Maybe this is a contributing factor to another hyper day.

I went over to my father's and he told me that my mother's cremains were in
a box in the cabinet under the front window. The crematorium demanded that
he pick them up. He had driven right past the place several times in the
course of other business, but couldn't bring himself to do it.

I had suspected something since he said he didn't know what he wanted to do
with the ashes and hadn't even looked at urns. I finally asked him
directly, and I was right. It just hurts him too much to have them around.

When I pulled the box out from the cabinet, we joked about how much weight
mom lost so quickly. We did it again when my sister walked it. We have a
tendency towards Addam's Family style humor.

It really does drive home the fact that we are composed mostly of water.

So tonight I brought my mother home in a small cardboard box. I don't
exactly know what to do with her either. Mom only specified cremation in
her will. She didn't say a thing about the disposition of the cremains.
Maybe some of you could help.

My first thought was my grandmother's grave. She is buried along-side her
husband. On the other side of her husband is an empty grave that was
intended for his first wife. His first wife's name is on two different
stones in that cemetery, but her family was too cheap to have her moved
(which *is* what she had wanted.)

So maybe change the stone, if possible, or get a new one, and pay the cost
of shuffling grandma and grandpa around, then bury my mom along-side her
mother?

My brother, the Uber-Catholic, does want her buried on consecrated ground,
even it meant just pulling up the sod over grandma and scattering the
cremains. That would be illegal in Wisconsin - scattering of ashes isn't
allowed on another marked grave, or on any public property for that matter.
People do it, in rivers and lakes and such, but they could be fined if they
are caught. (What kind of heartless, dumb ***** cop would write that ticket?)

Well, mom was a Lapsed-Catholic mostly. Her and dad were married in a
Catholic church, but us kids were all baptized Presbyterian (the religion
of my father's parents, who also never went to church.) I'll never
understand why some people feel that getting married in a church and
baptizing children is so God-aweful important, yet they never attend
church.

Anyway, the problem with that is what then happens with my father when that
day comes? It is especially depressing how real death seems now. I know it
is childish, but somehow I thought my mother would never die. Well, I've
grown up quickly and I now know for a fact that my father will die one day.

I don't want him to be separated from my mother, and there is no more room
at that grave site for a fourth person. Besides, my father was baptized
Presbyterian and could not be buried in a Catholic cemetery anyway. I don't
believe that has occurred to my brother. At least I hope it hasn't. If it
has, then his desire means that he believes mom is going to heaven but dad
is going to hell.

I don't like the idea of scattering her ashes. Not that it would prevent
God form finding them at the resurrection. God is pretty clever and doesn't
need to find her particular ashes. All he needs is to snap his fingers and
recreate her exact quantum state. But I just don't like the idea of not
knowing exactly where she is.

The only option I can see given all of that is to purchase a beautiful urn
myself and keep her with me and, eventually, have my father beside her. The
idea creeps out my wife (who wants to be pumped full of chemicals and
buried in a box when she goes, which is something that creeps *me* out.)

On any issue about which I am adamant, I always get my way. I married the
right woman. If I had married a woman who would walk out if she didn't get
her way, I would just say good-bye, shut the door behind her, and go about
looking for a new woman.

However, this is my wife's home also and I had to be absolutely sure to
respect her wishes. She assured me that, for my sake, she would get used to
it.

So I'm leaning towards the last idea. Anyone have any other ideas?

This has given me food for thought about my father. He is a Korean War vet.
When the time comes, I will need to arrange for the military honors at his
funeral.

That will make flowers easier. My father doesn't give a damn about flowers,
so picking them out for his funeral would amount to flipping a coin. But
since he is a vet, the color scheme is easy - red, white, and blue.

Awe *****. I'm on the verge of tears again. I am reminded of the novel Dune
in which Prince Atriedes contemplates the idea that no male really becomes
a man until his father dies.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my until Jerry in the waiting
room of the hospital my mother was in years back (intubated for almost 40
days.) I asked him about grandpa's death, and he said the death of your
second parent is when it really hits home that you are alone in this world.

Now that I mention uncle Jerry, I am disturbed. Jerry died about seven
years ago. He was the youngest, my father the oldest, with two girls in
between. He died of an heart attack - or more precisely an abdominal
aneurysm of one of the veins from the heart, or some such thing. It
happened on a Monday and he survived until Thursday. So he had time to make
peace with his immediate family. My father still despises my aunt for not
calling immediately since my father would have flown down to Nashville
(uncle Jerry lived here, but was away on business.) She didn't notify any
of us until he was already cremated. Ah well, she's a heavy drinker and
very out of her mind.

But take a guess as to my position in the family. I'm the youngest, my
brother is the oldest, with two sisters in between. And, like uncle Jerry,
I'm an smoker, quite often a chain smoker.

I don't want to be the first to go. But I don't want any of my siblings
(even my crazy sister) going first either. I had planned on being around to
witness the eventual death of the solar system.

Oh, as for my crazy sister, who threw a narcissistic fit and didn't go to
mom's funeral... dad is completely cutting her out of his will. Mom had a
small whole life policy, made a little smaller when she took out a loan
against it. But it is enough to cover all the funeral costs and leave my
father with a few thousand left over to get him by until the Social
Security is worked out. I believe he is entitled to survivor benefits,
meaning he should continue to receive my mother's SS also. He was
officially designated as her caretaker, and received $600 per month from
the state for that. That, of course, is gone. I have to make sure he can
get by comfortably.

My father, on the other hand, has a massive term life policy - the
proceeds, after funeral expenses, to be divided equally among the children.
So he is changing his will to cut out the crazy sister. I think I will type
up some notes on that since it make legal sense to cover all bases and
state good reasons for doing so. E.g. he and my mother feared her, she had
stolen things from them, she once hit my mother full force in the back of
the head with an over full fanny pack, knocking mom to the ground in a
half-conscious state. That happened when mom was already disabled, but
still minimally ambulatory.

Not that crazy sister could contest the will. She couldn't afford to do it.
She's living in poverty by her own choice. She has a CNA with decades of
experience and could make $40,000 a year in the current market, but chooses
instead to work at Walmart. The problems is that if she would apply for a
CNA job, any references she gave, if checked, would include reports of
abuse, or suspicions of abuse, of patients.

Strange woman. I love her since she is my sister, and she can be really
sweet and unfailingly helpful at times. Then, in the blink of an eye, she
gets it in her head that someone has wronged her in some way and turns into
Ms. Hyde. She really needs to get some psychiatric help and she flat out
refuses to do it.

I am the only member of the family whom she hasn't gone off on. But then I
always was, and still am, her favorite. I suppose that might be because in
our younger years she suffered quite a bit of emotional, and some minor
physical abuse. I was the only sibling who ever asked if she was okay and,
being too young to really understand, asked why she deserved what happened.

That abuse was at the hands of mom. In any fight between the sisters, it
was never a matter of right or wrong. Mom always sided against her. Dad
always sided with her, and at least pointed out that she received a
disproportionate and inappropriate amount of abuse. Maybe she is still made
at dad for not putting his foot down and stopping it.

I have bad memories also. Mom wasn't always an angel in her early years.
But we had discussed all of it over the years and had come to terms with
it. Mom received even worse abuse from grandma who, in her later years,
also turned into an angel.

It seems like it runs in the family. Crazy sister has inflicted a great
deal of abuse on her own children, especially her daughter who she claims
to be her favorite. Why can't she see the pattern?

Why can't I see that I desperate need to get off the PC and get some sleep?
I had better do that immediately.

Sorry for the rants. Oh well, it gives you other night owls something to
read.

Maybe this is a contributing factor to another hyper day.

I went over to my father's and he told me that my mother's cremains were
in
a box in the cabinet under the front window. The crematorium demanded that
he pick them up. He had driven right past the place several times in the
course of other business, but couldn't bring himself to do it.

I had suspected something since he said he didn't know what he wanted to
do
with the ashes and hadn't even looked at urns. I finally asked him
directly, and I was right. It just hurts him too much to have them around.

When I pulled the box out from the cabinet, we joked about how much weight
mom lost so quickly. We did it again when my sister walked it. We have a
tendency towards Addam's Family style humor.

It really does drive home the fact that we are composed mostly of water.

So tonight I brought my mother home in a small cardboard box. I don't
exactly know what to do with her either. Mom only specified cremation in
her will. She didn't say a thing about the disposition of the cremains.
Maybe some of you could help.

My first thought was my grandmother's grave. She is buried along-side her
husband. On the other side of her husband is an empty grave that was
intended for his first wife. His first wife's name is on two different
stones in that cemetery, but her family was too cheap to have her moved
(which *is* what she had wanted.)

So maybe change the stone, if possible, or get a new one, and pay the cost
of shuffling grandma and grandpa around, then bury my mom along-side her
mother?

My brother, the Uber-Catholic, does want her buried on consecrated ground,
even it meant just pulling up the sod over grandma and scattering the
cremains. That would be illegal in Wisconsin - scattering of ashes isn't
allowed on another marked grave, or on any public property for that
matter.
People do it, in rivers and lakes and such, but they could be fined if
they
are caught. (What kind of heartless, dumb ***** cop would write that
ticket?)

Well, mom was a Lapsed-Catholic mostly. Her and dad were married in a
Catholic church, but us kids were all baptized Presbyterian (the religion
of my father's parents, who also never went to church.) I'll never
understand why some people feel that getting married in a church and
baptizing children is so God-aweful important, yet they never attend
church.

Anyway, the problem with that is what then happens with my father when
that
day comes? It is especially depressing how real death seems now. I know it
is childish, but somehow I thought my mother would never die. Well, I've
grown up quickly and I now know for a fact that my father will die one
day.

I don't want him to be separated from my mother, and there is no more room
at that grave site for a fourth person. Besides, my father was baptized
Presbyterian and could not be buried in a Catholic cemetery anyway. I
don't
believe that has occurred to my brother. At least I hope it hasn't. If it
has, then his desire means that he believes mom is going to heaven but dad
is going to hell.

I don't like the idea of scattering her ashes. Not that it would prevent
God form finding them at the resurrection. God is pretty clever and
doesn't
need to find her particular ashes. All he needs is to snap his fingers and
recreate her exact quantum state. But I just don't like the idea of not
knowing exactly where she is.

The only option I can see given all of that is to purchase a beautiful urn
myself and keep her with me and, eventually, have my father beside her.
The
idea creeps out my wife (who wants to be pumped full of chemicals and
buried in a box when she goes, which is something that creeps *me* out.)

On any issue about which I am adamant, I always get my way. I married the
right woman. If I had married a woman who would walk out if she didn't get
her way, I would just say good-bye, shut the door behind her, and go about
looking for a new woman.

However, this is my wife's home also and I had to be absolutely sure to
respect her wishes. She assured me that, for my sake, she would get used
to
it.

So I'm leaning towards the last idea. Anyone have any other ideas?

This has given me food for thought about my father. He is a Korean War
vet.
When the time comes, I will need to arrange for the military honors at his
funeral.

That will make flowers easier. My father doesn't give a damn about
flowers,
so picking them out for his funeral would amount to flipping a coin. But
since he is a vet, the color scheme is easy - red, white, and blue.

Awe *****. I'm on the verge of tears again. I am reminded of the novel Dune
in which Prince Atriedes contemplates the idea that no male really becomes
a man until his father dies.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my until Jerry in the waiting
room of the hospital my mother was in years back (intubated for almost 40
days.) I asked him about grandpa's death, and he said the death of your
second parent is when it really hits home that you are alone in this
world.

Now that I mention uncle Jerry, I am disturbed. Jerry died about seven
years ago. He was the youngest, my father the oldest, with two girls in
between. He died of an heart attack - or more precisely an abdominal
aneurysm of one of the veins from the heart, or some such thing. It
happened on a Monday and he survived until Thursday. So he had time to
make
peace with his immediate family. My father still despises my aunt for not
calling immediately since my father would have flown down to Nashville
(uncle Jerry lived here, but was away on business.) She didn't notify any
of us until he was already cremated. Ah well, she's a heavy drinker and
very out of her mind.

But take a guess as to my position in the family. I'm the youngest, my
brother is the oldest, with two sisters in between. And, like uncle Jerry,
I'm an smoker, quite often a chain smoker.

I don't want to be the first to go. But I don't want any of my siblings
(even my crazy sister) going first either. I had planned on being around
to
witness the eventual death of the solar system.

Oh, as for my crazy sister, who threw a narcissistic fit and didn't go to
mom's funeral... dad is completely cutting her out of his will. Mom had a
small whole life policy, made a little smaller when she took out a loan
against it. But it is enough to cover all the funeral costs and leave my
father with a few thousand left over to get him by until the Social
Security is worked out. I believe he is entitled to survivor benefits,
meaning he should continue to receive my mother's SS also. He was
officially designated as her caretaker, and received $600 per month from
the state for that. That, of course, is gone. I have to make sure he can
get by comfortably.

My father, on the other hand, has a massive term life policy - the
proceeds, after funeral expenses, to be divided equally among the
children.
So he is changing his will to cut out the crazy sister. I think I will
type
up some notes on that since it make legal sense to cover all bases and
state good reasons for doing so. E.g. he and my mother feared her, she had
stolen things from them, she once hit my mother full force in the back of
the head with an over full fanny pack, knocking mom to the ground in a
half-conscious state. That happened when mom was already disabled, but
still minimally ambulatory.

Not that crazy sister could contest the will. She couldn't afford to do
it.
She's living in poverty by her own choice. She has a CNA with decades of
experience and could make $40,000 a year in the current market, but
chooses
instead to work at Walmart. The problems is that if she would apply for a
CNA job, any references she gave, if checked, would include reports of
abuse, or suspicions of abuse, of patients.

Strange woman. I love her since she is my sister, and she can be really
sweet and unfailingly helpful at times. Then, in the blink of an eye, she
gets it in her head that someone has wronged her in some way and turns
into
Ms. Hyde. She really needs to get some psychiatric help and she flat out
refuses to do it.

I am the only member of the family whom she hasn't gone off on. But then I
always was, and still am, her favorite. I suppose that might be because in
our younger years she suffered quite a bit of emotional, and some minor
physical abuse. I was the only sibling who ever asked if she was okay and,
being too young to really understand, asked why she deserved what
happened.

That abuse was at the hands of mom. In any fight between the sisters, it
was never a matter of right or wrong. Mom always sided against her. Dad
always sided with her, and at least pointed out that she received a
disproportionate and inappropriate amount of abuse. Maybe she is still
made
at dad for not putting his foot down and stopping it.

I have bad memories also. Mom wasn't always an angel in her early years.
But we had discussed all of it over the years and had come to terms with
it. Mom received even worse abuse from grandma who, in her later years,
also turned into an angel.

It seems like it runs in the family. Crazy sister has inflicted a great
deal of abuse on her own children, especially her daughter who she claims
to be her favorite. Why can't she see the pattern?

Why can't I see that I desperate need to get off the PC and get some
sleep?
I had better do that immediately.

Sorry for the rants. Oh well, it gives you other night owls something to
read.