Hi everyone. I am in my first year of college at UConn. Generally life
is pretty good but ever since I could remember I have had behavioural
and emotional problems with my life. I was raised in a very rich and
loving family. I have also worked hard all my life for things that I
own and my skills (most as a musician). However, it seems these days
music is my only escape in life. It doesn't matter what is happening or
what I am doing, I never seem to be satisfied with anything. I am
losing weight for no reason, I have less energy, and my body seems to
ache often. There have been nights where I hit all time lows and just
lock myself in my room and listen to music or write lyrics or guitar
lines for hours. Though productive, I always feel completely down for
no reason at all. I am a very perfectionistic person, and I have had
behavioral cognative therapy before to treat anxiety. But I do not
blame anxiety. Recently I gave a concert with me on lead guitar in
front of nearly 1000 people and had an absolutely great time. But my
mood swings from almost a euphoric, talkative, funny, awesome person to
a low, *****, angry, tired, and agitated one. Occassionally my
anxiety has set off panic attacks which scare the hell out of me. I do
not have any real triggers that I am aware of. I have had good
relationships with friends, family, and girls in my life. It's not
that. It just seems that everything has almost lost the point. I have
no patience any more, and it seems to be getting worse and worse. I
find writing about it, or typing it like I am now almost theraputic, so
thanks for listening. My mother seems to think a small dose of
medication is in order, but I feel that by going that route I am being
a defeatist. I find myself anxious, depressed, and apathetic quite
often. I beat myself up constantly. In music terms, I am never happy
until I have completely mastered a peice, even if it's a very difficult
classical peice that might take months or even years to learn. By
acting like this, I essentially can't get anything done..and the cylce
goes on and on. I want to know if this will ever end. I realize it is
the way I am thinking of what is around me..but I feel as though I am
trapped in a Glass Prison that nobody but I can see. It is a very
strange feeling knowing that all these feeling are in my head. I know
kids who are nowhere as near as smart, talented, or good looking as I
am, yet I can't get over how happy they are. To me that is the ultimate
thing that makes me upset. Step 1: I admit I have a problem, and my
life would be so much better if I could get it back. Please post any
comments! Thanks

-D

comments! Thanks

-D

Hi everyone. I am in my first year of college at UConn. Generally life
is pretty good but ever since I could remember I have had behavioural
and emotional problems with my life. I was raised in a very rich and
loving family. I have also worked hard all my life for things that I
own and my skills (most as a musician). However, it seems these days
music is my only escape in life. It doesn't matter what is happening or
what I am doing, I never seem to be satisfied with anything. I am
losing weight for no reason, I have less energy, and my body seems to
ache often.

find writing about it, or typing it like I am now almost theraputic, so
thanks for listening. My mother seems to think a small dose of
medication is in order, but I feel that by going that route I am being
a defeatist.

Step 1: I admit I have a problem, and my
life would be so much better if I could get it back. Please post any
comments! Thanks