| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Michael" |
| Date: |
14 Dec 2004 02:01:45 AM |
| Object: |
all of the best things in life are behind glass |
I found out a couple weeks ago that one of my friends and his wife are
expecting a baby and it turns out that they've been trying ever since
they got married this past summer... Out of all of us, I thought
he'd be the least likely to spawn! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy
for them but at the same time I'm jealous.
A few things triggered this rut I'm in and this was one of them. My
quasi-relationship partner and I have talked about being together
someday (long story, another time) and it came out that we both wanted
children- something I was dead set against in the past. This person
made me realize how much I'd love to be a father and I honestly
can't imagine a more loving mother than her. We'll have to wait
years before anything can happen and I don't know if I can do that.
I turned thirty this past August and my dad was thirty-six when I came
along; looking back at everything, the generation gap was just too wide
for the both of us...
I've had dreams about playing with a baby now and then over the past
few months, extra vivid dreams where I woke up disappointed.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 03:19:17 AM |
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Michael <JTMarshall622@aol.com> wrote, inter alia:
A few things triggered this rut I'm in and this was one of them....
this is a Major Issue though, not surprised that you find
your friends' situation is on your mind a lot
I've had dreams about playing with a baby now and then over the past
few months, extra vivid dreams where I woke up disappointed.
quite understandable
P.S. your Subject line expressed what I've often felt, no doubt
others also
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| User: "Michael" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 05:16:54 PM |
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Sometimes I'll be doing everyday things and all of a sudden the thought
in my head is, "it should be me."
The subject line is from a favorite song, "My Life Is A Succession Of
People Saying Goodbye."
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| User: "Michael" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 04:32:19 PM |
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The subject line is from a favorite song, "My Life Is A Succession Of
People Saying Goodbye." I find Morrissey has said everything I've ever
felt, but not everyone thinks he's quite their cup of tea!
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| User: "Michael" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 05:04:37 PM |
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The subject line is from a favorite song, "My Life Is A Succession Of
People Saying Goodbye." I find Morrissey has said everything I've ever
felt, but not everyone thinks he's quite their cup of tea!
.
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| User: "Michael" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 05:07:37 PM |
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The subject line is from a favorite song, "My Life Is A Succession Of
People Saying Goodbye." I find Morrissey has said everything I've ever
felt, but not everyone thinks he's quite their cup of tea!
.
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| User: "Michael" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 05:10:05 PM |
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The subject line is from a favorite song, "My Life Is A Succession Of
People Saying Goodbye." Morrissey has said everything I've ever felt,
but not everyone seems to think he's so great... I do!
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 04:16:38 AM |
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Michael wrote:
I found out a couple weeks ago that one of my friends and his wife are
expecting a baby and it turns out that they've been trying ever since
they got married this past summer... Out of all of us, I thought
he'd be the least likely to spawn! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy
for them but at the same time I'm jealous.
A few things triggered this rut I'm in and this was one of them. My
quasi-relationship partner and I have talked about being together
someday (long story, another time) and it came out that we both wanted
children- something I was dead set against in the past. This person
made me realize how much I'd love to be a father and I honestly
can't imagine a more loving mother than her. We'll have to wait
years before anything can happen and I don't know if I can do that.
I turned thirty this past August and my dad was thirty-six when I came
along; looking back at everything, the generation gap was just too wide
for the both of us...
I've had dreams about playing with a baby now and then over the past
few months, extra vivid dreams where I woke up disappointed.
My son from my first marriage is 26 and in jail for murder. Even
though the truth is so different than the dream I still believe
in the dream.
We think of fatherhood in photo fashion until we experience it
first hand. In reality it is not a photo but a never ending movie
that we often play an unwilling part.
The baby years are cute and then the toddler years less so. As
they grow older the perfect dream of fatherhood starts to
resemble a bit of a nightmare. The job seems to be bigger than
even the most determined at many times. The independent spirit of
another becomes too powerful to control or even influence.
We let go, and then they fall. Sometimes they keep on falling.
You can experience all of this. Yet I strongly advise you to wait
until you are ready for the reality. Don't be jealous because
your friend has something you will never have. You will
eventually have something he can never have and that is the truth
about being a father.
My latest boys are 10 and 8. I was 36 when the first was born. I
know the challenge ahead of me and I am ready for it. They are
much loved happy children and they are going to be as secure and
loved as any sons could be for the rest of their lives. The rest
is up to them.
If you want to feel down, be my guest. Yet to me it is useless
doing it because you don't have kids. Having kids will make you
feel down enough.
GlennT
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| User: "Michael" |
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| Title: Re: all of the best things in life are behind glass |
14 Dec 2004 05:35:47 PM |
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GlennT wrote:
My son from my first marriage is 26 and in jail for murder. Even
though the truth is so different than the dream I still believe
in the dream.
I'm really sorry to hear about that, Glenn. My thoughts and prayers
are with you.
We think of fatherhood in photo fashion until we experience it
first hand. In reality it is not a photo but a never ending movie
that we often play an unwilling part.
I constantly tell myself it won't be the easiest thing in the world...
The baby years are cute and then the toddler years less so. As
they grow older the perfect dream of fatherhood starts to
resemble a bit of a nightmare. The job seems to be bigger than
even the most determined at many times. The independent spirit of
another becomes too powerful to control or even influence.
I'm not expecting it to be easy as pie; I think a lot about the things
I went through growing up and I also have a four year old great-nephew
that worries the hell out of me... (That's right, a great-nephew!) I
used to be hippiesh and think, "Would I wish this world on someone
else?" I may curse society, but there was never one point in my life
where I thought of trading my existence for release.
We let go, and then they fall. Sometimes they keep on falling.
You can experience all of this. Yet I strongly advise you to wait
until you are ready for the reality. Don't be jealous because
your friend has something you will never have. You will
eventually have something he can never have and that is the truth
about being a father.
I keep in mind this friend's situation... He blew a huge chunk of
financial aid and grant money on material posessions instead of on his
education. He paid for it by maxing out a few credit cards and
graduated about two years ago. How the hell they're ready for the
financial responsibility of children is beyond me, especially knowing
how much he's in debt. All I can do is wish him luck and be a friend.
My latest boys are 10 and 8. I was 36 when the first was born. I
know the challenge ahead of me and I am ready for it. They are
much loved happy children and they are going to be as secure and
loved as any sons could be for the rest of their lives. The rest
is up to them.
If you want to feel down, be my guest. Yet to me it is useless
doing it because you don't have kids. Having kids will make you
feel down enough.
Do you mean that I should enjoy myself while I'm still "free" in a
sense? I've done enough of that and I didn't quite care for it. I'm
looking forward to the challenge of a child, I thrive on things like
that. I mentioned my great-nephew... He's a sweet little boy growing
up without a father and it falls on my dad and me to be the influence
of what's right. I can't fathom him not being around and getting into
every kind of trouble imaginable... I want to be more than Uncle Mike,
I want to be Daddy. Don't worry, I'm patient. ...if you only knew...
GlennT
Cheers, Glenn... Cheers, Contrarian. I'll have a drink for you both
when I'm on my holiday bender...
Mike
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