Hi James,
How old are you?
Wen
James wrote:
I have the luck.
More than once I have made a proposal to my best friend, to be turned awa=
y -
she will not do marriage again.
That's okay as far as it goes.
To-day she called me (about thirty minutes ago) to tell me she had accept=
ed
the proposal of another, and they would be married on the twenty-ninth, a=
nd
could my parent's Irish folk group (to which I am loosely associated)
Cloverleaf come and provide music on such short notice, and for how much?
My stepfather chimed in with "Sure, you're family, if you'll pay for the
train tickets we will perform for the wedding and the reception
for -gratis-." My Mother chimed in with immediate approval.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I want to marry her, not play for her wedding to someone else! What the
hell was he thinking?
I hate my life. I hate living at home. I just want to crawl into a clos=
et
and starve, or slice myself to ribbons. Or make it where I can never play
the hammered dulcimer again.
I am supposed to haul all the way down to the other end of the state to p=
lay
for my best friend's wedding to someone else. I can't take this. It is =
too
much. I have got to get away and be absolutely alone. For good.
Considering the performances I have done in the past, this seems like a
knife in the back. I'd rather do street performing (except you have to g=
et
a $75 lisence for that in Chicago).
My brain (stupid thing) tells me I should be happy for her. And be honou=
red
to play for her - she wants no one else but us. And in truth, we don't c=
ome
cheap normally. But, how gauch=E9. How -wrong-. Why is my life like th=
is?
Always a day late and a dollar short. The internal debate with my closest
friends right now centres around why my stupid heart keeps beating. I ha=
te
people, most especially my parents, whom the VA has stuck me with as
guardians. How could he accept such a thing on my behalf? He knows how I
feel about her.
My computer is playing a selection of depressing Medi=E6val music and I i=
ntend
to keep it up all week. I do not have the power to directly protest other
than to quit the group and -that- would really make things miserable for =
me
around here. I think I need to talk to the P-doc again about this parent=
al
"guardianship" of me again. I only despised my parents when I arrived he=
re.
Now I despise life itself.
Goddess bless, and I can always hope,
=20
James / S=E9amus (the one in charge at the moment)
.
