| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"ponette" |
| Date: |
17 Mar 2005 11:18:46 AM |
| Object: |
An open post to RGB |
x-no-archive: yes
I hope I'm not putting you on the spot. Given all the nonsense that
has been blasted over my screen the last couple days about your posts,
I really wanted to let you know that one of the posts (or the story in
it combined with a few others) has always stuck with me, but not in a
negative manner.
Years back, you wrote about your experience with the car and the
exhaust...I won't describe further. I didn't walk away from reading
about that with any kind of sense that suicide is romantic; if
anything, it was a real wake up call to me. You showed how it isn't
necessarily something clean and quick, that it doesn't always work,
and how living with the damage (and the knowledge) can be terribly
hard. If you did anything, you transformed the concept of a suicide
attempt from a "romantic notion" into what it really is -- a horrific
experience with lasting effects. It made an indelible impression upon
me. And frankly, I've used it (very much in general and in brief) as a
cautionary tale for others. What you wrote made a difference. Don't
let the buzzards get you down.
p
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x-no-archive: yes is in the headers
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| User: "RGB" |
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| Title: Re: An open post to RGB |
17 Mar 2005 09:31:06 PM |
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In article <t0ej31923c59c1gnbetdjcd2q84trgoru8@4ax.com>,
ponette <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote:
Years back, you wrote about your experience with the car and the
exhaust...I won't describe further. I didn't walk away from reading
about that with any kind of sense that suicide is romantic; if
anything, it was a real wake up call to me. You showed how it isn't
necessarily something clean and quick, that it doesn't always work,
and how living with the damage (and the knowledge) can be terribly
hard. If you did anything, you transformed the concept of a suicide
attempt from a "romantic notion" into what it really is -- a horrific
experience with lasting effects. It made an indelible impression upon
me. And frankly, I've used it (very much in general and in brief) as a
cautionary tale for others. What you wrote made a difference. Don't
let the buzzards get you down.
Again, thanks for this.
Part of why I posted that link to that "peer predictor" (*snort*) New
Yorker article is that the author discusses just that aspect of bridge
jumping, the "romantic" idea some might have of swan-diving off into
space and just gracefully "crossing over" to another plane of being. It
ain't like that, it ain't like that at all, and some of those who've
survived report that they were disabused of those notions as soon as
their feet left the beam and they realized they were about to die a
horrible death. It's violent, and ugly, and God help you if you survive,
considering the kind of damage you do to yourself.
That was part of why I wrote about my own stuff, way back when. I *did*,
I suppose, have a kind of romanticized notion of suicide -- I even
picked a special tape to play, the way you might for a hot date. I
wanted to do the graceful crossing over thing. What I wasn't feeling or
thinking was all the ghastly and very unromantic realities I would leave
behind -- and possibly swim right into, if I didn't "succeed". What I
wasn't feeling or thinking was whatever finally kicked in and zapped me
back to life so I could stagger and crawl home in the rain (look, I'm
romanticizing again) with a brain full of poison and collapse on my
living room floor and maybe live and maybe die and maybe live half-dead
with permanent brain damage (what could be MORE romantic than that?)
I go back to those "romantic" feelings sometimes, because I still feel
echoes of them. But they have a real context now, and one that, I hope,
will keep me safe from myself for the rest of my natural life. I still
cringe a little whenever I smell exhaust fumes, and I value that
reaction and pay careful attention to it when it comes.
Bev will probably seize on certain passages from this post to feed his
Little Engine That Could and keep going on about how I'm trying to
entice people into committing suicide, and I would just like to right
here encourage anyone who agrees with him to say so. Because if he is
not 100% full of ***** on this particular point, I really want to know.
"Young Werther"
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: An open post to RGB |
18 Mar 2005 12:11:27 AM |
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"RGB" <rrggbb@mac.com> wrote in message
news:_Xr_d.1689174$Zm5.261251@news.easynews.com...
Bev will probably seize on certain passages from this post to feed his
Little Engine That Could and keep going on about how I'm trying to
entice people into committing suicide, and I would just like to right
here encourage anyone who agrees with him to say so. Because if he is
not 100% full of ***** on this particular point, I really want to know.
"Young Werther"
You asked for it :) Speaking for myself - I don't agree with him. Perhaps
for "some" it could be enticing, but I suspect those people are in those
*other* newsgroups, and not here. I think the fact that we are here and
have been for as long as we have, still struggling with depression or
bipolar disorder or whatever it is we live with, means we have already made
the decision *not* to die.
Personally - I have gone over it so many times in my own mind, I don't need
someone else telling me how to do it. What I do need are people like
yourself with the guts and the honesty to tell me how horribly wrong a
botched attempt can go. And you aren't the only one. In
alt.support.depression.manic there was another person who decided to share
after being asked outright. The response was carefully worded but the story
was horrendous. I later met someone months later who had an almost
identical experience and he ended up in a wheelchair minus his legs. Up
until then, I admit I had some "romantic fantasies" from time to time, but
not afterwards. It haunted me for a long time. And it kept me alive.
I could be wrong about all of this. I don't doubt for a minute that Bev
knows more about "Peer Predictors" and the "Werther Effect" than I do, but I
know myself, and I know that in all of these cases it helped me to see a
side of suicide that I wanted to deny existed. I don't believe you had any
ill intentions and I thank you.
rhianon@sympatico.ca
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| User: "RGB" |
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| Title: Re: An open post to RGB |
18 Mar 2005 12:17:08 AM |
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In article <3st_d.69402$Jd2.1355004@news20.bellglobal.com>,
"Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca> wrote:
I don't believe you had any ill intentions and I thank you.
Well, I may have had plenty of ill intentions elsewhere but certainly
not in the discussion of this particular subject. Thank YOU for
understanding that.
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| User: "wombn" |
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| Title: Re: An open post to RGB |
18 Mar 2005 03:55:02 AM |
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On Fri, 18 Mar 2005 03:31:06 GMT, RGB <rrggbb@mac.com> wrote:
going on about how I'm trying to
entice people into committing suicide,
Anyone who has known for you any length of time would not believe that
you are trying to manipulate anyone to commit suicide.
You're far more direct than that.
--
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If laughter is the best medicine,
then kittens should be covered by our health insurance. :-)
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| User: "wombn" |
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| Title: Re: An open post to RGB |
17 Mar 2005 02:40:36 PM |
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On Thu, 17 Mar 2005 09:18:46 -0800, ponette <ponette0000@yahoo.com>
wrote:
If you did anything, you transformed the concept of a suicide
attempt from a "romantic notion" into what it really is -- a horrific
experience with lasting effects. It made an indelible impression upon
me.
same here.
--
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If laughter is the best medicine,
then kittens should be covered by our health insurance. :-)
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| User: "RGB" |
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| Title: Re: An open post to RGB |
17 Mar 2005 11:31:18 AM |
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Thanks, Ponette. I have to run now but will write more tonight.
As for buzzards getting me down... I always remember driving through Big
Bend National Park listening to an Edward Abbey audiobook. One line that
really stuck with me is, "Imagine a baby vulture".
Yeah, imagine that.
More later, thanks again, have a good day.
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