| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"DaKitty" |
| Date: |
27 Oct 2004 12:00:25 AM |
| Object: |
Boyfried's Daughter |
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her family!
Grrrr!
.
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| User: "old coyote" |
|
| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
28 Oct 2004 01:53:41 AM |
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"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in
news:FXFfd.172692$a85.166960@fed1read04:
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very
mature and responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year
old. She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're
saving that part for later - much later - after the divorce is final
and things start cooling off. I've spent little more time with her
lately - picked her up from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me
about her mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is
verbally and emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that
towards dad. So, I've been empathizing with the daughter, and on
occasion I say, ouch, that's just not right, but fir the most part, I
refrain from saying anything about her mom, especially anything about
how abusive and wrong the stuff she is doing is... I just let the girl
vent, and make her feel she's being heard and understood. I don't
encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her dad what she tells
me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just listens, and
doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very
careful about not imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce
the positive. Her dad and I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not
likely to do something he doesn't approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her
family! Grrrr!
It's a delicate tapestry to walk for sure. I'm in that position from time
to time from being a coach. Sometimes they just need a sounding board,
other times som mentoring, etc. The difficult part for me is, given my own
experience, not letting my emotions take over and confront the parents. I
think that lots of times parents don't understand or recognize to extent of
the damage that they are doing, and have done. That's when listening to
the child with some measure of credibility from one's own experiences is
very rewarding. I've found it to be a very subtle form of intervention and
empowerment. I think that you're doing the right thing, fwiw.
--
-=oc=-
"Don't punish yourself for imagined sins." - Charles
"you do not need to bargain your well being" - %
.
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| User: "DaKitty" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
28 Oct 2004 02:29:53 AM |
|
|
"old coyote" <the_oldcoyote@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns95909E32874Ctheoldcoyote@130.133.1.4...
"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in
news:FXFfd.172692$a85.166960@fed1read04:
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very
mature and responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year
old. She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're
saving that part for later - much later - after the divorce is final
and things start cooling off. I've spent little more time with her
lately - picked her up from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me
about her mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is
verbally and emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that
towards dad. So, I've been empathizing with the daughter, and on
occasion I say, ouch, that's just not right, but fir the most part, I
refrain from saying anything about her mom, especially anything about
how abusive and wrong the stuff she is doing is... I just let the girl
vent, and make her feel she's being heard and understood. I don't
encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her dad what she tells
me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just listens, and
doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very
careful about not imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce
the positive. Her dad and I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not
likely to do something he doesn't approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her
family! Grrrr!
It's a delicate tapestry to walk for sure. I'm in that position from time
to time from being a coach. Sometimes they just need a sounding board,
other times som mentoring, etc. The difficult part for me is, given my
own
experience, not letting my emotions take over and confront the parents. I
think that lots of times parents don't understand or recognize to extent
of
the damage that they are doing, and have done. That's when listening to
the child with some measure of credibility from one's own experiences is
very rewarding. I've found it to be a very subtle form of intervention
and
empowerment. I think that you're doing the right thing, fwiw.
Thanks for that comment, I agree with what you're saying.
.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 12:57:05 AM |
|
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"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in message
news:FXFfd.172692$a85.166960@fed1read04...
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature
and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about
her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's
just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is
doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about
not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad
and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her family!
Grrrr!
well you are certainly the most healthiest person I know of that can fix
then all
.
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| User: "DaKitty" |
|
| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 01:57:58 PM |
|
|
"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:10nue7319d18p00@corp.supernews.com...
"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in message
news:FXFfd.172692$a85.166960@fed1read04...
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature
and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving
that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things
start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about
her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's
just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about
her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is
doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her
dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about
not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad
and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he
doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her
family!
Grrrr!
well you are certainly the most healthiest person I know of that can fix
then all
Fix what?
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
|
| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 12:08:01 AM |
|
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DaKitty wrote...
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a
sweetheart. Very mature and responsible (for a 16 year old)
Probably even for a 20 year old. She knows I'm a friend,
doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving that part for
later - much later - after the divorce is final and things
start cooling off. I've spent little more time with her
lately - picked her up from school when his schedule
changed. Anyway, last few times she, without prompting,
started telling me about her mom, and how her mom is
treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and emotionally
abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So,
I've been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I
say, ouch, that's just not right, but fir the most part, I
refrain from saying anything about her mom, especially
anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's
being heard and understood. I don't encourage her to bash
her mom. I always tell her dad what she tells me, let him
do with it what he sees fit. He usually just listens, and
doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad
that she has someone she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm
kind of being very careful about not imposing on her what I
think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad and I
agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do
something he doesn't approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I
hope. On the other hand, it just fries me the way this
woman treats her family! Grrrr!
as hard as it is, you're doing the right thing, just being
available to listen. even with a bad relationship, putting a
wedge btwn daughter and mother will just get you resentment in
the end. she has to decide for herself how she's going to
handle her mother's mistreatment. something she should know,
though, is what a good kid _you_ think she is, so she keeps a
sense of self-esteem.
she's lucky to have you.
-lisa
.
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| User: "DaKitty" |
|
| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 12:33:59 AM |
|
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"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns958FB72F9B81mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4...
DaKitty wrote...
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a
sweetheart. Very mature and responsible (for a 16 year old)
Probably even for a 20 year old. She knows I'm a friend,
doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving that part for
later - much later - after the divorce is final and things
start cooling off. I've spent little more time with her
lately - picked her up from school when his schedule
changed. Anyway, last few times she, without prompting,
started telling me about her mom, and how her mom is
treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and emotionally
abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So,
I've been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I
say, ouch, that's just not right, but fir the most part, I
refrain from saying anything about her mom, especially
anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's
being heard and understood. I don't encourage her to bash
her mom. I always tell her dad what she tells me, let him
do with it what he sees fit. He usually just listens, and
doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad
that she has someone she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm
kind of being very careful about not imposing on her what I
think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad and I
agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do
something he doesn't approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I
hope. On the other hand, it just fries me the way this
woman treats her family! Grrrr!
as hard as it is, you're doing the right thing, just being
available to listen. even with a bad relationship, putting a
wedge btwn daughter and mother will just get you resentment in
the end. she has to decide for herself how she's going to
handle her mother's mistreatment. something she should know,
though, is what a good kid _you_ think she is, so she keeps a
sense of self-esteem.
she's lucky to have you.
-lisa
yea, we talked a little more yesterday, she was really talkative this time..
she was complaining how she's too tall, too fat, too ugly, bummed out about
zits, hates the braces, thinks she's too pale, thinks she has an 'eating
problem' (well, her mom at over 350 pounds does have one...)
The girl is 5'7" tall, long light brown hair, big brown eyes, really nice
face, skinny! She fits into XS clothes, very active in sports... Beautiful
girl! Carries herself well, clean.. sort of an All American kind of a girl.
I asked, what kind of an eating problem? She goes, I'm eating too much, I'm
getting fat! (she isn't) I was telling her, oh, you're beautiful, you
probably have boys chasing you all over the place [wink wink]. (she has a
boyfriend)... anyway, I tried to build her up. She was giggling. I was
telling her how we all think we look ugly and think the worst, and other
people around us tend to see the best, and not notice the little things we
think are bad. She was glad to hear that.
Actually, she reminds me a little bit of a picture I've seen of Luna's
daughter.
.
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 01:58:04 AM |
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DaKitty wrote:
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her family!
Grrrr!
You got it right. It's natural that she needs to vent and that
means, at 16, not to take her too literally. In my experience
anyone can raise a child... it just takes a bit of commitment to
*them* and not to yourself. Easy really...
Well done.
GlennT
.
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| User: "DaKitty" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 02:03:01 PM |
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"GlennT" <ask.me@noname.com> wrote in message
news:0GHfd.121$i54.2153@news.xtra.co.nz...
DaKitty wrote:
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature
and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving
that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things
start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about
her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's
just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about
her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is
doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her
dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about
not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad
and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he
doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her
family!
Grrrr!
You got it right. It's natural that she needs to vent and that
means, at 16, not to take her too literally. In my experience
anyone can raise a child... it just takes a bit of commitment to
*them* and not to yourself. Easy really...
Well done.
GlennT
I'm noticing that... It was pretty easy to get kids to accept me so far...
just pay attention to them, and be interested in them. I found out more
about the mother today... she is definitely interested in herself, and not
the kids. :( it's awesome that their dad is dedicated to the kids,
otherwise they'd have a really really rough time.
.
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| User: "BGumm" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 12:10:52 PM |
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You are doing great. You are listening without bashing which can come back and
bite you in the behind and you are letting the boyfriend know how the girl is
being treated.
It is his decision on what to do with this information UNLESS you feel the
situation is really bad then there are things you can do on the side which
while won't save your relationship with this person-----not sure I would want
to be with someone that tolerates abuse of his children anyway----....it will
get the girl some type of help. The kids have to come first.
Since at some point I am sure the 16 year old will realize you are more than
just a friend (if she hasn't already---they aren't dumb you know)---if you have
done any kind of mom bashing (even abused kids won't tolerate that at some
point) it will come back at you. Especially if she plays both parents against
each other which happens in these kinds of situations.
It could create a whole mess of problems for you, your relationship with him,
her and the mother.
Just keep doing what you are doing. She needs someone to listen BUT if you
feel this situation is out of control remember you do have options to get her
some help.
Child-line---1-800, 24 hour hotline....calling children and youths outright.
JMHO....
Becky
"I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild;
when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and
moody. And in all its moods, I see myself."
-Martin Buxbaum
.
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| User: "DaKitty" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 02:14:15 PM |
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"BGumm" <bgumm@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20041027131052.22494.00001446@mb-m06.aol.com...
You are doing great. You are listening without bashing which can come
back and
bite you in the behind and you are letting the boyfriend know how the girl
is
being treated.
Thanks. I think he may already kjnow a lot, because of the way mother treats
him... a lot worse than the kids. Maybe it's a good thing for him to hear it
though, so far I have a feeling that he may have his head in the sand a
little bit about it, where, unless he hears it or if it doesn't happen in
front of him, he keeops hoping that maybe everything is okay.
It is his decision on what to do with this information UNLESS you feel the
situation is really bad then there are things you can do on the side which
while won't save your relationship with this person-----not sure I would
want
to be with someone that tolerates abuse of his children anyway----....it
will
get the girl some type of help. The kids have to come first.
Yea. I don't know enough yet to get more involved, so, for now, I listen and
I talk it over with him... still learning a lot about the whole situation.
I've known the guy for just over a year now, and it's only been since June
that we started dating. Taking it slow, since it's a pretty complex
situation.
Since at some point I am sure the 16 year old will realize you are more
than
just a friend (if she hasn't already---they aren't dumb you know)---if you
have
done any kind of mom bashing (even abused kids won't tolerate that at some
point) it will come back at you. Especially if she plays both parents
against
each other which happens in these kinds of situations.
It could create a whole mess of problems for you, your relationship with
him,
her and the mother.
Oh, exactly!
I have a suspicion that the daughter has figured it out anyway. I asked him
if daughter knows, and he said, I don't know, if she does, looks like she's
fine with it. Then he said, well, the kids do see what goes on. So, I'm kind
of going about it carefully... Afterall, so far I have very little exposure
to the kids, it's too soon.
I'm just hoping to be able to bring in something positive, when I do have
time with th kids... for now.
Just keep doing what you are doing. She needs someone to listen BUT if
you
feel this situation is out of control remember you do have options to get
her
some help.
Child-line---1-800, 24 hour hotline....calling children and youths
outright.
thanks for that info :)
.
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| User: "juno7" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 12:09:42 AM |
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sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.. I am sure it means A LOT
to her..
"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in message
news:FXFfd.172692$a85.166960@fed1read04...
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature
and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about
her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's
just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is
doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about
not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad
and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her family!
Grrrr!
sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.. I am sure it means A LOT
to her..
.
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| User: "DaKitty" |
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| Title: Re: Boyfried's Daughter |
27 Oct 2004 12:22:21 AM |
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Thanks :)
I was guessing it might, cause she's telling me things she doesn't tell her
dad... and does it without my prompting or prying. She doesn't know just how
much I know about her mom and dad... knows me just as a friend from dad's
work... swimming.. Her and I are swimmers - on different sections of the
team. Her dad is one of the coaches there..
Considering that mom's new 'friend' has not been very nice to the kids, and
isn't allowed to set foot in the house there, because the daughter won't
have any of it and dad is supporting her in that, I think I'm pretty lucky
she likes me so far.
It was pretty neat, the first time I was in the house there for a quick
visit was because the daughter dragged me in on her own to show me how she's
decorated her room. I thought that was a big score!
I was really impressed with the kid just recently. She broke her cell phone
by accident, and couldn't get a new one without paying at least 200 bucks
for it. And she wanted a camera flip-phone, around 250. The dad told her, I
can't spend that much on a phone for you right now. She didn't really want
an old old hand-me down... (heh, she's one of the more popular kids in
school) so, she didn't give her dad a hard time, or whined, she got busy
working - babysitting, and in 3 weeks working the weekends she made the
money she needed to get the phone. Dad was fine with that. I thought that
was pretty cool that she took the initiative. Well, the mother bitched and
moaned and complained and begrudged her that she went and made the money,
actually more not believing her and acting as if she's too spoiled and that
dad must have done it for her or somesuch BS.
"juno7" <oh@well.com> wrote in message news:q4Gfd.6873$8W6.5722@trnddc05...
sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.. I am sure it means A
LOT
to her..
"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in message
news:FXFfd.172692$a85.166960@fed1read04...
My boyfriend had a 16 year old daughter. She's a sweetheart. Very mature
and
responsible (for a 16 year old) Probably even for a 20 year old.
She knows I'm a friend, doesn't know I'm a girlfriend - we're saving
that
part for later - much later - after the divorce is final and things
start
cooling off. I've spent little more time with her lately - picked her up
from school when his schedule changed.
Anyway, last few times she, without prompting, started telling me about
her
mom, and how her mom is treating her. IMO, her mom is verbally and
emotionally abusive. Well I knew she was like that towards dad. So, I've
been empathizing with the daughter, and on occasion I say, ouch, that's
just
not right, but fir the most part, I refrain from saying anything about
her
mom, especially anything about how abusive and wrong the stuff she is
doing
is... I just let the girl vent, and make her feel she's being heard and
understood. I don't encourage her to bash her mom. I always tell her
dad
what she tells me, let him do with it what he sees fit. He usually just
listens, and doesn't say much. The daughter doesn't tell him when mom is
not
treating her right. He sort of indicated that he's glad that she has
someone
she can talk to, or at least vent. I'm kind of being very careful about
not
imposing on her what I think, but still reinforce the positive. Her dad
and
I agree on the fundamentals, so I 'm not likely to do something he
doesn't
approve of.
Given the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing... I hope.
On the other hand, it just fries me the way this woman treats her
family!
Grrrr!
sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.. I am sure it means A
LOT
to her..
.
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