My kids almost refuse to help around the house. My youngest
especially. The fact he has ADHD doesn't help, but both of my kids
that are at home won't help and if they do do something, we have to
stand over them to have it done even remotely as it should be. Yes, I
am allowing for the fact that they are 11 and 9 and won't do it as well
as I would like things done. I'm not expecting perfection, but an
adequate job. But they won't do practically anything. I've tried
allowances, privileges, different reward/consequence type things to
motivate them. It doesn't help that the oldest at home is full of
attitude and if it isn't something she wants to hear she gets in my or
my bf's face. I wish there was a type of obedience and chore school to
take them too. I remember a long time ago there would be classes for
kids teaching manners. I'm to the point I would pay for classes on
basic dusting, cleaning bathrooms, sweeping floors, bedmaking etc.
They won't listen or follow my directions and when I point out huge
areas of filth left I get "I can't do anything right!", or "I can't
ever please you!" to get out of learning it right. Again, I do give
lots and lots of room for things not done up to par due to age and
experience. I know my oldest 2 kids could dust, do a basic decent
clean of a bathroom, could sweep floors and mop them or clean them
hands on knees decently. My ex was involved as a dictator to some
extent causing them to learn these things. They weren't as done as
well as I wanted in some areas but at least a passable level. I know I
had to do much more then my older and my younger kids did put together
in a shorter amount of time. I'm now working full time plus some
overtime often times. Throw in the fact we living in a house that
builds up dust due to be an older rental house with lots of problems,
living in 2 bedrooms when we need at least 3, keeping some order and
cleaniness is important. Also my youngest has horrible allergies and
is asthmatic so the dust and sweeping needs to be done much more
frequently due to that and the setting which invites 4 times the normal
dust and grime than my apartment did or some place newer and not in a
rural setting. I also have too many physical limitations due to
chronic back problems so I need their help. They think I'm a *****,
nag, you name it. I tell them if they would pitch in and help I would
have more energy to do thing with them and wouldn't have reason to nag
and that's how I would like it to be. I would much rather spend my
time with them doing fun things than how things are. Right now they
like me going to work because they know they get out of having to do
things, get to watch tv, play computer and all that and don't get my
nagging because my bf doesn't quite feel he has the authority to make
them do things (which he does), but I don't think he has the patience
or motivation to push them to enforce what I expect. OTOH, he wants
them doing more too. His former gf's kids did all the above and more
without being told, he didn't have to live in the filth we're living in
which leads to that nasty comparison and inferiority crap on my part.
It's not a factor in how I treat my kids, it just adds to my own
feeling like ***** about myself and my parenting skills. knowing not
only does he know I"m a ***** up on training my kids, but I get on to my
kids too much and lose my temper. I always hear that even though his
ex was a biatch to him who really did him wrong, at least she was a
good mother, he can't down that. I have a 11 year old with a horrible
temper and attitude and now won't do much. Her mouth is out of
control. I have a 9 year old going on 6 or 7 and is whiney, won't
listen and everything is "I can't". He's picky, throws fits and is so
lazy. He's very quirky too. Not that it's about comparison, but I am
terrible about doing that and I do. Especially hearing so much about
her kids, I know mine don't even come close. Not that he treats them
bad, he loves and cares for them. This is a reflection on me and my
terrible parenting skills, my temper, depression and toll all of my
depression has taken on the kids (doesn't help their real dad dropping
out approx 3 to 4 years ago completely out). This is a reflection on
me continuing to be a ***** up.

But really? It's not about saving face in reguards to needing them to
learn responsiblity. It's about me wanting them to learn it so they
are prepared for life. It's about as a family unit I need their help.
They are more than old enough to do this stuff, they just won't.

Any place that will train your kids discipline and how to do chores and
stuff? Besides 15 to 25 grand a year military school which I can't
afford. It's almost like school I think, where as they wouldn't sit
down for me and learn history from me, but in school, being ready to
please the teacher, they will buckle down and work. I'm just mom,
who's lost a lot of respect, divorcing their dad, losing their sister,
they feel thanks to me, broke down emotionally last year shutting down
completely, constant back pain, needing meds to function. I feel I
have no respect in their eyes. They don't act as if they have any and
won't listen or follow through with my instructions. I try to sit down
and show them exactly how to do things and it's an eye roll, "I know, I
know" response. Then they still just rub the grime around in the
shortest amount of time possible and when I correct them on why it
isn't acceptable, I get the martyer "nothing is ever good enough for
you". Or almost a pay back type thing, I tell them what I want done,
or write it down and they continue to make me stand over them till it's
done where I can't get anything done. After I told them step by step
how things need to be.

help!?!?