| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"" |
| Date: |
03 Sep 2007 02:30:32 AM |
| Object: |
Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
Today I was thinking about how I care about people....people in
general and of course those who I have a relationship with. Even my
family, who has not cared for me in any way that could be defined as
decent, still, I care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a
measure of boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category of people
that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely cruel and brutal
actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but overall I care about most
anyone, on different levels of course. For example, when I'm driving
along and I hear/see an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always
think that I hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't mock me
for this, it is very unlike me to share something so personal like
that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only posting it as an example of
what I mean when I say I care about people in general). I even care
about those, on some level, who have brought me pain in life or who I
have been angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say what sprung
out of everything I was thinking about. You know the saying that you
can't love anyone else until you love yourself? I've just been
thinking about that, wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a
lot more for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't STAND
myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have
about myself, but I wonder how those can exist when I care a lot for
others. I take a lot better care of those I love than I take care of
myself. That doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take
better care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to give
others. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't know. Self-esteem, self-
confidence...I can have those at times, but self-love....I really
don't know.
~Rose
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
03 Sep 2007 08:59:42 AM |
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wrote...
Today I was thinking about how I care about
people....people in general and of course those who I have
a relationship with. Even my family, who has not cared for
me in any way that could be defined as decent, still, I
care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a measure of
boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category
of people that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely
cruel and brutal actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but
overall I care about most anyone, on different levels of
course. For example, when I'm driving along and I hear/see
an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always think that I
hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't
mock me for this, it is very unlike me to share something
so personal like that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only
posting it as an example of what I mean when I say I care
about people in general). I even care about those, on some
level, who have brought me pain in life or who I have been
angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say
what sprung out of everything I was thinking about. You
know the saying that you can't love anyone else until you
love yourself? I've just been thinking about that,
wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a lot more
for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't
STAND myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings
I sometimes have about myself, but I wonder how those can
exist when I care a lot for others. I take a lot better
care of those I love than I take care of myself. That
doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take better
care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to
give others. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't know.
Self-esteem, self- confidence...I can have those at times,
but self-love....I really don't know.
~Rose
I feel much as you do. I care for people, sometimes too much.
I cringe at, sometimes cry at injustice to others. Yet I don't
feel nearly as strong a caring about myself as I do other
people. I wouldn't say none, or I wouldn't feel anger when
being trod upon, but less so than for others. I don't love
myself, yet I do feel love for others. I've always been this
way, as long as I can remember.
-lisa
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
03 Sep 2007 09:15:39 AM |
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<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1188804632.419096.46490@k79g2000hse.googlegroups.com...
Today I was thinking about how I care about people....people in
general and of course those who I have a relationship with. Even my
family, who has not cared for me in any way that could be defined as
decent, still, I care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a
measure of boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category of people
that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely cruel and brutal
actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but overall I care about most
anyone, on different levels of course. For example, when I'm driving
along and I hear/see an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always
think that I hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't mock me
for this, it is very unlike me to share something so personal like
that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only posting it as an example of
what I mean when I say I care about people in general). I even care
about those, on some level, who have brought me pain in life or who I
have been angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say what sprung
out of everything I was thinking about. You know the saying that you
can't love anyone else until you love yourself? I've just been
thinking about that, wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a
lot more for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't STAND
myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have
about myself, but I wonder how those can exist when I care a lot for
others. I take a lot better care of those I love than I take care of
myself. That doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take
better care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to give
others. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't know. Self-esteem, self-
confidence...I can have those at times, but self-love....I really
don't know.
~Rose
Holy moley. I thought I was weird for doing that ambulance thing. I do it
whenever I hear a siren. Any siren. To answer your question yes I
absolutely believe you can care about others without always caring about
yourself. We tend to be so much harder on ourselves. Our own worst
critics. I do however think life is better when we like and care about
ourselves. It took me forever to get there and I sometimes fall back into
bad patterns but in general I'm all good with me most of the time now. As
for you, geez, you're one of the most caring people I know. I hope the day
will come when you can turn that around and give it back to yourself more
often. :-)
--
Rhi
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
03 Sep 2007 09:01:50 AM |
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Absolutely!!!!
I've hated myself so many times throughout the years, but I've loved my
children unconditionally without any hesitation. I find loving other people
vs. myself so much easier then just loving me... It's even hard to say it.
Jane
<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1188804632.419096.46490@k79g2000hse.googlegroups.com...
Today I was thinking about how I care about people....people in
general and of course those who I have a relationship with. Even my
family, who has not cared for me in any way that could be defined as
decent, still, I care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a
measure of boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category of people
that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely cruel and brutal
actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but overall I care about most
anyone, on different levels of course. For example, when I'm driving
along and I hear/see an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always
think that I hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't mock me
for this, it is very unlike me to share something so personal like
that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only posting it as an example of
what I mean when I say I care about people in general). I even care
about those, on some level, who have brought me pain in life or who I
have been angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say what sprung
out of everything I was thinking about. You know the saying that you
can't love anyone else until you love yourself? I've just been
thinking about that, wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a
lot more for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't STAND
myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have
about myself, but I wonder how those can exist when I care a lot for
others. I take a lot better care of those I love than I take care of
myself. That doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take
better care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to give
others. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't know. Self-esteem, self-
confidence...I can have those at times, but self-love....I really
don't know.
~Rose
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| User: "Charles" |
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| Title: Re: Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
03 Sep 2007 02:45:27 AM |
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On Mon, 03 Sep 2007 07:30:32 -0000, wrote:
Today I was thinking about how I care about people....people in
general and of course those who I have a relationship with. Even my
family, who has not cared for me in any way that could be defined as
decent, still, I care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a
measure of boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category of people
that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely cruel and brutal
actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but overall I care about most
anyone, on different levels of course. For example, when I'm driving
along and I hear/see an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always
think that I hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't mock me
for this, it is very unlike me to share something so personal like
that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only posting it as an example of
what I mean when I say I care about people in general). I even care
about those, on some level, who have brought me pain in life or who I
have been angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say what sprung
out of everything I was thinking about. You know the saying that you
can't love anyone else until you love yourself? I've just been
thinking about that, wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a
lot more for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't STAND
myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have
about myself, but I wonder how those can exist when I care a lot for
others. I take a lot better care of those I love than I take care of
myself. That doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take
better care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to give
others. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't know. Self-esteem, self-
confidence...I can have those at times, but self-love....I really
don't know.
~Rose
Love isn't a word that I can assign any meaning to, but caring about
people, specific ones, or just the people in the ambulance, I can do
that.
Why don't you like yourself? Are you not perfect? that's a difficult
standard, especially when you try to use other people's criterion for
what is perfect. It is impossible to live your life the way that you
think that everyone else thinks that you should. Too contradictory.
I used to think of it as wearing somebody else's hat, trying to impose
their ideas and values on myself. Especially difficult if I really
didn't know their ideas or values, just what I thought they were.
Life hurts less since I stopped that. That was the good thing I got
from talk therapy, looking at ideas that I would be devastated if
anyone found out I had, talking about them, deciding what to let go
and what to keep.
I still fall into the hole when stress gets to be too much, but I
don't push myself there any more.
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| User: "the_dawggie" |
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| Title: Re: Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
03 Sep 2007 03:11:18 AM |
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On Sep 3, 5:30 pm, wrote:
Today I was thinking about how I care about people....people in
general and of course those who I have a relationship with. Even my
family, who has not cared for me in any way that could be defined as
decent, still, I care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a
measure of boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category of people
that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely cruel and brutal
actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but overall I care about most
anyone, on different levels of course. For example, when I'm driving
along and I hear/see an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always
think that I hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't mock me
for this, it is very unlike me to share something so personal like
that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only posting it as an example of
what I mean when I say I care about people in general). I even care
about those, on some level, who have brought me pain in life or who I
have been angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say what sprung
out of everything I was thinking about. You know the saying that you
can't love anyone else until you love yourself? I've just been
thinking about that, wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a
lot more for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't STAND
myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have
about myself, but I wonder how those can exist when I care a lot for
others. I take a lot better care of those I love than I take care of
myself. That doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take
better care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to give
I don't love myself as such, I make myself into someone I desire.
A relationship in life would be difficult for me.
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| User: "William Blake Jr." |
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| Title: Re: Can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? |
04 Sep 2007 02:11:02 AM |
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On Sep 3, 5:30 pm, wrote:
Today I was thinking about how I care about people....people in
general and of course those who I have a relationship with. Even my
family, who has not cared for me in any way that could be defined as
decent, still, I care aobut them. I don't say any of this as a
measure of boasting, but just a reflection of who I am. I can't
imagine not caring about others. There is a small category of people
that I wouldn't care about due to some extremely cruel and brutal
actions (serial killers, hitler, etc), but overall I care about most
anyone, on different levels of course. For example, when I'm driving
along and I hear/see an ambulance or a fire truck go by, I always
think that I hope whoever might be involved in their call is ok, and I
used to even say a prayer over those involved (please don't mock me
for this, it is very unlike me to share something so personal like
that about my spiritual beliefs...I'm only posting it as an example of
what I mean when I say I care about people in general). I even care
about those, on some level, who have brought me pain in life or who I
have been angry/frustrated at.
Well, I have a lot more I could type, but I'll just say what sprung
out of everything I was thinking about. You know the saying that you
can't love anyone else until you love yourself? I've just been
thinking about that, wondering how true that is. I care a *HECK* of a
lot more for other people than I do myself a lot of the time....I
don't exactly feel great about myself. Sometimes I can't STAND
myself, I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have
about myself, but I wonder how those can exist when I care a lot for
others. I take a lot better care of those I love than I take care of
myself. That doesn't bother me, but in some aspects I should take
better care of myself than I do...I think I would have more to give
others. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't know. Self-esteem, self-
confidence...I can have those at times, but self-love....I really
don't know.
~Rose
You have both a loving heart and hold yourself to a high standard.
That's a combination of two great virtues.
I've seen people with these two virtues get taken advantage of all the
time, because they hold themselves to a higher standard than they do
others, and those who don't have similar standards for themselves use
the person's self-criticism to constantly point out perceived
shortcomings or induce guilt, without applying anything near the
similar scrutiny to themselves and preying on the person's compassion
to make the person forgive the unacceptable.
As an exercise in avoiding that scenario, I would recommend viewing
others from the same critical lens with which you view yourself - and
yourself with the same compassion with which you view others.
That should create a balance that is very well-needed and could help
avoid unneeded abuse, while giving the confidence necessary to make
your virtues an asset to yourself and to the people who would see them
and treat them rightly.
http://ibshambat.blogspot.com
Ilya Shambat
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