . . .I told her how much I lover her, to try to play drums more,
that she was safe etc. But I took Slunky's advice and did not try to
do a "therapy" session on my own. I was very firm however that this
was not a solution and that she is in deep water and I would make sure
she did not sink. Therapy is Wednesday I think and got to go from
there.
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
I wonder if you could have a session with the teen specialist person to ask
them what would be best? Then look at it from your own perspective and
figure out how to handle it.
One thing about cutting, leaving blades and bloody tissues around - could it
be, as they say, an attempt to get attention?
I also still like Nom's suggestion that you get someone to talk to yourself.
Good luck, Rosena. What a lot of worry and fear you must be feeling.
Jean
Rosena
P.S. Leif and I have a pact to NEVER argue in front of her again and to
save it for private. I am going to check at school tomorrow for
therapy for myself. I am sorry, maybe not a good mom, but this shakes
me up.
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
|
| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
10 Oct 2005 12:44:36 AM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1128908606.908667.136710@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Rosena
Excellent.
--
Rhi
.
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
10 Oct 2005 09:10:08 AM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1128908606.908667.136710@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Okay - I am listening hard to what you all are saying so comment if you
think needed,
I talked with Maria with her father. She said it was an experiment,
only been a couple of weeks, she wasn't doing it anymore. I told her
flate and soft voiced that I didn't believe her. I told her she was
starting therapy this next week (we have already called a teen
specialist) and she said fine and didn't balk. I told her no locked
doors, she said fine. She was very agitated. She refused to show us her
arms or legs.
Thinking about what you all have said about taking charge etc. I
insisted, but her father said she didn't have to right now. She said
she would show us at therapy. I do not want to wait. So after she is
asleep tonight I am going to check her arms and legs. I want to see how
bad it is. From the amount of blood stained tissue and many blades and
the book (and I found web sites about cutting she has been looking at)
I fear the worse.
She is shut down and just wanting to talk to friends on phone. These
girls are good kids, good students etc. so I think good influence. She
did eat dinner with us and sounds happy on phone.
So . . .I told her how much I lover her, to try to play drums more,
that she was safe etc. But I took Slunky's advice and did not try to
do a "therapy" session on my own. I was very firm however that this
was not a solution and that she is in deep water and I would make sure
she did not sink. Therapy is Wednesday I think and got to go from
there.
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Rosena
P.S. Leif and I have a pact to NEVER argue in front of her again and to
save it for private. I am going to check at school tomorrow for
therapy for myself. I am sorry, maybe not a good mom, but this shakes
me up.
this is awesome, rosena. i think you are taking control and that is the 1st
step. she's just a little girl. she can't make these kind of decisions!!!
she shouldn't be expected to. you are a good mom rosena because you care
and because you are trying to be different than your own mother. maybe you
didn't have the best role model growing up (okay, let's face it...your mom
SUCKED at motherhood), but that doesn't automatically destine you to be a
bad mother as well. you just have to make different choices. and do lots
of research. and look to RL mothers around you whom you admire for advice.
not just here, but all around you. find people that you respect and admire,
and talk to them about how they handle troubled teens. also, there are many
awesome books on the subject as well. arm yourself with knowledge, girl.
my oldest daughter had a friend who was cutting terribly a few years back,
and she ran away from home and ended up at our house. my husband helped her
meet with her family and they got her into therapy right away, and she was
able to stop cutting almost immediately. that is why i think you need to
jump on this, rosena. if you let it go, it's just going to get worse. if
you take charge and get help for her now, she has better odds of giving up
the behavior.
it is so hard becoming a teenager. it's one of the most horrible things in
life. it's hard on the pre-teen her/himself, and hard on the mother who has
to watch. i wish you well, my dear.
don't ever give up!!!
~u2b
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
10 Oct 2005 12:40:59 AM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1128908606.908667.136710@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
So after she is
asleep tonight I am going to check her arms and legs. I want to see how
bad it is. From the amount of blood stained tissue and many blades and
the book (and I found web sites about cutting she has been looking at)
I fear the worse.
You'll lose all trust from her and it will be seen as a massively personal
invasion.
.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
09 Oct 2005 09:30:01 PM |
|
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Hi Rosena,
Just some suggestions. A first thought might be to try homeschooling
for Maria. I'm not very familiar with this but it would keep her away
from negative influences at school. I've also wondered if the internet
may be source of influence, as well as people you know and trust. Its
really hard to know what's bothering a child if you don't know who's
causing it. There is internet software as well as family-based ISPs,
that have this built in to their network. She still could get with the
wrong group of people, but at least you could monitor her activities.
I had problems in school but didn't start to have any serious problems
until later in college, when I had to be hospitalized and put on
medication. I would try to leave as much of the counseling off the
internet and kept between the therapist, her and the family. It might
also be positive for her for you to attend some of her sessions, it
might help rebuild some of her trust and confidence in you again.
I hope this is helpful. It's hard to stay safe on the internet. You're
a good mom, don't doubt that. I sometimes struck out at my mom for no
appearant reason but now I don't know where I would be without her
being there.
David
Rosena wrote:
Okay - I am listening hard to what you all are saying so comment if you
think needed,
I talked with Maria with her father. She said it was an experiment,
only been a couple of weeks, she wasn't doing it anymore. I told her
flate and soft voiced that I didn't believe her. I told her she was
starting therapy this next week (we have already called a teen
specialist) and she said fine and didn't balk. I told her no locked
doors, she said fine. She was very agitated. She refused to show us her
arms or legs.
Thinking about what you all have said about taking charge etc. I
insisted, but her father said she didn't have to right now. She said
she would show us at therapy. I do not want to wait. So after she is
asleep tonight I am going to check her arms and legs. I want to see how
bad it is. From the amount of blood stained tissue and many blades and
the book (and I found web sites about cutting she has been looking at)
I fear the worse.
She is shut down and just wanting to talk to friends on phone. These
girls are good kids, good students etc. so I think good influence. She
did eat dinner with us and sounds happy on phone.
So . . .I told her how much I lover her, to try to play drums more,
that she was safe etc. But I took Slunky's advice and did not try to
do a "therapy" session on my own. I was very firm however that this
was not a solution and that she is in deep water and I would make sure
she did not sink. Therapy is Wednesday I think and got to go from
there.
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Rosena
P.S. Leif and I have a pact to NEVER argue in front of her again and to
save it for private. I am going to check at school tomorrow for
therapy for myself. I am sorry, maybe not a good mom, but this shakes
me up.
.
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| User: "Bev Thornton" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
09 Oct 2005 09:11:17 PM |
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On 2005-10-10, Rosena wrote:
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Wednesday is soon.
If you go sneak in her room, fiddling around to look at her arms and legs,
what if she wakes up?
--
<bevthornton@bigfoot.com> Support: <http://www.tzuchi.org/>
<http://www.cdc.gov/flu/toolkit/>
Anger disappears as soon as resentment is forgotten.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
09 Oct 2005 09:29:43 PM |
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"Bev Thornton" <051009190845.4.bev@xoxy.net> wrote in message
news:slrndkjjer.sq9.x@this.domain.invalid...
On 2005-10-10, Rosena wrote:
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Wednesday is soon.
If you go sneak in her room, fiddling around to look at her arms and legs,
what if she wakes up?
--
<bevthornton@bigfoot.com> Support: <http://www.tzuchi.org/>
<http://www.cdc.gov/flu/toolkit/>
Anger disappears as soon as resentment is forgotten.
what if she doesn't
.
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
10 Oct 2005 09:00:21 AM |
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"%" <Persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:dicjlc$e2s$1@domitilla.aioe.org...
"Bev Thornton" <051009190845.4.bev@xoxy.net> wrote in message
news:slrndkjjer.sq9.x@this.domain.invalid...
On 2005-10-10, Rosena wrote:
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have normal
evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to Wednesday and let her
begin therapy for digging at issues?
Wednesday is soon.
If you go sneak in her room, fiddling around to look at her arms and
legs,
what if she wakes up?
--
<bevthornton@bigfoot.com> Support:
<http://www.tzuchi.org/>
<http://www.cdc.gov/flu/toolkit/>
Anger disappears as soon as resentment is forgotten.
what if she doesn't
amen!! she's just a child for heaven's sake. it's totally OKAY for her
MOTHER to go in and check on her!!!!!
geez!!!!!!!!!!
.
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
10 Oct 2005 10:08:15 AM |
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On 9 Oct 2005 18:43:26 -0700, "Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
P.S. Leif and I have a pact to NEVER argue in front of her again and to
save it for private. I am going to check at school tomorrow for
therapy for myself. I am sorry, maybe not a good mom, but this shakes
me up.
I think that this is the bottom line on a lot of this. You cannot
afford to continue to avoid therapy and dealing substantively with
your own issues. Otherwise what happens is that you continue the
cycle, generation after generation.
You have to stop saying things like, I'm not a good mom. It's not the
point. You are her mother, and you have to do what is best for her,
and part of that is taking care of yourself, because you can't be
there for her if you aren't more well.
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: @ Update Maria @ |
09 Oct 2005 09:52:38 PM |
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Rosena wrote...
Okay - I am listening hard to what you all are saying so
comment if you think needed,
I talked with Maria with her father. She said it was an
experiment, only been a couple of weeks, she wasn't doing
it anymore. I told her flate and soft voiced that I didn't
believe her. I told her she was starting therapy this next
week (we have already called a teen specialist) and she
said fine and didn't balk. I told her no locked doors, she
said fine. She was very agitated. She refused to show us
her arms or legs.
Thinking about what you all have said about taking charge
etc. I insisted, but her father said she didn't have to
right now. She said she would show us at therapy. I do not
want to wait. So after she is asleep tonight I am going to
check her arms and legs. I want to see how bad it is. From
the amount of blood stained tissue and many blades and the
book (and I found web sites about cutting she has been
looking at) I fear the worse.
She is shut down and just wanting to talk to friends on
phone. These girls are good kids, good students etc. so I
think good influence. She did eat dinner with us and
sounds happy on phone.
So . . .I told her how much I lover her, to try to play
drums more, that she was safe etc. But I took Slunky's
advice and did not try to do a "therapy" session on my own.
I was very firm however that this was not a solution and
that she is in deep water and I would make sure she did not
sink. Therapy is Wednesday I think and got to go from
there.
So - was this okay? Push her to talk more or let her have
normal evening and just be attentive? Okay to wait to
Wednesday and let her begin therapy for digging at issues?
Rosena
P.S. Leif and I have a pact to NEVER argue in front of her
again and to save it for private. I am going to check at
school tomorrow for therapy for myself. I am sorry, maybe
not a good mom, but this shakes me up.
i wouldn't push her to show her arms and legs. she's probably
mortified enough that you know her secret, and that's a worse
embarassment. it's bad for me when medical professionals see
my scars. i'd never have shown my cuts to my parents, under
any circumstances.
-lisa
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