Used2be wrote:

like nothing is real. when i look out the window here and see the leaves
blowing in the wind, i find myself becoming one of those leaves. i
picture myself floating all around the neighborhood. landing on the
sidewalk. being crushed by a passerby. but not really feeling it.

the people outside look like robots. are they real? they don't look
real. more like stepford people. walking their dogs. going to check
their mail. jogging down the street. what are the thoughts in their
heads? are there any? am i the only one on the planet with a thought in
my head? it feels that way sometimes. like everyone else is a robot and
i am the only one who is thinking.

the hum of the computer feels like a vibration in my brain. like it's
lulling me to some other realm where no one else can join me. nothing
seems real today.

it's kind of a nice feeling after the intensity of the pain i felt a few
minutes ago. i wish it would linger. that it would go on forever. or
at least until i was no more.

death by dissociation. how nice would that be???

~u2b

I wish you would print this out and show it to your doctor, Cindi. There's
been a tone in your posts, lately (at least to me), that is getting kind
of dark. Do you have someone you can talk to in person about the way
you're feeling?

Gayle