Hello all,
Here is my situation, my wife is emotionally abusive. Nothing truly bad
but it is definatly there. Physically she will occasionally dig her
nails into my hands or arms, or block doorways out of a room, has
slapped me maybe a half dozen times in 10 years. She likes to start
fights right as I am going to bed, because my exhaustion places her in
better control. Sex is when she wants it and almost always when I am
asleep or sick, again going back to the control issues. 12-15 sexual
encounters a year has become normal. We are both 30yo
Extremely intense courtship as high school students, early marriage,
very possessive, has to control the money and then gets upset because
she overspends our means. She controls herself better around the kids
but if she is angry with me, she will occasionally turn and scream at
them. Son is 3.5 and daughter is almost 2. She cant stand it that the
children are more likley to come to me for comfort than her. Will hug
and cuddle kids to the point they are screaming to be let go, which is
a good part of the reason they come to me. Her discipline is
inconsitent, perfectionist for a while then she wants to be the kids
friend so anything goes.
Extremely intelligent but can completely lose it very quickly, she
decribes the rage as sitting above herself watching. It usally takes
at least a little something to cause the rage but I can tell when shes
stewing and its going to happen. Her regret afterwards seem geuine but
doesnt extend to actually taking blame for the abuse.
Emotionally distant mother, Raging BPD for a grandmother, her father
was gone a lot during childhood on business.
So what the hell now? I dont really want to leave her, I am ADHD so a
lot of the time her symptoms actually help keep the household together,
while my symptoms help her try and relax. The problem is that when the
two conditions come into conflict it can be spectacular. I dont want
my kids to grow up thinking this is the way a marriage has to be.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
24 Jan 2007 04:35:52 PM |
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<brown_1173@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1169677781.067823.232710@a75g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
Hello all,
Here is my situation, my wife is emotionally abusive. Nothing truly bad
but it is definatly there. Physically she will occasionally dig her
nails into my hands or arms, or block doorways out of a room, has
slapped me maybe a half dozen times in 10 years. She likes to start
fights right as I am going to bed, because my exhaustion places her in
better control. Sex is when she wants it and almost always when I am
asleep or sick, again going back to the control issues. 12-15 sexual
encounters a year has become normal. We are both 30yo
Extremely intense courtship as high school students, early marriage,
very possessive, has to control the money and then gets upset because
she overspends our means. She controls herself better around the kids
but if she is angry with me, she will occasionally turn and scream at
them. Son is 3.5 and daughter is almost 2. She cant stand it that the
children are more likley to come to me for comfort than her. Will hug
and cuddle kids to the point they are screaming to be let go, which is
a good part of the reason they come to me. Her discipline is
inconsitent, perfectionist for a while then she wants to be the kids
friend so anything goes.
Extremely intelligent but can completely lose it very quickly, she
decribes the rage as sitting above herself watching. It usally takes
at least a little something to cause the rage but I can tell when shes
stewing and its going to happen. Her regret afterwards seem geuine but
doesnt extend to actually taking blame for the abuse.
Emotionally distant mother, Raging BPD for a grandmother, her father
was gone a lot during childhood on business.
So what the hell now? I dont really want to leave her, I am ADHD so a
lot of the time her symptoms actually help keep the household together,
while my symptoms help her try and relax. The problem is that when the
two conditions come into conflict it can be spectacular. I dont want
my kids to grow up thinking this is the way a marriage has to be.
she needs therapy you need to stop enabling ,
so you might both need therapy , together and solo
.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
24 Jan 2007 06:23:35 PM |
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Am sorry that you are experiencing these problems, it might be advisable for
you to consult with a psychiatrist to deal with your own symptoms. It sounds
like you've been running on fumes (manic-like) and have some anxiety.
If you've been prescribed meds before, it might be time to get a psychiatric
evaluation with an outpatient clinic, and maybe with a therapist. Maybe you
could take the kids.
From your post, it seems like she can be disruptive, but not all the time. I
wonder if there is another force in your life contributing to the anxiety. I
would suggest that the most immediate need for attention is for you to get
well. I think there may be ways a therapist or caseworker could help you
find ways to be more involved in helping and being more stabalized.
You could also post to a relationship type of support forum for help or
assistance.
Hope that this is helpful.
David
<brown_1173@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1169677781.067823.232710@a75g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
Hello all,
Here is my situation, my wife is emotionally abusive. Nothing truly bad
but it is definatly there. Physically she will occasionally dig her
nails into my hands or arms, or block doorways out of a room, has
slapped me maybe a half dozen times in 10 years. She likes to start
fights right as I am going to bed, because my exhaustion places her in
better control. Sex is when she wants it and almost always when I am
asleep or sick, again going back to the control issues. 12-15 sexual
encounters a year has become normal. We are both 30yo
Extremely intense courtship as high school students, early marriage,
very possessive, has to control the money and then gets upset because
she overspends our means. She controls herself better around the kids
but if she is angry with me, she will occasionally turn and scream at
them. Son is 3.5 and daughter is almost 2. She cant stand it that the
children are more likley to come to me for comfort than her. Will hug
and cuddle kids to the point they are screaming to be let go, which is
a good part of the reason they come to me. Her discipline is
inconsitent, perfectionist for a while then she wants to be the kids
friend so anything goes.
Extremely intelligent but can completely lose it very quickly, she
decribes the rage as sitting above herself watching. It usally takes
at least a little something to cause the rage but I can tell when shes
stewing and its going to happen. Her regret afterwards seem geuine but
doesnt extend to actually taking blame for the abuse.
Emotionally distant mother, Raging BPD for a grandmother, her father
was gone a lot during childhood on business.
So what the hell now? I dont really want to leave her, I am ADHD so a
lot of the time her symptoms actually help keep the household together,
while my symptoms help her try and relax. The problem is that when the
two conditions come into conflict it can be spectacular. I dont want
my kids to grow up thinking this is the way a marriage has to be.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
24 Jan 2007 06:44:01 PM |
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"David" <davidd2394@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message news:12rfu49raau3e6@news.supernews.com...
Am sorry that you are experiencing these problems,
a classic
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
24 Jan 2007 06:18:47 PM |
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On 24 Jan 2007 14:29:41 -0800, wrote:
Hello all,
Here is my situation, my wife is emotionally abusive. Nothing truly bad
but it is definatly there. Physically she will occasionally dig her
nails into my hands or arms, or block doorways out of a room, has
slapped me maybe a half dozen times in 10 years. She likes to start
fights right as I am going to bed, because my exhaustion places her in
better control. Sex is when she wants it and almost always when I am
asleep or sick, again going back to the control issues. 12-15 sexual
encounters a year has become normal. We are both 30yo
Extremely intense courtship as high school students, early marriage,
very possessive, has to control the money and then gets upset because
she overspends our means. She controls herself better around the kids
but if she is angry with me, she will occasionally turn and scream at
them. Son is 3.5 and daughter is almost 2. She cant stand it that the
children are more likley to come to me for comfort than her. Will hug
and cuddle kids to the point they are screaming to be let go, which is
a good part of the reason they come to me. Her discipline is
inconsitent, perfectionist for a while then she wants to be the kids
friend so anything goes.
Extremely intelligent but can completely lose it very quickly, she
decribes the rage as sitting above herself watching. It usally takes
at least a little something to cause the rage but I can tell when shes
stewing and its going to happen. Her regret afterwards seem geuine but
doesnt extend to actually taking blame for the abuse.
Emotionally distant mother, Raging BPD for a grandmother, her father
was gone a lot during childhood on business.
So what the hell now? I dont really want to leave her, I am ADHD so a
lot of the time her symptoms actually help keep the household together,
while my symptoms help her try and relax. The problem is that when the
two conditions come into conflict it can be spectacular. I dont want
my kids to grow up thinking this is the way a marriage has to be.
How would she tell her side of the story if she read this?
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
25 Jan 2007 03:23:47 PM |
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How would she tell her side of the story if she read this?
Assuming she was willing to admit to at least the physical side of the
abuse, she would say she lost her temper as a result of extreme
provocation from me. Any attempt by me to deny that accusation would be
met with a couple of scathing comments about my incredible poor memory
(I'm ADHD, so my memory is bad, although not as bas as she claims.)
As far as the emotional abuse goes, I suspect that she would deny it
entirely, I assume she actually believes that I deserve the constant
critisism. She normally threatens to throw me out of the house as a
way to get me to back down when I am right. Usally this is obviously in
the heat of anger but this last time we fought she crossed the line and
threatened to take my kids and vanish. If I were to show her this while
we were alone she would almost certainly threaten to leave or throw me
out.
As far as the couple of times that she has crossed the line with the
kids, she would downplay the incidences as a loss of temper caused by
anger at me and the child's excessive crying (mostly in fear at what
was going on with mom and dad). Any attempt by me to deny those version
of the facts would be dismissed on the grounds that my memory isnt as
good as hers.
As bad as that sounds you have to realize that this is gleamed from
being together for the last 12 years. 99% of the time, while she is
tempermental, it doesnt come near the abusive level. But it's not
getting any better as the stress in our lives increases, so
intervention is quickly becoming necessary before my children get old
enough that I cant sheild them from her outbursts.
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
25 Jan 2007 03:51:08 PM |
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On 25 Jan 2007 13:23:47 -0800, wrote:
How would she tell her side of the story if she read this?
Assuming she was willing to admit to at least the physical side of the
abuse, she would say she lost her temper as a result of extreme
provocation from me. Any attempt by me to deny that accusation would be
met with a couple of scathing comments about my incredible poor memory
(I'm ADHD, so my memory is bad, although not as bas as she claims.)
As far as the emotional abuse goes, I suspect that she would deny it
entirely, I assume she actually believes that I deserve the constant
critisism. She normally threatens to throw me out of the house as a
way to get me to back down when I am right. Usally this is obviously in
the heat of anger but this last time we fought she crossed the line and
threatened to take my kids and vanish. If I were to show her this while
we were alone she would almost certainly threaten to leave or throw me
out.
As far as the couple of times that she has crossed the line with the
kids, she would downplay the incidences as a loss of temper caused by
anger at me and the child's excessive crying (mostly in fear at what
was going on with mom and dad). Any attempt by me to deny those version
of the facts would be dismissed on the grounds that my memory isnt as
good as hers.
As bad as that sounds you have to realize that this is gleamed from
being together for the last 12 years. 99% of the time, while she is
tempermental, it doesnt come near the abusive level. But it's not
getting any better as the stress in our lives increases, so
intervention is quickly becoming necessary before my children get old
enough that I cant sheild them from her outbursts.
A broken marriage with kids involved. Many here can share there
stories, but I'm lifelong single at 38. This is an interesting
article on divorced bachelors living the good life...get excited about
it...she sounds unstable and destructive unless you're equally
disillusioned about your behavior. But you sound sane to me.
http://men.style.com/details/features/landing?id=content_5283
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: BPD wife? |
24 Jan 2007 04:46:53 PM |
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bpd as in borderline personality disorder?
DEFINITELY.
--
~u2b
+*+*+*+*+*+*+
"Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean
<brown_1173@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1169677781.067823.232710@a75g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
Hello all,
Here is my situation, my wife is emotionally abusive. Nothing truly bad
but it is definatly there. Physically she will occasionally dig her
nails into my hands or arms, or block doorways out of a room, has
slapped me maybe a half dozen times in 10 years. She likes to start
fights right as I am going to bed, because my exhaustion places her in
better control. Sex is when she wants it and almost always when I am
asleep or sick, again going back to the control issues. 12-15 sexual
encounters a year has become normal. We are both 30yo
Extremely intense courtship as high school students, early marriage,
very possessive, has to control the money and then gets upset because
she overspends our means. She controls herself better around the kids
but if she is angry with me, she will occasionally turn and scream at
them. Son is 3.5 and daughter is almost 2. She cant stand it that the
children are more likley to come to me for comfort than her. Will hug
and cuddle kids to the point they are screaming to be let go, which is
a good part of the reason they come to me. Her discipline is
inconsitent, perfectionist for a while then she wants to be the kids
friend so anything goes.
Extremely intelligent but can completely lose it very quickly, she
decribes the rage as sitting above herself watching. It usally takes
at least a little something to cause the rage but I can tell when shes
stewing and its going to happen. Her regret afterwards seem geuine but
doesnt extend to actually taking blame for the abuse.
Emotionally distant mother, Raging BPD for a grandmother, her father
was gone a lot during childhood on business.
So what the hell now? I dont really want to leave her, I am ADHD so a
lot of the time her symptoms actually help keep the household together,
while my symptoms help her try and relax. The problem is that when the
two conditions come into conflict it can be spectacular. I dont want
my kids to grow up thinking this is the way a marriage has to be.
.
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